intrusive neighbors driving me nuts - a very long rant

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I can't help but think that you are surprisingly antisocial...some neighbors come over to say hi to the person who just moved in and your first moves are to basically alienate every single one of them. I'm not saying they're perfect, and yeah 8 AM is too early for a visit, but DAMN.

Then again, this is 2+2.

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Old people have nothing better to do. They want to remain relevant, so they become the neighborhood watch for the social scene.

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I don't doubt that. I'm just saying OP probably isn't the image of a perfect neighbor either. I mean, for Christ's sakes, I sure as hell wouldn't want to stop unpacking in my empty house to stop and make small talk with new neighbors. I've got important things to do. Like, uhhhhh, unpack.

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Unpacking your house all by yourself is a pretty major and sometimes physically stressful task that can take an incredible amount of time. I could see being exhausted and just wanting it over with. I could also see having to return a borrowed truck or whatever. So I don't think we can call this one really.

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As long as they start leaving you alone now i'd take that over worrying about them liking you.

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Ditto. This is a weird way for a blessing to come, but it's still a blessing.

[PokeReader]

I would act towards them the way you normally would, but if they actually bother you by coming to your house again, you need to come up with an excuse. As soon as you got a bad vibe you should have said, "well, it was so nice of you to visit, but I will never get to sleep if I don't finish my unpacking". If they showed up on my deck, or at my house, I'd say something like, "Oh, you know how we girls are, I just can't abide company to see me without spending time getting ready. I'm just not a morning/day/afternoon/ person. But if you call me in advance, sometime, I will try to do one of the neighborhood get togethers, but I warn you, my work schedule is sooo crazy, and then I have to work getting the house set up, but give me a call, and I'll see what I can do!" Be terser, and stronger if it happens again, and you just have to eat one event with these idiots, then you're free. When they interrogate you, make a joke, like, "Why, I didn't know you worked for the FBI! ha, ha, well, these are beautiful curtains, where did you get them?" Eventually you can let them know that you won't answer everything under the sun, but politely, and kind of let them know what jerks they are.
I don't think it's your fault, they are clearly nightmare neighbors. But, if you were willing to pretend to suck up a little it would have helped. Most moms are threatened by independent single women, they think they will steal their men.

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I can't help but think that you are surprisingly antisocial...some neighbors come over to say hi to the person who just moved in and your first moves are to basically alienate every single one of them. I'm not saying they're perfect, and yeah 8 AM is too early for a visit, but DAMN.

Then again, this is 2+2.

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I don't consider myself antisocial, I just choose who I want to socialize with. The first time they came over, it was more like they had a questionaire they were reciting. I just don't think that what religion I am, whether my parents have money, etc. is really not anybodys business. Esp people I have known for less than 5 minutes. I don't feel I should be obligated to answer.


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Agreed. Some of those questions were way out of line.

Some people think it's okay to ask about religion, but I really don't, because as an atheist I have seen so much mean-spirited social discrimination from religious types, and seen them just come after you endlessly, and not in flattering ways, for your, er, moral and overall inferiority if you don't believe in their religion. And many of these guys are like the Terminator -- they have no fear, no remorse, and they absolutely WILL NOT STOP.

I really don't like being needled with personal questions for reasons like these.

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I guess I can see why you might think I am antisocial, but I am always polite. These people have continually over the years, started sentences with things like "we see you got home late Tuesday night".


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This would creep me out, but especially if I were a single woman.

All this brings to mind that quote, "Good fences make good neighbors."

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BTW, they told me they lost their cat about a year ago, and asked me to keep an eye out for her. The woman had tears in her eyes, and was telling me she would do anything to get her back. One night (yes, a night I was getting home late) I saw her about 2 blocks down. It was a little after 11pm, and I called her. She is the kind of cat that doesn't go to anyone except her owners. I went and knocked on the door to let them know and they peeked out a window. I actually saw them look at me, and they closed the curtain quickly. Tried to call but no answer and they don't have a machine.

I know they had to have known it was me, because I actually pulled my car into their driveway and when they looked out they had to have seen it. The next day they were curious, but didn't want to admit they wouldn't answer the door for me. They came up and said, uh, did you happen to knock last night, we thought we may have heard someone but were sleeping. I told them yes, I saw your cat but she wouldn't come to me. She slapped her husband on the arm and said, see, I TOLD YOU TO GET IT! I heard him say as I was walking away, how did I know thats what she wanted? I think I did my best to help them there. It seemed to me they were afraid I was going to ask them for something so they pretended not to see me. They never got the poor cat back.

I admit I am not the super friendly have parties and invite everyone over kind of neighbor, but I respect everyones privacy and try to mind my business. When these people lost the cat, I really felt for them. I suggested they leave food out, catnip, helped put up signs because they are old. I even offered to help them find a new kitten if they decided they wanted one. That is the closest to friendly I have been though.

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Ugh. You're better off without them.

[mattnxtc]

I always use the excuse, "I am a good christian so I dont gossip."

[DrewDevil]

When asked an inappropriate or nosy question I don't wish to answer, I respond with one of my three preprogrammed answers, presented now in order from most to least polite:

1. "Oh, goodness! Why on earth would you ask me that question? Ha ha ha!"

2. "You know, it's called a 'private life' for a reason."

3. [No verbal response, just the death stare]

I've found that all 3 of them work like a charm, both on the current question and eliminating all future nosy questions.

Try it, you'll like it!

[Sponger.]

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Wow that sounds horrible, I thought my neighbors were [censored] for knocking on the door asking for chinese food recommendations.Really, them thinking your a bitch is probably the best thing that could've happened to you. I would follow it up by not telling your side of the story and generally being unfriendly. I'm with you, I'm not antisocial, but I see no reason I should be friends with someone just because I happen to live next door to them.

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Please tell me you are Chinese

[4 High]

Wow i guess i have been lucky in terms of neighbors. No one in the APPT complex is bothersome really. Everyone waves and says hi, but never has anyone asked anything more in depth then "How's it going?"

[Colima420]

I only see one problem here. The knocking on the door at 8 am on Sunday is terrible.

Other than that, it really isn't that bad. I think that there are deeper things going on which bother you, and because of those things, the neighbors seem terrible.

Think about it. If you are happy with yourself, you would see the situation as follows:

- This neighborhood is funny.
- Man, I can't believe this people. This is like a cartoon.
- Every single day is different here.
- I wonder what's going to happen today when I get home.
- Etc.

If one is going through a stage of irritability, or worry, or anything, then the situation seems just like you described it.


From reading the post, you sound like a nice girl. Things will fix themselves on their own. One day you will feel good and realize the benefits of that neighborhood. All the people will naturally like you (even the mother of that little girl).

Just think of it this way. When it comes to neighborhood events, you experience in 1 month what most people experience in 1 year.

Enjoy all the moments, because more likely than not all these things that are happening are going to become funny stories that you tell people and it's going to be great.

Colima420

[Borodog]

OP,

Sit on your front porch polishing your shotgun while muttering the Lord's Prayer.

FTW.