Watching Our Parents Get Old

[TinderWall]

My parents are still relatively young [mid 40's-50's], but this is a huge fear for me. I'm not looking forward to seeing it happen to my parents and I'm especially concerned about "losing it" when I get older [provided I live that long]. Does anyone know any proven ways of remaining sharp mentally aside from the standard "continue to exercise your brain"?

[Fabian]

This has been on my mind lately as well. My mom is only 52 while my dad just turned 68. Despite not always having had a very open or good relationship, I respect my dad more than almost anyone I can think of, and having started to notice the first signs of his health (mental and physical) declining during the last few years has been very tough. I also worry about what will happen to my mom after my dad is gone in, hopefully, 20 years, because of their age difference.

[foxw00ds player]

Crying because some of the things mentioned about your parents, I feel at 28 are alreaady starting to happen to me.....

[Kneel B4 Zod]

I'm the youngest of 4, and was probably an accident. my dad is 82 (I'm 31), my mom 65.

I had this sad realization I while ago, especially as my dad gets real old.

not much to say, except it's very sad. there's little I can think of that's positive about them growing old. I love them more than anything, but I wish they were younger and would be around for 20-30 more years. sadly my dad is already older than most people can reasonable expect to live.

still, I would never ever wish that I had been born under different circumstances.

[idrinkcoors]

Don't get depressed PJ; it's the cycle of life.

Take your fear of their aging and put it to good use; i.e. visit often and milk this time you have with them.

My situation is exactly like yours in terms of age and stuff, and I make it a point to never pass up an opportunity to spend time with them. Plus if they ever start nagging me or something, I make sure to have some patience.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that seeing them age before your eyes is a helluva lot better alternative than if both of them died in a car wreck when you were 2.

It sounds as if you really apreciate them, and luckily for you, there are more opportunities to make some great memories.

[turnipmonster]

my parents are both in their mid-late 60s, and still very sharp. they both work out still and my mom just started to learn the piano. my dad's side of the family has lived very long lives, my great grandma was 103, grandma 98. grandfather on that side died in his 80s but never missed a day of work until the day before he died, and still acted like a kid and was fun as hell.

I'm just glad they're around and I get to see them regularly.

[BPA234]

Rough subject. I don't know if this is much of an answer or any help. But, I do have some thoughts on the subject.

My girlfriend's 87-year-old father, who I have known for fourteen years, speaks of his life as chapters in a book. Each chapter is separate and distinct from the preceding chapters and when one chapter closes another opens in its place.

He is a great man and I really like him. I have spent a lot of time talking with him and learning from him. I have adopted his outlook as my own, and as I have watched him age and start to fail, I have chosen to look at this phase of his life as simply another chapter in an exceptionally well written book. Where the lessons continue to come, albeit in fewer quantity and more slowly.

Later, (hopefully much later) I know that the content will change from lessons on living to lessons on dying. And if at the end, as was the case with my father, there is nothing left of him, but a shell of what he once was, then I will do my best to help make his passing as comfortable as I can.

Aging and death are not easy. Especially in regards to your parents. But, in every chapter there is value, and I think that is what you have to focus on.

What I won't do with my girlfriend's father is mourn his death before his life ends. I will enjoy and respect the chapters he has left, because to do otherwise is just pretty [censored] awful.

[gusmahler]

My mom (73 years old) was hospitalized for pneumonia for over a week last year. Although there was supposed to be no permanent damage, it seems like she is slower (mentally) than before.

But it really is just the cycle of life. It's depressing as hell, but I've already lived through my father dying and still made it through.

When my Dad was sick, the toughest times for me was when we met other people. I was so used to seeing him being sick, that the effect was lessened on me. But we went to a family reunion and seeing the reaction on his brothers' faces really saddened me.

[Howard Treesong]

I wrestled with this somewhat with my father, who was both difficult and brilliant, until he died in a plane crash five years or so ago, at 71. He was still very sharp: in fact, a month or so before he died, he challenged me to a basic history test that was in the NYT. I think there were fifty questions; I was highly proud to get 48. He kicked my butt, however, not missing a damn thing. Still, he wasn't quite as sharp as I remember him being growing up. Now, I think occasionally about meeting my own end with dignity and grace, but I think more often of providing the best life I can for my children.

I'm 43, they're 5 and 7. It is, as you say, a difficult and tragic subject -- both for itself and as a foreshadowing of one's own demise.

[evilgenius]

I love and respect my father and mother. I am kinda an a hole to my family though. I cant seem to help it. Lately I've been noticing that both are really starting to show signs of aging and it freaks me out and I am trying to repair our relationship but its not easy to erase years of taking them for granted Learn from my mistakes.