dickest move you've pulled

[astroglide]

he said she knew he was cheating on somebody with her right? how would being forced to hide be surprising?

[DMBFan23]

Trip report, long

last weekend I went to front page in DC. I was hanging out when I leave my friends to go to the bar to get a drink. I pick an open spot at the bar, right next to a pretty cute young looking girl sitting right in front of a square column protruding from the bar and going to the ceiling . This column is blocking her view of everything on the other side of the bar. she could have seen just fine behind her if she was turned around, but she was facing the bar and thus couldnt see [censored].

"Wow, that view is amazing. If I buy you a drink, can I have that seat?"
"Haha. Did you come up here to buy a drink or to ask me that?"
"Actually to get a drink, but I couldnt miss the opportunity"
*I get bartender's attention and get a drink. this takes way longer than it should.*
"I'm "Joanna""

we talk about how she's here for the (soon to end) semester for an internship, and it's ending in a week, etc.
she was very fun to talk to, took my jokes and came back with some money ones of her own. very laid back chick and very good sense of humor. after some conversation she taps me on my arm, points behind me, and tells me a guy is trying to get my attention. I turn, and he tosses a napkin at me and says 'it's from that girl down there'. I look, and a chick who is with two or three other girls smiles and waves.

man, did I bring my A game tonight, and I havent even talked to note-passer yet.

I turn to "Joanna" and ask her "What do you think it says? Think it's one of those notes saying 'do you want to go to homecoming with me'? nah, shes probably just telling me I have something in my teeth"

we open it, and it says, I [censored] thee not,

"Do you like older women? : )"

I look back up, and she's looking over smiling. I laugh loudly, which is ok because the music in front page is loud as hell and only "Joanna" heard me. You can tell the fact that I'm a commodity now has made Joanna more interested, but after a couple more minutes of conversation and glances to note-passer, she drops the bomb.

"So this is fun, but I'm about to leave in a week. if you want to get laid, you should go talk to your older woman."

Hmm, something I did? Ah well, I wish her the best as I leave her to go talk to the slam dunk hookup. probably 15 minutes or so has passed since she passed the note, enough time to let it simmer. I walk over and introduce myself. We chat for a while. somewhere in the middle of the conversation

"so, it must have taken a lot of balls to pass a note to someone you don't really know basically asking him if he wants to hook up with you."
"Hey, you're not there yet, don't get cocky"

we talk for a little while, and she finally asks how old I am. I answer in stride (I'm 24) and return the question. She's 32, and asks

"Is that a problem?"
"Hell no, we're both right near our sexual peaks."

normally I would never get away with saying that but my jokes are actually funny tonight so she laughs. also it's pretty clear she's attracted to me and wants to [censored]. we talk and joke and flirt for a while, and the age thing comes up once or twice but only jokingly. I eventually ask

"So, want to get out of here?"
"Um, yeah, where are we going"
"I live in arlington"
"me too"

note-passer and I leave, and my place is closer so we go there.

the hookup/sex was good, she's clearly experienced, and horny as hell at 32. she knew what she wanted and wasnt afraid to ask for it, unlike some other girls who might be more nervous and pull some silent partner bs out on me. only thing was shes a biter, which I just found out this morning with some bruises on my chest. 3 [censored] days later and I find these bite marks. oh well, kind of a battle scar. she gave a phenomenal BJ, and we do it, and about 10 minutes later, I ask if she's ready for round 2.

"sure, but I want you to go down on me first"

Time out. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. if you wanted that,
a) you should have asked before I put my love missile in you. I used a condom, but still. no.
b) this is a bar hookup, so I'm not dropping the first night. In the immortal words of NAS, "Don't eat the pussy the first night. nigga bless you we call that [censored] gezhundheit"

I answer, "No"
"What??"
"No. we just did it, so I'm not doing that right afterwards"
"Well then I guess we're not having sex again.

...(I look over at clock, it says 2:53)...
dick move number 1
"Ok, then it's probably time for you to get out"
As she leaves, she puts her clothes on, gets her purse and jacket, and storms out of the door.

she comes right back into my room not 2 seconds later, because when she opened the door to storm out of my room she WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM INSTEAD. she walks back out of the bathroom, her momentum slightly deflated, but now she's pissed she just dropped the ball on her tirade. OMG THIS IS THE AWESOMEST.
dick move number 2
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH the door is over there. HAHAHAHAHA"
"That's not funny [censored]"

note-passer leaves, and I laugh maniacally

right about then my poker affiliate IM's me just to see if I'm still up, and I say

"yeah, just kicked a girl out of my apartment"
"OMG you did NOT have to do that to answer this IM."

and we shoot the [censored] for a while and I go to bed. the next morning one of my roommates asks me
"Kevin, was there a girl here last night? I heard noises, then I heard cackling maniacal laughter"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

[Hopey]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Fifth grade, christmas time, our grade had like a christmas show planned, like a play. This dude I didn't like had to sing a solo in the middle of the play, so of course I had to embarass him.

I convinced everyone in the front rows of the auditorium to start laughing when he started his solo. It worked better than I could have imagined. About half the auditorium started laughing as soon as he started singing, and he ran off the stage crying. Probably the dickest move I can remember.

[/ QUOTE ]
How does a 5th grader go about convincing people to do this?

[/ QUOTE ]

5th graders are sheep. They'll go along with it if they see others doing the same thing.

I did something similar in grade 8. It was during student elections and we were at an assembly where the candidates for school president were to make their speeches. We were sitting in the front row of the auditorium, and one of my friends had the bright idea for the entire front row to cross and uncross our legs in unison as one of the candidates was making his speech. He didn't notice at first, but then once he realized what was happening it really threw him off and he kept losing his place in his speech. We managed to get through the first speaker without a teacher noticing, but then the Principal noticed what we were doing during the second speech and screamed at us and threw us out of the gym.

[egocidal]

First one: A blind girl walks past me and my friends the other day, maybe 10 ft away, going the opposite direction. She's got her stick out, poking [censored], and as she passes I go "Is that the blind girl?" My friends laugh and one says "you [censored], that would piss me off if you said that about me." I say "Dude, she won't know who it is, she's [censored] blind". More laughter.


Apparently not all blind girls are deaf. She had stopped and was listening to us. So I walked away pretty quick.


Second one: i got into a little fued with a girl junior year cause she didn't want my nuts. She sat down at our lunch table and made some smart ass remark. I respond "We now go live to Katie being a bitch. katie?" (ala family guy). Girls cry easily. Not the biggest dick moves in the world, but enough to get me a rep as "the" ass hole at our school.

[daryn]

[ QUOTE ]
Daryn,

Obviously the cheating is a dick move. But you don't think shoving a girl into a closet is in anyway dickish? I'm sure it didn't do wonders for her self-esteem.

[/ QUOTE ]

not in the least! she knows what she's in for right? she knew you had a gf i assume?

[BWebb]

Yeah, she knew. Well, maybe it wasn't that bad after all. For some reason I always felt kind of bad about it, but not anymore.

Feeling better about myself,
BWebb

[ibankonu]

[ QUOTE ]
I cant really think of anything except this one time in high school there was this girl with very thick glasses, but a very nice body, who was really shy and unpopular. Well, as it was sad to happen, her parents ended up getting murdered. She was going to finish the year out, so she stayed at our school and moved into her grandma's house, who was my neighbor. I ened up video taping her through her window naked a few times, then gradually i seduced her and had my friend tape us having sex from the window. Then after that I merged this tape with the tape I had made previously of me killing her parents. Then I played it on the morning annoucements. The background music was Spice Girls "If you wannabe"

[/ QUOTE ]

WTF?

[Hopey]

[ QUOTE ]

This story would be classic if she had got preggers.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, she did. Which brings us to dick move #2...

[Landon_McFly]

It took me a while to think of some, but here's the 2 best I can think of.

In either 4th or 5th grade I volunteered to be one of the guys that opened/closed the curtains for the talent show. My friends were performing "Peaches" by the Presidents of the U.S.A., and at the end three "ninjas" were supposed to jump off some chairs from the side of the stage and play fight the singers. I was pissed that my friends picked this other douchbag over me to be one of the ninjas, so I took matters into my own hands.

The other stage hand was a complete nut. He had ADD to the max and would do anything you told him to LITERALLY. If you told him to throw a rock at someone, bam, there it went.

So I told the ADD kid that it'd be funny of he pulled the ninja's pants down as he jumped from the chair.

Not only did he do it, but the chair slipped from under the kid when he did and he faceplanted into the stage.

I won that round.

Too busy to type the other one now

BRB

[Bluffoon]

My burnout friends and I were failing a high school junior year history class when we noticed that the teacher wrote the grades in his book in pencil. So near the end of the year we left a window open and we broke into the class during lunch and we changed all our grades from failing to pass and we changed these two annoying smart bitch girls grades from pass to fail. I still remember (im42) the day report cards came out I walked by the class and saw them having a screaming match with the teacher. They never got it straightened out and had to repeat the class senior year.

sorry Connie, sorry Carolyn....

Also when I walk by a bum and he shakes his cup at me and says "change?"... I say... "No thanks I've got a pocket full"