Girlfriend of 2 years dumps me... what to do?

[hawk59]

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I agree, I need to go to the psych and figure out what I need to do to become more confident and such. My past is the reason for the lack of confidence, and ive tried changing it.

Also, I am not trying to change for her. This break up has made me realize I need to change myself for obvious reasons. The big one being that I feel lost without a girl, and I shouldnt really feel that way.

NT, youre a dick, and its quite apparent you have no idea what you are talking about. I am simply going to disregard your retardation from now on.

Basically, the run down of our aim convo is as follows

We both want to be *single* now. We both agree we need time to find ourselves because the past 2 years, we have been in our own little world. I told her straight up not to drag me along if she doesnt want this, and that if she doesnt, I want to move on NOW. She said that she doesnt want that at all. She wants to think about things, adjust to the new environment, etc. She said if a guy does come up, she will be honest with me and tell me(and once again, she is not lying. this is the most honest loyal girl I know, and I trust her.) She seems hopeful, and thinks we need time apart to fix things personally. She is, and always has been supportive of me wanting to get help, and now I just need to take action and do it.

She made a comment about wanting to date again in the near future, and sort of rekindle things. I told her that sounds like it could work if everything goes right, and she got excited about it.

Throughout this whole convo, I was not acting like a pussy, and that made her happy. She couldnt believe how well I was taking this, and her attitude changed immediately, and thats when the positivity of the future started showing. SO, well see what happens. but now, i need to fix myself before I can do anything else. pz

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Ben Franklin said "Experience is a dear school, but fools will learn in no other." The bad part is when it comes to relationships everyone is a fool to a certain degree. In the future you will look back and regret what you are doing now, but there really is no way for you to learn other than to crash and burn which is what is going to happen.

[Case Closed]

OP,

I was in pretty much the same spot last year. The advice is spot on, but it does not matter. You probably won't follow it, it's a rough place to be in. Good luck.

[pkr2k5]

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All/OP

It's really weird reading posts where essentially it comes down to girl guy is crazy about doesnt have the same level of interest.

I remember going through it (some may remember my posts) I hought my situation was completely unique, that the girl must be confused, playing games and that I only needed to crack the secret code and her heart would be fine forever.

What a load of crap. Now I see these situations and I realize they are all the same and all boil down to the girl not having a lasting high interest and once it gets to that point there is nothing the guy can do but make the situation worse.

OP - by sitting around, pining away for her, having AIM conversations you are giving her power over you. You are telling her, you will be there waiting, exactly the same, while she is free and happy to pursue other options.

The best thing you can do is say ok well, I'm sorry you feel this but I'm going to a movie/play golf/bar. Ill give you a call in a few days. and then don't. You don't think that if she really wants to be with you, she will call at some point? and if she doesn't well there's your answer

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Perfect. I really could have used this post about 2-3 years ago.

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[Vehn]

don't talk to her for 2 days

[SoloAJ]

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don't talk to her forever

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Let's just cut to the chase, no?

[tpir]

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Alobar,

Care to lay odds that she's cheated on him?

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Care to play HU for bankrolls?

You are really pissing me off. It sounds like you have no idea what you are talking about. go [censored] yourself.

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Dude, are you serious? You make a post in OOT about a girl that's broken up with you a few times and is now only sporadically interested in sexual contact...AND YOU DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO THINK SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU?!?!?!?!

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

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LOL. Wow.

FWIW, I don't think it matters whether his girl is cheating on him or not. Even if we assume she is not... it's pretty obvious that if she were "the one" she would not be pulling this [censored] all the time.

[Ser William]

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Ben Franklin said "Experience is a dear school, but fools will learn in no other." The bad part is when it comes to relationships everyone is a fool to a certain degree. In the future you will look back and regret what you are doing now, but there really is no way for you to learn other than to crash and burn which is what is going to happen.

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Bingo. No amount of good advice (of which there has been plenty on this board) is going to change OP's mind. He is going to have to learn this one the hard way. It might take 2 months, it might take 2 years, but one day he will realize how naive he really was.

This isn't about a cheating girlfriend, either, as some people are making it out to be. That is irrelevant. This is about someone way too young getting involved way too seriously.

[Alobar]

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She made a comment about wanting to date again in the near future, and sort of rekindle things. I told her that sounds like it could work if everything goes right, and she got excited about it.

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*sigh* You are beyond any help. Nothing anyone says in this thread will be of use to you. I wish you luck my friend, I hope your journey down this path ends in you being stronger and wiser, instead of broken and bitter.

[funkymunky]

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Bingo. No amount of good advice (of which there has been plenty on this board) is going to change OP's mind. He is going to have to learn this one the hard way. It might take 2 months, it might take 2 years, but one day he will realize how naive he really was.


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Why do we always have to learn things the hard way?

[Cooker]

In my opinion, if you break up it was because it didn't work in some way and there is little point in trying again unless something really drastic has changed. People coming out of long term relationships are often shocked by the sudden loneliness and most people don't like change. Therefore, often even the person who initiates the break up will want to get back together (as long as no screwing around is occuring), because it is more familiar and comfortable than being alone.

I realized this after my first high school girlfriend and I had one of these on again off again things and I finally made the decision that a break up for me is final. Also, you may be tempted to settle for a relationship of convenience that you are not really satisfied with (i.e. rebound) quickly to get away from being alone. I think this is also a mistake. Go out with friends, fill up your schedule, have some one night stands if that is your thing, but before you start a relationship with the next girl make sure it is being with her and not avoiding being alone that is your objective.

This worked for me, and I think kept me from repeating a lot of the mistakes that my friends made too many times.