A "stinky" situation

[SuperUberBob]

Situation: You are in the bathroom, making a sacrifice of normal, average size to the porcelain god. When you finish, you reach for some toilet paper only to find there's none remaining. There are no rolls in the bathroom area. The sinks, in the room directly connected to the bathroom, do not contain any toilet paper underneath them. There are no available, normal alternates in the apartment (toilet paper, tissues etc). The other bathroom, on the opposite side of the apartment, is currently occupied by your female roommate who is taking a shower (assuming that you wouldn't sneak in there out of decency). Your other roommates are currently not in the apartment.