Funniest thing you've heard while playing online.

[SNOWBALL]

[ QUOTE ]
This isn't the funniest but last night I said this to a guy who was berating a fish who sucked out on him:

Fishberater: Calling a raise with 69o, yea that's a good strategy
Me: Hey, i hear stfu is a good strategy.

Surprisingly, he stfu.

[/ QUOTE ]

vnh

[Scorch]

"This table is tighter then a midget's vigina" -me

[Gildwulf]

I've heard "this table is tighter than a nun's c*nt"....I've used this sometimes.

BTW, this thread is gold.

[chumdawg]

I prefer: "This table is tighter than tick pus*sy."

There is always the reliable standby, when you push in a sit-n-go, get called by aces, and crack 'em. When the aces guy moans and groans, you respond: "Next time you call my all-in, you better have a hand."

[bob smith]

Wasn't funny at the time, but it is in retrospect.

#Game No : 3006368495
***** Hand History for Game 3006368495 *****
$50 NL Texas Hold'em - Wednesday, November 09, 00:47:38 EDT 2005
Table Table 66908 (Real Money)
Seat 7 is the button
Total number of players : 10
Seat 1: IMWFSBIOTCH ( $77.75 )
Seat 2: memhayes ( $58.97 )
Seat 4: AlSwearingin ( $21.99 )
Seat 5: Daemien69 ( $5.75 )
Seat 7: thepizzaboy ( $73.30 )
Seat 8: MrFabulous ( $27.18 )
Seat 10: deleon100 ( $51.95 )
Seat 9: HERO ( $40.07 )
Seat 6: arbitrary1 ( $48.75 )
Seat 3: redemption20 ( $39.50 )
MrFabulous posts small blind [$0.25].
HERO posts big blind [$0.50].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to HERO [ Th Ad ]
deleon100 calls [$0.50].
IMWFSBIOTCH folds.
memhayes calls [$0.50].
redemption20 folds.
AlSwearingin folds.
Daemien69 folds.
arbitrary1 folds.
thepizzaboy folds.
MrFabulous calls [$0.25].
HERO checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 6s, 6h, Ac ]
MrFabulous checks.
HERO checks.
deleon100 checks.
memhayes checks.
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ah ]
MrFabulous checks.
HERO checks.
deleon100 bets [$0.75].
memhayes folds.
MrFabulous folds.
HERO calls [$0.75].
** Dealing River ** [ 9c ]
HERO bets [$3.50].
deleon100 raises [$20].
HERO: u dipXXXX, why would you do that?!! now we're both just losing money to the rake! A sshole
HERO raises [$33].
deleon100 is all-In [$30.70]
HERO is all-In [$2.32]
HERO shows [ Th, Ad ] a full house, Aces full of sixes.
deleon100 shows [ 6c, 6d ] four of a kind, sixes.
deleon100 wins $11.88 from side pot #1 with four of a kind, sixes.
deleon100 wins $78.14 from the main pot with four of a kind, sixes.
MrFabulous: Owned.
memhayes: pwned
AlSwearingin: owned



-grant

[MikeSmith]

[ QUOTE ]
I prefer: "This table is tighter than tick pus*sy."

There is always the reliable standby, when you push in a sit-n-go, get called by aces, and crack 'em. When the aces guy moans and groans, you respond: "Next time you call my all-in, you better have a hand."

[/ QUOTE ]

I cracked JJ with some BS and i told him "what were you doing calling with jacks?", he proceed to go into a long discussion why he called, some people just dont get sarcasm.

[Python49]

[ QUOTE ]
MrFabulous: Owned.
memhayes: pwned
AlSwearingin: owned

[/ QUOTE ]
LMAO

[FatalError]

Some guy raises, drunk guy reraise, some guy pushes
drunk: bah i've got nothing
kid: cmon dude call me
drunk: naa
kid: cmon bitch, call bitch i bet you won't
drunk: [censored] you don't call me a bitch i call

drunk wins with 93o when he smacks a straight on the river to crack the kids AA

drunk:"Thats how i roll"

[ottsville]

Player A shows a full house to beat player B's 10 high flush...

Player B "That was TERRIBLE play!"
Player A "Keep playing, you'll get better."

[TennesseeKid]

[ QUOTE ]
Player 1 calls 3bb raise with KQ suited. Flop KQ4. Player 2 goes all-in another 25bb. Player 1 uses his timer before calling. Player 2 shows A7os. Turn A. River 4.

Player 1: "Good play"
Player 2: "TY"
Player 3: "Are you serious?"
Player 1: "Yeah, he knew the ace and the four were coming."
Player 1: "THAT'S good poker..."

[/ QUOTE ]

This is hilarious and I am crying reading this post.