My Wife's New "Buddy"

[GirlTrouble]

Indeed. She did say she realized that it sounded bad for her to refuse my request to see the emails. Yet she still did it. Well, the fact is that I'm not really that pressed about it right now. I'm glad I though to ask for some advice before it got to the ass/legs/honeyI'mhome stage. Hopefully we'll nip that [censored] in the bud.

Thanks for the advice, good and bad, OOT.

If I can convince her to start chatting with local single women instead I'll let you all know! [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[lou22]

First post-odd thread for it but hey this is interesting stuff.

How about you have her read this thread? It's got the opinions of dozens of other men and a couple (one?) women and everyone pretty much agrees that something's not right with this situation. You haven't said anything that can get you into any trouble and the fact that you went to a bunch of strangers to get advice on the situation shows that it is something that is really bothering you. There's tons of good advice here and maybe it will make her realize that her actions don't appear to others to be as innocent as she perceives them.

[jaydub]

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Turn it around. Make friends with ridiculously good looking women, hire a maid / nanny / whatever based solely on her assets, and just be a flirty, friendly guy. All platonic of course but it gets the message across.

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I'm sure this sensible, mature, well thought out approach will lead to a great resolution and a happy marriage.

Seriously, are you 17?

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It lets her know that you will not put up with [censored]. It lets her know that this is a shitty way to act. It lets her know that you have options and do not need to play her reindeer games. It lets her know that if she disappoints you, you will drop her in a flash.

[The Yugoslavian]

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I'm not so good at confrontation.

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Let her do most of the talking.

Don't try to 'fix' whatever it seems might need fixing. At least in this conversation.

Be supportive and acknowledge what she says. You don't have to agree, just let her know you understand what she's saying and are interested in her POV.

Just be clear and concise about how you feel and your view on this. You don't have to be angry about or mean. Just be gentle and kind.

Good luck.

Yugoslav

[Boris]

Bro - you are in a crappy situation. If you try to act cool and secure it will eat at you and eventually ruin your relationship. You might as well hash it out right now and demand that your wife get off Friendster.

[2+2 wannabe]

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Yeah, I think this about sums it up.
She called back very upset. We talked about it and of course I withdrew my demand to see the email.

A quote: I don't want to be in the kind of relationship where my husband demands to read my email!

Ugh. Well, we worked out a sort of comprimise. She told me in detail the kinds of things that they talk about and aknowledged that I have a right to feel uncomfortable. In the end, if I can't trust her, I might as well dump her because I can't follow her around or install spyware to keep tabs on her. If she wants to cyber with fat guys in Sweden, so be it. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

It's not like I don't keep things from her, but in the end, she can trust me with the big stuff: No screwing around, no gambling away all our money, etc. So I should believe the same of her.

Dom's (and many others) advice was sound, but I need to figure out a smooth way to implement it. I'm not so good at confrontation.

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I don't mean to be rude - but you seem like a pussy

somehow your wife comes out ahead after talking to you about something she knows would (and should) piss you off - you've gotta learn to deal with this stuff

[RunDownHouse]

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It lets her know that you will not put up with [censored]. It lets her know that this is a shitty way to act. It lets her know that you have options and do not need to play her reindeer games. It lets her know that if she disappoints you, you will drop her in a flash.

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So you're going to "play reindeer games" so she'll know that you don't need to "play reindeer games?"

Why can't you just tell her all of that instead of going out of your way to find some hot nanny to ogle? Dom's advice is usually full of this kind of deceitful manipulation, which is why I usually don't like Dom's advice. His advice in this thread was so good precisely because it abandoned the pretense and posturing and advocated sitting her down and telling her exactly what the issue was and why it was an issue.

[2+2 wannabe]

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How about you have her read this thread?

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worst. idea. ever.

[poincaraux]

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It lets her know that if she disappoints you, you will drop her in a flash.

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This is an awesome attitude. Rule with an Iron Fist!!

[Boris]

So this was a troll?