Some dude called my cell phone looking for my fiance

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don't forget to get a STD test, to see if you got a going away present

[stabn]

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She's probably cheated on you and the quicker you realize this the better


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Don't grunch in oot.

[PITTM]

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The quickest way to get a call from the girl is to talk to the guy, she'll call you so quick, it'll be on then.

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You don't think the first thing she did when OP left was call the guy and explain what happened/warn him of potential consequences?

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keep in mind this is the same woman who gave the guy shes cheating on her fiance with his cellphone number. she doesnt seem incredibly smart about these things so far.

rj

[Michael Davis]

You don't need to call the guy, you have all the information you need. You should start the process of filing for custody even if it is futile. You should probably go over there and tell her calmly that it's over, pack up your stuff and get out. Try not to do it with too much drama. And don't ask her for explanations, if there are any she'll come up with them, but at this point you don't need them. Cancel the phone line and any other of those type bills in your name, etc., just as you would do at any place when you move out. Start finding a new place and don't forget your daughter. Your relationship with the ex-fiancee is over.

-Michael

[prohornblower]

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wait, why havent you called the phone company to get this dudes number yet? this seems like first step. the people who think you should apologize for kicking the door are [censored] braindead morons.

rj

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braindead moran here....

clearly she's got some 'splaining to do. This certainly looks very very very bad and I agree with those that put her cheating as 99% likely but OP shouted "WHO THE [censored] WAS THAT" as soon as she got off the phone. That's not exactly appropriate treatment of the mother of your child and the woman you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Asking who it was without shouting and obscenities might have worked better.

Kicking the door isn't helping things either. Fine, he doesn't have to apologize for that. Whatever. His initial reaction is totally out of line given the info that we have.~FishNChips

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OK, so..he shouldn't have shouted at her...ok..who cares?? Why does the level of his voice matter? The important thing is that he's trying to find out who this MALE is that is calling his fiancee at night. She needs to answer him, immediately, regardless of the volume of his shouting.

And he kicked a door...SO WHAT!? You are acting as if her going into the room and locking the door is a "normal" thing. Her action is not normal. He is informing her of this by expressing his anger. If he cares about her, he RIGHTFULLY should be pissed off.

You people are acting like kicking a locked door = Jack Torrance wielding an axe towards Olive Oil in the Shining.

Get real. I've reacted far worse than this to my GF, who has done far less in terms of upsetting. I'm Irish, and hot-headed...it just happens. I have never struck another girl though. But I will strike an inanimate object if it gets a point across. Once a girl sees you are willing to break a knuckle on a TV screen, I think she'll realize you want answers. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] A lot of times, polite asking doesn't get you jack.

[Ribsauce]

This is the first thread I've clicked on after watching an hour of Maury paternity test episodes.

the answer is clear...go on Maury

[72off]

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I'm 100% sure that there is something in the backstory that we don't know that makes the rest of the story more understandable.

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If this story is true that is.

[FishNChips]

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You don't need to call the guy, you have all the information you need. You should start the process of filing for custody even if it is futile. You should probably go over there and tell her calmly that it's over, pack up your stuff and get out. Try not to do it with too much drama. And don't ask her for explanations, if there are any she'll come up with them, but at this point you don't need them. Cancel the phone line and any other of those type bills in your name, etc., just as you would do at any place when you move out. Start finding a new place and don't forget your daughter. Your relationship with the ex-fiancee is over.

-Michael

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A 5 year relationship that includes a kid is over based on an unexplained phone call, the fincee locking herself in the other room, and deleting the call from the phone records? No discussion needed? Nothing else needs to be said?

Wow! High School relationships can end like this, college relationships can end like this. Adult long term relationships with kids deserve some sort of discussion. It might be 2 minutes of conversation :
OP : "Are you cheating?"
SoonToBeExMrsOP : "Yes, but I'm sorry..."
OP {interrupting} : "That's all I needed to know. I'm taking my stuff. Let me give my kid a hug and a kiss and I'll be over on X day to pick the kid up for the day. Have him/her ready to go at X time."

But there might be an explanation from her that doesn't involve cheating and unless OP is looking for an excuse to leave, he needs to be willing to listen to that. Then he needs to verify its true.

~FishNChips

ps... I'm starting to think OP is trolling here.

[72off]

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A 5 year relationship that includes a kid is over based on an unexplained phone call, the fincee locking herself in the other room, and deleting the call from the phone records? No discussion needed? Nothing else needs to be said?

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Welcome to the relationship gurus of OOT.

[Gobias Ind.]

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so cheating is obviously a big problem in this particular context.

however, cheating does not necessarily mean the relationship is over, but obviously the deception has to stop.

if she's screwing someone else on the sly then obviously the relationship is missing something... but OP and fiancee might be able to talk things through, work things out, move forward. maybe they just both need to open up the relationship to other people. maybe not.

but they should definitely talk it out soon.

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Are you serious w/ this? Have you ever been in a long-term relationship where your gf was cheating on you??? I have.

You can/may try working it out b/c she's all you've known for the past x number of years but in the end, you will NOT trust her. If she was cheating on him, the relationship is over whether or not it ends today. You will NEVER have the piece of mind back that comes from trust.