She left me - Page 11

imitation · #**101** 07-06-2006, 10:40 PM

Bad stuff guy, but atleast you can realise theres a bunch of people here who've been in the same position and made the same mistake.

Hope things workout for you whatever happens.

Hopey · #**102** 07-06-2006, 11:14 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I read something interesting once about women and divorce. It said when women finally announce they want out of a marriage it has usually been decided for a long time. Guys often think it is a starting point to clean up their act when in fact it is usually the ending point and cleaning up their act is futile. For women, counseling is often pointless; their minds are already made up. They may go through the motions to put on a good show for the family but it is often disingenuous.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've known 2 close female friends who have gotten divorced in the last year, and in both cases, they had confided in me that they wanted to divorce their husbands *months* before they finally broke the news to their men. In both cases, they started going to couples councelling, but they both told me that they were just going through the motions for their soon to be ex-husbands' sakes.

It seems that once women decide it's over, it's over. And their husbands are usually the last people to see it coming.

Inchoateposter · #**103** 07-06-2006, 11:37 PM

Echo Hopey and Katyseasquall once more. True for a lot more than just divorce, and while disproportionately true for women, sadly true for a lot of guys as well. Far too many people do not even mention a major concern until they have already decided their response. Normally, initiating "counseling," especially if it comes almost exclusively from one party's misgivings, is simply the desire to find outside validation for a long-held conviction. Separation is the same way. Its just a way to start the ball rolling towards divorce when both parties are not yet on the same page.

rory · #**104** 07-07-2006, 12:19 AM

you are the best poster on 2+2

ChipWrecked · #**105** 07-07-2006, 01:51 AM

Still curious as to the children issue i.e. are there any.

FWIW, my parents stuck out a crappy marriage and I used to pray they would divorce as a kid. Dad settled the issue by dropping dead while my sister and I were teens.

Point being you will get over it and be better off in the long run.

Put me also in the camp with those who believe she has someone else.

End it quickly and move on with life.

adsman · #**106** 07-07-2006, 01:57 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Nevertheless you may be right. I don't think it's very productive to try and find out exactly what happened. If she cheated on me, we have no chance, and sooner or later I'll find out. I'd rather just try to deal with her as someone I want to stay with forever...If that changes, so be it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hey GA,

Bad times, dude. I feel for ya. We all have to learn painful lessons in life. Why is that? Why can't we just learn from the mistakes from others? The reason is because when we are young and idealistic we don't believe that the world works like that or that people could behave in a certain way, particularly people that we love.

From your posts and from the few interactions that we've had you sound like a good guy. Don't make the mistake of assuming that somebody else holds to your own moral beliefs. The reality is that they usually don't. Take the advice of posters here who have been through a divorce very carefully. You may think that your wife is a special unique flower but the truth could well be otherwise.

And [censored] is completely right. You must have your own power here. Otherwise your life is going to be like being stuck in a tornado.

siccjay · #**107** 07-07-2006, 02:08 AM

GA,

Sorry man, I'm sure it's hard. I apologize if I missed it, but I didn't catch how you actually feel about her. Could you please post your feelings other than you don't believe in divorce?

meep_42 · #**108** 07-07-2006, 02:31 AM

It's over man, the sooner you start to let go, the better.

-d

d10 · #**109** 07-07-2006, 02:42 AM

This might be the most depressing thread I've ever read on 2+2. I don't have any advice to offer, but I wish you luck in getting through this.

glorfindel · #**110** 07-07-2006, 08:32 AM

Maintaining a high level of romance or sexual spontaneity over a long period of time with a spouse can be difficult for many people. Not to trivialize, but this is a relatively common problem. A competent marriage counselor should be able to provide solutions that will work. The key, however, is whether you and her both want it to work.

It sounds like she may not want a solution. The counselor should determine this ASAP, and if so, recommend you both move on.