Dumb jokes you still find hilarious

[fnord_too]

Did you hear about the cannible who passed his brother in the woods?

[Big_Jim]

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny, to you?"

What does a cannibal get when he's late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

[aLOWdAkING]

[ QUOTE ]
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One looks to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny, to you?"

What does a cannibal get when he's late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.

[/ QUOTE ]

awesome.

[NSchandler]

These jokes need a little explanation. They are "German" jokes. It is said that the Germans don't have a sense of humor, so these jokes are intentionally not funny. Just imagine telling them around a dinnertable and having people stare at you.

You'll either love 'em or hate 'em.


"Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in the hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest."

[Lothario]

[ QUOTE ]
A koala bear walks out of a bar and sees a hooker on the street corner. She approaches him and asks if he's looking for a good time. He accepts.

The go around back and he proceeds to 69 with her. After getting his rocks off, he starts walking away. The hooker stops him and says, "aren't you forgetting something?". With a glazed look, the koala bear tells her that he has no clue what she's talking about. She then says, "I'm a prostitute...you owe me. If you don't know what that means, look it up."

He goes to his car, grabs a dictionary from the front seat and looks up...

Prostitute

'One who provides sexual favors for money'


...Then, continues back to his car. The hooker, fuming at this point, starts yelling to him, "WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? YOU OWE ME." The koala bear then says, "Well, obviously you have no clue what I am. I'm a koala bear. Take a look"...as he tosses her the dictionary, gets in his car, and drives off.

Confused, the hooker opens the dictionary and looks up...

Koala Bear

'Australian animal that eats bush and leaves'

[/ QUOTE ]

Only joke in this thread that made me laugh lol

[UncleRemus]

[ QUOTE ]

Only joke in this thread that made me laugh lol

[/ QUOTE ]

You must be German.

[Our House]

A 70, an 80, and a 90 year old are in the waiting room of the doctor's office.

The 70 year old man starts complaining, "This is brutal. Every morning at 7:00, I have to piss so bad. I walk over to the bowl and stand there, but nothing comes out. I've tried everything, including drinking two gallons of water before going to sleep. Still, NOTHING."

The 80 year old guy cuts him off and says, "You think that's bad? Every morning at 8:00, I have to take a wicked crap. I sit on the toilet and nothing. I've tried all kinds of prunes, dates, fibers, ex-lax, you name it...but still, nothing. I hope the doctor can help me out."

The 90 year old guy then says, "You two youngsters have it easy. Every morning at 7am, I piss like a racehorse...maybe for 3 to 4 minutes straight. Every morning at 8am, I sh*t like there's no tomorrow and I completely empty my stomach."

The 70 and 80 year olds look at each other and almost simultaneously say, "So what's the problem?!?!"

..to which the 90 year old man replied,





"I DON'T GET OUT OF BED UNTIL 9!"

[Kramer.]

This thread reminded me of Louis C.K.'s bad jokes page on his website
http://www.louisck.com/
What do you call it when a long fish didn't quite make it?

- he eelmost made it.



What do you call a young cat with crap all over it?

- A shitten.



What is the most talkative condiment?

- Mayosays.



What do you call a gay man when YOU have a cold?

- a hobo.



And here are the rest...

What should you use to write down that you just took a dump?

-a number 2 pencil.



Where do you leave a hair pie to cool it off?

-on the vagisil.



What do you call it when you have your name written on your breasts?

- Identitties



What do you call it when a lumberjack farts?

- He cut the trees.



What do you call a piece of crap that is horizontal, up against an erect penis that is vertical?

- Poop-and-dick-cular



What do you call some guys with large backbones who sodomize pettite people?

- Spinal men-in-tight-ass



What do you call a fast food chain that gives you gas?

-Burper King



What do you call it when you are worried that someone has a tumor?

- You are cancerned about him/her

What do you call a chinese homosexual?

- A gasian.



What do you call it when you press your [censored] onto someone's balls?

- Chesticles.



What do you call a lesbian who drives around in a Ford Winstar full of dimembered penises?

- A Dick-Van Dyke.



What do you call the female child of the woman who helps you while you're pregnant? Also the woman is from Boston and the child is sort of oddly tall shaped.

- My doula's oblong daughtah.



What did the hillbilly jewish guy say when his mother got sick and he didn't care?

- Ma's ill? Tough!



What do you call it when you kill yourself by letting too many animals in your house?

- Zooinsid



What do you call an infant who has been raised by homosexual parents? - A gaby.



What do you call it when you go out with a woman and you force her to eat pancakes? - Date crepe.



What do you call a nun who you don't like? - A nunt.



Why can't a soldier look whistfully at the ocean? - Because there's no Gaze in the military.


What do you call a dog that doesn't lick his balls? -A Dogsn't

[NSchandler]

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?

Nobody cries when you cut up a hooker.

[Tregan]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

A lickalotapus.