anorexic girl (long, prolly boring)

[bustedchucks]

I've been seeing this girl for about a month, things are going well. Slow, but well. She's a nice girl. It's pleasant change of pace after the, well, not so nice girls i've recently run into. I haven't siihp. It's ok, i have the internet and access to hand lotion.

Tonight was the first time we went out to eat. All of our other dates have been nighttime events: parties, concerts, meeting people out, so i hadnt noticed that she didnt eat. Tonight at dinner she said she wasn't hungry and had a diet pepsi. ok, fair enough. then we went out and met some heads at a bar and went to a diner afterwards. She ordered coffee. Now at this point we'd been hanging out for like 8 or so hours and I remarked that she had to be hungry.

She let go of my hand, started fidgeting with her key ring and told me that she doesnt really eat. That she thinks she's fat; knows that she isn't but can't help seeing herself as fat. Told me not to worry, that she'd be fine.

it didnt read as an attempt for attention. or a cry for help. mostly just an honest answer.

she burps. when my lil sis was dieting( read: starving herself for a vacation), she burped all the time.

I didnt know what to do. I kissed her on the cheek and held her eyes and told her she was beautiful and that it was a shame that she didnt realize it and that she should believe me cause i was smart and had good taste. And it was sort of left at that.

(when i told her she was beautiful, my stupid ever busy mind thought of good will hunting - "it's not your fault, it's not your fault" and i came really close to laughing, cause, well, thats kinda funny.)



i think she has a problem, i think she knows she has a problem and is aware that it's a self image thing, not a fat thing.

whats my line?

I should prolly cut my losses cause this seems like a sure road to heartache if i get myself emotionaly invested in her.

But heres the thing: I like her.

[ColdCaller]

[ QUOTE ]
But heres the thing: I like her.

[/ QUOTE ]

Real heartwarming.

Here's the real question: Do you like projects? Because if you weren't one of those [censored] in high school that liked doing cardboard presentations of "what is the best time to take a lump sum payment of the lottery if you win it" then this isn't for you.

[tubasteve]

Fold preflop, but with the line you took, you have to call on the river. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Peter Harris]

ok, i have been dating a girl with mental illness for a while, and i'm not going to advise on your position, I'll just sum up what is a likely case scenario.

If you want to get committed, you will pretty much have to get her to deal with the problem - ignoring it will not make it go away. She won't "change her mind" because you want to date her. So yes, you have a lot of emotionally draining times ahead if you want to get staked emotionally.

However, to just "cut your losses" now would leave her deeper in the 'he left me because i'm fat and ugly' camp, so the best way to approach it is "I want to date you and find you attractive; but I am concerned that you are damaging your body".

you can't fix the problem, but you could be there to support her as she goes to those who can help. She could tell you to sod off and mind your own business; that will allow you to back out. But once you're into her, you have to accept that the problem won't fix itself.

Fortunately, my girlfriend only has OCD. I love food sooooo much that if i dated an anorexic i'd probably crumble and die in terror.

All i can say is, if you like her, and want a relationship, the best thing you can do for her is to be supportive and try to resolve the issues, NOT gloss over them and hope they will rectify themselves - that will surely lead to heartache.

gl
Pete

[katyseagull]

The only right thing to tell an anorexic girl is that she is freaking skinny and until she actually puts on a few pounds she is not going to be all that attractive to you. Tell her that you think she's pretty cool but you are looking for someone who's in a positive mental frame of mind.


Telling an anorexic she's beautiful only adds to the problem in my opinion. They are not rational. You're much better off saying "Jesus, how bony do you want to get?"

People are too gentle with anorexics. You have to be blunt.

[guids]

I would venture to say that 75% of the girls I hang out with (and probably you guys too), have some type of eating disorder. There really isnt much you can change. Most fo them are just insecure, and unless you start dating etc/ there wont be much you can do.

[spamuell]

Katy is right. Other things you can tell her (these are true, well a doctor told me them anyway, I don't have a source but you can probably find one online) is that when you continually don't eat enough, your body just tries to get nutrients from anywhere it can. It starts doing this from your bones at first, which makes them brittle, and then eventually your brain, which obviously screws it up.

Pretty scary stuff, in fact now I come to think of it, maybe they just told me that to scare the [censored] out of me as I was too skinny. But anyway, it worked.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
The only right thing to tell an anorexic girl is that she is freaking skinny and until she actually puts on a few pounds she is not going to be all that attractive to you. Tell her that you think she's pretty cool but you are looking for someone who's in a positive mental frame of mind.


Telling an anorexic she's beautiful only adds to the problem in my opinion. They are not rational. You're much better off saying "Jesus, how bony do you want to get?"

People are too gentle with anorexics. You have to be blunt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Katy, it's difficult to believe that as a woman, you would have posted this reply--unless you are joking and/or are fat.

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The only right thing to tell an anorexic girl is that she is freaking skinny and until she actually puts on a few pounds she is not going to be all that attractive to you. Tell her that you think she's pretty cool but you are looking for someone who's in a positive mental frame of mind.


Telling an anorexic she's beautiful only adds to the problem in my opinion. They are not rational. You're much better off saying "Jesus, how bony do you want to get?"

People are too gentle with anorexics. You have to be blunt.

[/ QUOTE ]

Katy, it's difficult to believe that as a woman, you would have posted this reply--unless you are joking and/or are fat.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tell her that you think she's pretty cool but you are looking for someone who's in a positive mental frame of mind.

I do agree w/ that part though.

[katyseagull]

I am not fat and tell me why I am wrong Chesspain. I'm willing to listen.