Why date?

Coffee · #1 01-09-2006, 11:41 AM

So, I was checking my Hotmail, and this article was one of the links: Reasons Not to Date
So...I'm left to wonder...what are the right reasons to date? Why date someone? To hear the "experts" talk, you should be completely self-sufficient and independent before you date anyone. But, if you're completely self-sufficient and independent, why the hell would you waste your time dating? If it's a question of getting laid, aren't there service professionals for that?

Basically, the wisdom I keep hearing, both in the media and from most of my friends, is that the key to dating is to eliminate your desire to do so. So, then, if I am able to do that, then why would I be motivated to date anyone after achieving such a state of mind? Wouldn't I have resolved to be happy never dating anyone? Wouldn't my line now be to send any potential dates packing?

[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

ElaineMonster · #2 01-09-2006, 11:44 AM

Maslow's heirarchy of needs. That's why.

Blarg · #3 01-09-2006, 11:49 AM

You "should" be all kinds of things in life, really great things, although almost nobody really is all those things, though perhaps not to hear them tell it.

There's no easy way out. Everything is a gamble undertaken with imperfect tools and preparation. Even perfect outcomes often seem to decay in time: we grow bored of each other, things that didn't bother us before bother us now, we change as people and what was good for us once is good no longer. Life is messy.

If we had to only do things when victory was assured and lasting happiness was guaranteed, we'd be paralyzed. There comes a point at which eliminating the chances of unhappiness does just as much to eliminate the chances of happiness.

behemoth2006 · #4 01-09-2006, 11:49 AM

Once you get to the point that you don't need one, you are able to fully appreciate the advantages of being in a relationship, namely the companionship, and (hopefully) the intellectual stimulation.

Not to mention that connected emotional sex is better... except for the cuddling.

russellmj · #5 01-09-2006, 11:52 AM

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Maslow's heirarchy of needs. That's why.

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Linky for the interested.

Anacardo · #6 01-09-2006, 12:35 PM

[ QUOTE ]
You "should" be all kinds of things in life, really great things, although almost nobody really is all those things, though perhaps not to hear them tell it.

There's no easy way out. Everything is a gamble undertaken with imperfect tools and preparation. Even perfect outcomes often seem to decay in time: we grow bored of each other, things that didn't bother us before bother us now, we change as people and what was good for us once is good no longer. Life is messy.

If we had to only do things when victory was assured and lasting happiness was guaranteed, we'd be paralyzed. There comes a point at which eliminating the chances of unhappiness does just as much to eliminate the chances of happiness.

[/ QUOTE ]

Everybody, everybody, sit up and pay attention to this one.

guillermo · #7 01-09-2006, 12:46 PM

[ QUOTE ]
...Basically, the wisdom I keep hearing, both in the media and from most of my friends, is that the key to dating is to eliminate your desire to do so. So, then, if I am able to do that, then why would I be motivated to date anyone after achieving such a state of mind?...

[/ QUOTE ]

I like your thought on this...but don't you think that the attraction to women are too big?? Women are beautiful you know...

Coffee · #8 01-09-2006, 01:17 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
...Basically, the wisdom I keep hearing, both in the media and from most of my friends, is that the key to dating is to eliminate your desire to do so. So, then, if I am able to do that, then why would I be motivated to date anyone after achieving such a state of mind?...

[/ QUOTE ]

I like your thought on this...but don't you think that the attraction to women are too big?? Women are beautiful you know...

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm making no claim as to whether or not I think achieving such a state is possible. I'm merely asking the question of whether or not the "conventional wisdom," if I can call it that, is realistic or not. I think that Maslow would say it is not. I'm pretty sure it's not either, but if these sorts of articles and trains of thought are to be believed, then I feel as though I may be in big trouble, with no end in sight. Hence, I ask the question.

Note: This post may belong in philosophy, but I thought it might get lost amongst the Sklansky vs. God posts. Besides, OOT is the place for dating advice on 2p2, anyway. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Jeebus · #9 01-09-2006, 01:27 PM

You should be fully self sustaining in that you can act as a person on your own. Otherwise instead of a relationship you get a couple codependents. That doesn't work too well.
Besides, women are hot and have vaginas and boobies. Therefore we, as men, have a desire to date them and gain the ability to touch those parts.

disjunction · #10 01-09-2006, 01:33 PM

Yeah this is the state I find myself in now, little desire to date. Better things to do with my time. Coincidentally women seem to be more interested, at least when I dress nice.

I think the key is that one does get lonely from time to time, and at some point in a moment of weakness you find yourself going out on a date. Through inertia you wind up going out on another one. Next thing you know, you're engaged. That's my theory, anyway.