Roommate/girlfriend issues: ADVICE NEEDED!

OneTwoThreeROBOT · #1 03-25-2006, 03:26 PM

I don't really know the appropriate place to post this, but I've seen relationship problems posted here before, so here it goes.

I live in a three bedroom apartment, which I share with two roommates, Steve and Jennifer. In the past two or three months, my girlfriend, Betsy, has been over a lot. We go in my room, and spend the majority of our time in there. Just last night, Betsy asked me about a bottle of rum that she had bought for herself and was storing in the freezer. It was practically empty, and she'd barely had any of it. I suspected that Steve and the friends he had brought over last night had something to do with it. Later that night, when Steve returned, I confronted him about it. He said that he thought we were sharing things, seeing as how Betsy was sharing our space without contributing anything to utilities and rent. The argument was cut short, as Steve was leaving to go on a trip. We promised that we'd discuss this when he returned.

Here are a few other relevant facts:
- The apartment is leased in my Dad's name. He covers all the utilities. Steve and Jennifer pay a flat rate of $50 per month for utilities, regardless of the amount they use.
- I haven't spoken to Jennifer yet about how she feels about all this. Betsy was planning on doing so today, and find out if she feels "wronged".
- Steve occasionally eats food in the fridge which belongs to Betsy and me. Neither of us have really said anything about it until the case with the rum.
- Steve and I share a bathroom. Betsy uses it too, but has not moved any of her things in there besides her toothbrush. She usually showers at her own place. There have not been any problems so far with her sharing the bathroom.

Is it wrong that my girlfriend is a permanent, non-paying, guest?

If I left out any information, tell me.

thekiller · #2 03-25-2006, 03:29 PM

This is something you and your mates need to talk over.

OneTwoThreeROBOT · #3 03-25-2006, 03:43 PM

[ QUOTE ]
This is something you and your mates need to talk over.

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree. The problem that I have is that I don't really know where I stand in all of this. For instance, if Steve says "Betsy needs to start paying or get out," is he being unreasonable?

thekiller · #4 03-25-2006, 04:02 PM

If he says/thinks that, then probably. If he says/thinks Betsy is over staying her welcome then he may have a reasonable view.

smoore · #5 03-25-2006, 04:38 PM

This is pretty standard. Steve is a douche, he should leave your food/booze alone. Betsy isn't using any of the resources besides some water. As long as she's maintaining her own residence he can cram it.

I'm surprised your dad covers the utilities. How much over $150/mo are the peak utility bills? If some months are $200 then that's Jennifer's "rent" that your dad is nicely paying so you can spend time with her.

What an a-hole. He's a mooch (food and booze) who is projecting his problem onto your girlfriend. "thought we were sharing"... bah.

thekiller · #6 03-25-2006, 04:50 PM

I don't agree with this.

Your girlfriend is essentially using/taking resources she doesn't pay for. This will cause friction. If any underlying issues exist your predictament may result in the current manifestation.

jzpiano · #7 03-25-2006, 05:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't agree with this.

Your girlfriend is essentially using/taking resources she doesn't pay for. This will cause friction. If any underlying issues exist your predictament may result in the current manifestation.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah but if his dad is paying for it then what should the other people care, I don't think that they have a lot of room to complain only paying $50 a month for a place to live.

OneTwoThreeROBOT · #8 03-25-2006, 05:39 PM

To Smoore: I'm not sure if you got this, but there are two roommates, Jennifer and Steve. They pay the flat rate for utilities. My girlfriend, Betsy, does not pay for anything. I don't know if this changes your perspective.

I'd also like to make it clear that my girlfriend pretty much lives here. She has spent the night almost every night for the past couple months (in my room). We are all college students and spend a fair amount of our time away from the apartment at school, parties, etc. (as does Steve). When we're not out and about however, Betsy is almost always here.

Thanks for the help so far!

Banks2334 · #9 03-25-2006, 05:43 PM

Typical roommate stuff. Time to sit down and talk instead of getting pissed off at each other over petty stuff.

OneTwoThreeROBOT · #10 03-25-2006, 05:48 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah but if his dad is paying for it then what should the other people care, I don't think that they have a lot of room to complain only paying $50 a month for a place to live.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, I guess I was unclear about this point as well. They are not ONLY paying the $50 for utilities, they also have to pay for rent (which we divide three ways between myself, Steve, and Jennifer). On one hand, my girlfriend does not chip in for rent or utilities even though she lives here and often uses the common space. On the other hand she most often only uses the room that I'm paying for. Utilities, as I've mentioned before, are irrelevant as they are dealt with by the flat rate.

Hope the makes things more clear. Thanks for the help so far, please keep it coming!