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#1
03-13-2006, 04:27 PM
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24 Year Old Virgin (long)
The Preamble:
I'm a fairly regular poster, and I'm using this account to disguise my identity. Coward's way out? Sure. But as you can imagine this stuff is sensetive to me, and making this post would probably follow around my account and detract from my enjoyment of 2+2. I decided to post about this because I doubt my good friends will be as honest or as objective about the situation. The title is a grabber, but I'm afraid the problem runs deeper than that. The most I have "done" with a girl is kiss, I can't help but have the phrasing sound awkward and teenage here, and that has been infrequent and never a kiss that had any real meaning behind it. I am admittedly slightly nerdy, but quite adept socially. I was prom king, and the lead in my highschool play, and everywhere I go I have many good friends (one of the great blessings of my life) of different backgrounds, temperments, social skill, etc. I am the kind of person who many people consider their best friend. I am a good listener, and as I've gotten older I've become more and more of a people pleaser, perhaps too much of one. In short, I am an average looking, not ugly or fat, decent, intelligent, witty, friendly person. My biggest shortcoming is clearly my ego. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] In my highschool years, I was obsessive about girls. I wasn't a stalker or anything, but I would fixate on a girl, usually for a little over a year, and secretly "love" her from afar. Around my senior year I got a good deal better and stopped doing this. Mid Senior year, I became very close to a friend of mines younger girlfriend, she was 16 at the time. Over the course of my knowing her she cut her bangs and lost weight, and became one of the prettier girls at my highschool. Surprising as it may sound, I didn't really notice how physically attractive she had gotten, as I wasn't particurally attracted to her when we became friends. When I went off to school, ~45 minutes from my hometown, we became closer. I was having a rough time transitioning from a pretty great highschool life to a cramped and anonymous college one (I hated my roomate). Plus I was having a lot of trouble with my normally loving and supportive parents who had just moved out of my hometown, and said some amazingly hateful and shocking things when I first visited them at their new place. She started coming up to visit the college about once a week, and we were talking on the phone 2 or 3 hours a night. Our friendship became very emotional, we fought a lot, yelled, cried, made up, elaborately apologized, etc. I had lunch with a friend from home, and he said to me, "I think she might be falling in love with you," "Oh," I said, "That would not be good." I honestly didn't think I wanted any part of it, and also there was my good friend, her boyfriend, which made it totally out of the question. Unfortunately, that conversation brought up feelings that I had most likely had for quite awhile, and a couple weeks after that I figured out how I felt about her, which made our already rocky relationship even worse. She broke up with my friend a couple months later, and very shortly after that insisted that I had been acting strange lately and wanted to know why, I tried to delay the moment of revelation, but I didn't try hard enough, and ended up blurting out the relevant fact. She responded with rage, not exactly what I was looking for. We went back and forth with the emails, angry ones on her side, protestations of love on mine, and then she cracked and told me that she loved me more than she had ever loved her ex, and needed me. I assumed, fairly I think, that this meant she wanted to be together, but when I saw her, I asked her, "where do we go from here," and she said, "the way things were before." I was no longer very happy with the way things were before, and she started dating a guy who was dumber than dirt by all accounts. I did some soul searching, said to her, "fine, you're not interested in me, we can still be friends, I'll get over it." She told me a couple days later that between her current boyfriend and me she thought she had made the wrong choice. I told her I couldn't make the choice for her. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to say, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Things went back and forth in this fashion for about a year, so just fill in the details and choose your own adventure. She did a few pretty hurtful things to me, the most aggregious example being that she found some way to sleep with my hated college roomate, almost certainly to get back at me for something. I should say at this point, that she had good qualities, she was funny, intelligent, she had the capacity to be as thoughtful as she could be cruely vindictive, she understood me very well, probably the best of anybody I've known, and she was there. She was [censored] up and there, but at that particular time in my life, attendance was very slim, and the thin line between love and hate felt a good deal better than the broad one on the way to indifference. As our fairly terrible friendship/ relationship wore on, she intermittently stopped returning my calls/ answering my eamils, and then she stopped altogether. Last email she sent to me only said, "I'll always love you. Don't give up on me," and that was it. I saw her once after that in my hometown. She came over to me, hugged me, and said it's good to see you, I said the same, and then we went our seperate ways. As you've probably gathered by now, for some reason I can't get over how stupid, awfull, and sick I felt, so basically I stopped trying. I have occasionally gone on dates, or tried to "woo" a girl I was interested in, but in the back of my mind there's always been a terrible fear that I am sabotaging myself, and probably another fear of what happens if I'm successful. All right OOT, time to fix me. Go. 
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#2
03-13-2006, 04:29 PM
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Re: 24 Year Old Virgin (long)
soooooo, you just want to have sex?
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#7
03-13-2006, 04:31 PM
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Re: 24 Year Old Virgin (long)
[ QUOTE ]
The Preamble: I'm a fairly regular poster, and I'm using this account to disguise my identity. Coward's way out? Sure. But as you can imagine this stuff is sensetive to me, and making this post would probably follow around my account and detract from my enjoyment of 2+2. I decided to post about this because I doubt my good friends will be as honest or as objective about the situation. The title is a grabber, but I'm afraid the problem runs deeper than that. The most I have "done" with a girl is kiss, I can't help but have the phrasing sound awkward and teenage here, and that has been infrequent and never a kiss that had any real meaning behind it. I am admittedly slightly nerdy, but quite adept socially. I was prom king, and the lead in my highschool play, and everywhere I go I have many good friends (one of the great blessings of my life) of different backgrounds, temperments, social skill, etc. I am the kind of person who many people consider their best friend. I am a good listener, and as I've gotten older I've become more and more of a people pleaser, perhaps too much of one. In short, I am an average looking, not ugly or fat, decent, intelligent, witty, friendly person. My biggest shortcoming is clearly my ego. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] In my highschool years, I was obsessive about girls. I wasn't a stalker or anything, but I would fixate on a girl, usually for a little over a year, and secretly "love" her from afar. Around my senior year I got a good deal better and stopped doing this. Mid Senior year, I became very close to a friend of mines younger girlfriend, she was 16 at the time. Over the course of my knowing her she cut her bangs and lost weight, and became one of the prettier girls at my highschool. Surprising as it may sound, I didn't really notice how physically attractive she had gotten, as I wasn't particurally attracted to her when we became friends. When I went off to school, ~45 minutes from my hometown, we became closer. I was having a rough time transitioning from a pretty great highschool life to a cramped and anonymous college one (I hated my roomate). Plus I was having a lot of trouble with my normally loving and supportive parents who had just moved out of my hometown, and said some amazingly hateful and shocking things when I first visited them at their new place. She started coming up to visit the college about once a week, and we were talking on the phone 2 or 3 hours a night. Our friendship became very emotional, we fought a lot, yelled, cried, made up, elaborately apologized, etc. I had lunch with a friend from home, and he said to me, "I think she might be falling in love with you," "Oh," I said, "That would not be good." I honestly didn't think I wanted any part of it, and also there was my good friend, her boyfriend, which made it totally out of the question. Unfortunately, that conversation brought up feelings that I had most likely had for quite awhile, and a couple weeks after that I figured out how I felt about her, which made our already rocky relationship even worse. She broke up with my friend a couple months later, and very shortly after that insisted that I had been acting strange lately and wanted to know why, I tried to delay the moment of revelation, but I didn't try hard enough, and ended up blurting out the relevant fact. She responded with rage, not exactly what I was looking for. We went back and forth with the emails, angry ones on her side, protestations of love on mine, and then she cracked and told me that she loved me more than she had ever loved her ex, and needed me. I assumed, fairly I think, that this meant she wanted to be together, but when I saw her, I asked her, "where do we go from here," and she said, "the way things were before." I was no longer very happy with the way things were before, and she started dating a guy who was dumber than dirt by all accounts. I did some soul searching, said to her, "fine, you're not interested in me, we can still be friends, I'll get over it." She told me a couple days later that between her current boyfriend and me she thought she had made the wrong choice. I told her I couldn't make the choice for her. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to say, but I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Things went back and forth in this fashion for about a year, so just fill in the details and choose your own adventure. She did a few pretty hurtful things to me, the most aggregious example being that she found some way to sleep with my hated college roomate, almost certainly to get back at me for something. I should say at this point, that she had good qualities, she was funny, intelligent, she had the capacity to be as thoughtful as she could be cruely vindictive, she understood me very well, probably the best of anybody I've known, and she was there. She was [censored] up and there, but at that particular time in my life, attendance was very slim, and the thin line between love and hate felt a good deal better than the broad one on the way to indifference. As our fairly terrible friendship/ relationship wore on, she intermittently stopped returning my calls/ answering my eamils, and then she stopped altogether. Last email she sent to me only said, "I'll always love you. Don't give up on me," and that was it. I saw her once after that in my hometown. She came over to me, hugged me, and said it's good to see you, I said the same, and then we went our seperate ways. As you've probably gathered by now, for some reason I can't get over how stupid, awfull, and sick I felt, so basically I stopped trying. I have occasionally gone on dates, or tried to "woo" a girl I was interested in, but in the back of my mind there's always been a terrible fear that I am sabotaging myself, and probably another fear of what happens if I'm successful. All right OOT, time to fix me. Go. [/ QUOTE ] See a pshycologist. That is all.
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#8
03-13-2006, 04:31 PM
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Re: 24 Year Old Virgin (long)
Go see a therapist. Seriously. Your college should even have decent free/cheap ones.
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#10
03-13-2006, 04:31 PM
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Re: 24 Year Old Virgin (long)
[ QUOTE ]
I was prom king, and the lead in my highschool play [/ QUOTE ] You're either lying, or went to a gay performing arts high school where all the girls were probably busy muff-diving and reading Plath.
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