BEST POKER/GAMBLING JOKES

PokerPaul · #1 03-06-2006, 04:02 PM

Here are my 2 favourites....let me know if you got a good one....
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There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his
head.
The voice says,
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."
He ignores the voice.

Later in the day, he hears the voice again.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."

Again, he ignores the voice.

Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day.
"Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las
Vegas."

He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice.
He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to
Las
Vegas.
As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the
Horseshoe."

He goes to The Horseshoe.

The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP)
entry."

He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP.

He goes to his assigned tournament table.
The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt AsAd.

The voice says, "Go all in."

He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot.
Three players call.

The dealer lays down the flop and turn which is 8h9h10hJh.

The voice says, "PHUCK"

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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.

The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow job on the way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabby replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.