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#1
03-04-2006, 06:35 AM
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10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
 Well, I've been lickin' this carpet for 3 whole hours and I don't feel like a lesbian. Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman. Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley. That's cool. Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid [censored] didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose. Kenny's family is so poor that yesterday they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage. Does anyone know what sexual harassment means? When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind? Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.  Children, uh, what's the one thing that's more sacred to a man than anything else in the world? Uh, bicycles? Ham? No, not ham, you fat [censored]! Screw you! It's ham, isn't it? (singing) I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face. Shut up - you [censored] jew!! Eric, did you just say the 'f word?' Jew? Think about it - it's the easiest, crappiest music in the world, right? If we just sing about how much we love Jesus, all the Christians will buy our crap." Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's? A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
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#2
03-04-2006, 06:41 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
HAHAHAHA! Cartman is awesome. I think you should avatar up on Cartman, Dynasty. It'd suit you.
And change your undertitle to 'Screw you, Hippy!' [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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#5
03-04-2006, 07:18 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
Cartman: I used to think disabled people were here for my amusement
Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie! Cartman: Now stop wasting Mel Gibson's time, you little pussy prick. Stan: Don't take that tone with me, kid. I'll kick your ass. Cartman: Yah. Well, I'd like to see you try. I'm, like, 6 feet tall. Stan: Yah. Well, you sound like a little bitch to me. Cartman: Bitch! Don't call me bitch, bitch! Stan: Bring it on then, bitch! Cartman: I already brung it, bitch. I brung it, opened it, and set it on the table, bitch.
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#6
03-04-2006, 08:26 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
Cartman: Hey, Kyle. All those times I said you were a big, dumb Jew? I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
Kyle: Yes I am! I am a Jew, Cartman! Cartman: No, no, Kyle. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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#7
03-04-2006, 08:57 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
Too drunk to look one up but a top ten Cartman quote list has to include at least one from the Scott Teneman Must Die epsiode, preferably two.
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#8
03-04-2006, 09:27 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
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Cartman: Why does Grandma have to live so far away? Why don't we just stick her in a nursing home closer to us so I don't have to drive six hours to get a god-damned present! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan: Jesus, Cartman. Cartman: Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kitty: Meow? Cartman: No, kitty, this is my pot pie. Kitty: Meow? Cartman: No, kitty. Get back, kitty. Kitty: Meow? Cartman: No, kitty, it's my pot pie. [Kitty hisses at Cartman] Cartman: Mom. Kitty's being a dildo. Cartman's Mom: Well, then, I know a certain kitty-kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight. Cartman: What?
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#9
03-04-2006, 10:35 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
"Screw you guys, I'm going home"
“I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" "You will respect my authoriah!"
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#10
03-04-2006, 11:46 AM
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Re: 10 of Eric Cartman\'s Greatest Quotes
Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman: How do you know? Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night. Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000. Stan: What's that? Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet. Cartman: The rest of you go get the goods on Stan. His mom grounded him once for setting something on fire. Let's find out what that something was and then lie and say it was a puppy. Cartman: You can't do it, Kyle. The Jewish blood in you is too strong. You can't throw away something you spent fifty bucks on, Kyle. The Jew in you won't let you. You can't do it, Kyle. Just try. Try and prove Mel Gibson wrong, Kyle. Cartman: [chatting with an older man] "I'm eight and a half inches." Whoa, this guy's tiny. He must be a dwarf. [types] Cartman: "I don't want to be friends with a midget. Midgets piss me off." Frowny-face.
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