I am unable to fart

[Manic Panic]

I have quite an embarrassing problem and was hoping someone else here has experienced it and might be able to help me.

Since Friday night I have been totally unable to fart naturally. Like my buttocks are paralysed or something. All this excess gas builds up inside me and the only way I'm able to relieve it is to stick my little finger up my ass and open up the hole and then I feel a whole burst of it gushing out.

I can hardly sleep at night because I start to fall asleep and then get stomach cramps so have to wake up to stick my finger up my [censored] again. Also at work I keep having to go to the bathroom every 45-60 minutes to allow the trapped gas out. Today my boss asked if everything is ok. I'm angry at having to scrub the [censored] off my fingers, and there's a permanent yellow-browny mark under my fingernail now, plus my finger is starting to smell of [censored] and I'm sure others can smell it around me.

Has anyone else had this problem and what can I do?

[its_just_me]

tl; dr

plz to post funney mspaint to illustrate your problem. plzkthx

[Nonfiction]

1)Stick thing larger than finger up ass
2)????
3)Profit

[ghostface]

bad attempt

[mad_hatter]

[x] best gimmick ever

[LonesomeFugitive]

[ QUOTE ]
[x] worst gimmick ever

[/ QUOTE ]
FYP

[WMB]

Have you taken a dump since Friday?

[remski]

bbv4;yfe, rothko and imsakidd hater4lyfe yo

[Blarg]

Everyone else is also doing this, all the time. I fail to see the problem.

[HeroInBlack]

I wouldn't have posted this garbage under my real screen name either.