What have I done ? 2/3 of my Bankroll gone

I live in Venezuela, and the company I worked for 8 years went bankrupt sept. last year and I`m still in a lawsuit for the money they own me. I have a wife and 2 kids 5years and 11 years old. Since then I was doing little jobs here and there, and started to play online poker with 17$ and started grinding. I have cashed out a couple of thousand of dollars, and finnaly moved upto 100NL last month with a Bankroll of 3000$. Recently I had some pretty big problems, since I do a service maintanance of anchoring gear to sailing yachts, and a bunch of materials got stolen. My father got diagnosed with cancer, and doctors gave him about 1 year to live. So I cashed out about 2000$ to solve the problems mentioned above. I was doing ok at 100NL, running at about 4bb/100. I occasionaly tilted a bit, but I was always in control and could stop, before it`s was to late. Now, beginning of august with a Bankroll of 2400$ I had to drop down to 50NL due to the cashouts. But since I need money fast to visit my Parents, I was really pushing myself, logging between 5k to 10k hands daily. To make a long story short, yesterday I did some good table selection and found these two fish with 92/33/3 and 80/14/2 stats respectively. On both tables I lost about 5BI to them due to horrible suckouts, before they lost their stacks to other regulars at the tables. For some reason this totally tilted me and I dropped a bunch of buyins more playing 30/18 stats instead of my usual 19/13. before quitting. In the afternoon I noticed that PStars opened new HU tables and still tilting from the morning I opened up 2 and totally tilted of 10BI.

IMO the main reason for this tilt was for pushing myself to much and trying desperately to recover the money lost.

My family was depending on the 1500$ (avg. salary here is 250$, so don`t laugh) or so I made monthly. And now I only have 700$ left and have to grind back up from 25NL.

Sry for the horrible grammar, and sry for the whining.

[gsaj18]

faith is a crazy thing...once you truely bleieve something, reason often becomes nill

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faith is a crazy thing...once you truely bleieve something, reason often becomes nill

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Thanks for the replies.

[Hoopster81]

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avg. salary here is 250$

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you should be able to average that pretty easily grinding $25NL

just stick to proper BR management and you'll be fine

[SmokeyRidesAgain]

Hey guys look it's Vig's latino cousin.

[barryc83]

Hey man I've played with you a few months ago @ 50nl and you seem like a winning player. I always try to keep in mind why I'm really playing this game. For me, it's to pay off my student loans. Whenever I do something spewy, I try and remind myself of why I'm really playing the game. Also, emotional control is the biggest part of this game, at least at small stakes IMO. Everyone can raise pf and cbet, but can you fold top 2 when a nit c/r you on the river when the obv draw hits? It becomes really tough after you've taken 3-4 beats too. I don't really know what to tell you except think of your family when you're in the middle of a spew session and quit.

[oddsock]

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pushing myself to much and trying desperately to recover the money lost.

.

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[PLOlover]

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logging between 5k to 10k hands daily

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seriously, this will make you tilt like crazy if you go too long, the human brain can only handle so much attention switching and stress. I mean everything will be fine, then suddenly like a switch or something your brain will just overload and you will start thinking stuff like putting 5% of your bankroll on a single hand of blackjack is a totally acceptable risk.

[PrimogenitoX]

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logging between 5k to 10k hands daily

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seriously, this will make you tilt like crazy if you go too long, the human brain can only handle so much attention switching and stress. I mean everything will be fine, then suddenly like a switch or something your brain will just overload and you will start thinking stuff like putting 5% of your bankroll on a single hand of blackjack is a totally acceptable risk.

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very true

[chesspain]

Since you have two kids to feed, why don't you try to find an real job, rather than playing low limit NL poker or waiting for lawsuit money that may never come?