Very interesting situation: What goes around, comes around..

[crazyhands]

This is a long post...lol...sorry. You can read my reasons for posting this at the bottom if you would like.

Ok, first of all this is a very interesting situation in which I did something to someone that was not very nice at all, and a couple years later it came back to bite me; almost the exact same situation, only this time I recieved the unpleasant outcome. It just goes to show you that you should always treat people fairly and don't do anything too cold to them..or it may come back at you, whether is was intentional or not. Anyway here are the details if you care

About two years ago, this girl I knew since I was in kindergarden, asked me out. She asked me point blank whether or not I liked her; since she probably thought that I thought our relationship was more brother/sister-friends rather than someone you would date. Anyway, I told her that I kinda liked her. Well, I kinda lied about that; which was not smart at all. See, I did think she was semi-attractive but I was not really into her, so I said "yes" just so we could go on a few dates before I would tell her that I really didnt like her that much. See, I didnt want to be really mean to her and say "no" immediatly. I wanted to ease into it so she wouldnt feel as bad... bad idea. So, in short what eventually happened was that I ended up ignoring her when she came up to talk to me unintentionally. After that point, she refused to talk to me and "cold-shouldered" me for that year and till this day I have yet to talk to her.

Anyway, after that situation was over, I really didn't give it much thought. Only after my situation was over, did I realize how much I hurt the girl.

Ok, heres the part that sucks and is still (slightly) eating at me. About two years ago, since I had yet to have a girlfriend and yet to pursue anyone at all, I was thinking about what my ideal girlfriend would look like (physical charactertics; long hair, short hair, etc). I'm not going to go in detail, boring everyone, but in general, the girl I would be looking for would about about 7-8/10 or so but I would be really attracted to her. So, in short she would seem very attainable for me. Well, on the first day of the spring semester (in college) that girl walked in my class... My jaw dropped, my heart pounded, and I was stuggling to take notes because I found myself staring at her uncontrollably. I as getting sweating palms just thinking about asking her out. This was really crazy for me. Before any of you think I am a nutcase, I am not. I consider myself to be a pretty rational person and I have never in my life been attracted to any girl like this. Not even close.

Anyway, to shorten this massive post, I introduced myself (maybe the most nervous I've ever been) and later on in the semester asked her if she would study with me (I know...weak..but I thought that would be the best possible chance) Anyway, she said she had a boyfriend (which she didn't, I'm almost sure she hasnt ever had one). Yea, so I got rejeced and was pretty pissed. Actually I was crushed. Even later on in the semester when I found out she was exteremly stuck-up and arrogant and lied numerous times to both her friends and myself, I couldn't get over her.

Is that strange or what?? Heres a girl who might possiblly be the most stuck-up girl I have ever met, has zero personal interests, and has a personality that I could not stand, and I still am thinking about her.. Damn I'm stupid...

Anyway, I guess the point is this: What goes around comes around. Only after I got rejected, I realized how much I crushed this poor girl. And to tell you the truth, I think she was hurt much more than me. Just imagine..she has known me for like 15-17 years; who knows how long she had her feelings bottled up??

<u>Ok I am posting this for a few reasons</u>

1) Has anyone experienced a situation in which the saying applys: "What goes around, comes around" (this can be dealing with <u>anything</u> , not just asking a girl out)

2) Please be a man and share your stories of rejections that hurt alot (this was my first)

3) Learn from my experience and try to treat people the way you would like to be treated cause it may come back to bite you in the ass.

4) I know for a fact that this girl is not right for me at all yet I still think about her solely because she looks like the girl of my dreams (not implying that she is a 9 or 10). Any ideas on how to move forward?

[Yoshi63]

I think you are making much too big a deal out of the fact that you rejected someone several years ago. It's not your fault you weren't into her. Yes, you probably should've spared your friend by telling her from the get-go that you truely weren't into her (in a nice way) if that were the case.

As far as the "new" girl... why would you even think about her (besides in class when you can at least look at her nice body, I presume)? She's hot, yet everything else about her sucks ( [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] ), and for whatever reason she's not interested. That doesn't add up to much.

[crazyhands]

[ QUOTE ]
She's hot,

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd bet that you would say she's pretty average looking; but yes she is very attractive TO ME.


[ QUOTE ]
yet everything else about her sucks ( [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] ), and for whatever reason she's not interested. That doesn't add up to much.

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly my point. This is why I mentioned I thought I was a rational person. I feel as though I am a rational person, yet this girls looks have me in some kind of trance or something, blocking all the negative aspects of her.

I'm begining to realize this may be the reason for many divorces. (both ppl are attracted to each other, but don't realize they have nothing in common, have drastically different personalities, etc.) Am I too far off?

[Brad1970]

You are either infatuated with her solely on her looks (obvious) or deep down you are attracted because of the way she treats you. Like its a challenge or something to win her over.

Might as well move on. She doesn't even know you exist. She's more interested in the captain of the football team types who play Aba or PA heads up for rolls while she is shopping around town in his new Ferrari...

[Brad1970]

Or another scenario could be that she has emotional/psychological issues which could be interpreted as arrogance.

[MychCumstien]

[ QUOTE ]

I'm begining to realize this may be the reason for many divorces. (both ppl are attracted to each other, but don't realize they have nothing in common, have drastically different personalities, etc.) Am I too far off?

[/ QUOTE ]

Amen brother. I divorced several years back, when my ex and I finally realized we had absolutely nothing in common. We met in college and had drinking, partying, and physical attraction in common; but at the end of the day, that was about it. It's sad that it took us a couple of years to figure that out, but hey what can you do?

Regarding your philosophy, I whole heartedly agree with you, i.e. treat others the way you'd want to be treated. I'm not sure your two stories really relate though.

The first girl, the girl you've known all your life; I think you should give her a call. Apologize and take her out for a cup of coffee. Just as friends obviously, and set the record straight. Apologize for hurting her feelings and all that. You'll feel much better, and I'm sure so will she. Heck, you've known her almost your entire life. It's a shame to ruin friendships like that.

Regarding the 2nd girl, I'd say just get over it. I know that's sometimes easier said than done; but it's not like you had been dating the girl and she dumped you. There were never any mutual feelings there, so I don't see the hangup.

Best advice: Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Seriously though, stop pining for this girl, and go out and meet a nice girl.

I can almost relate to you though. Several years back (not too long after my divorce) I dated a girl for about 7 months. I thought she WAS my dream girl. She was hot; she kind of had this rene rouso thing about her. A very close resemblence actually. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, and we seemingly had a lot in common (at the time). At the time, I felt I wanted to marry this girl.

Well, then the sky came crashing down, lol, because I found out she had a boyfriend, lol,(And that I wasn't it). She had a longtime boyfriend of several years, who had moved away right before we met. Well, to make a long story short; she told me about it after 7 months, ditched me, and moved across the country to move in with him, lol. Now tell me that that's not a mind F**K! lol.

Well, it turned out for the best actually, as in hindsight (which is always 20-20) her and I really didn't have that much in common after all. And a couple years ago, I did wind up meeting the girl of my dreams, and am now happily married [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]... again, lol [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Anyway, I guess my point is this: get past this girl. It's all in your mind, and it doesn't sound like she's all that anyway. Don't let life pass you by, pining for this chick that isn't even worth it. Go out, and find the girl you're supposed to be with. You might just surprise yourself! GL [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]