OOT, help me - for the love of God (sad girl story)

[Lonhro]

I don't really know where to start or to end. If I hadn't been drinking at all tonight this post would perhaps be so muchlonger and clearer, but then again I might never have posted it. I don't care if I get a star for it, get banned, get criticism ridiculing me for being a soft [censored] for all of these years, whatever. I feel like I need to vent and to just vent to myself through NotePad text wouldn't feel the same to me.

I'll try to keep the outline as brief as I can. I have a strange history in relationships. Low-down:

* I'm 26
* I've had (what I consider) one serious relationship - total of 4 years, although this was on and off
* I've had probably 3 more relationships that were nowhere NEAR as significant as said relationship above
*I've had TWO sexual partners - one being the in 4 year relationship, the other a drunken "f*ck up" while in Vegas with 3 friends.

I am shy around girls. I am soft at heart. Although I see a girl in a pub/bar/club and the first thing I think of is like any other dude (do I need to say this?), I AM getting along in life and worrying about being alone.

I am in a unique situation in that my ex-girlfriend (the significant one) is living out the back of my house. I live with my parents, for now, although this was going to change very soon. The way that she ended up living out the back is weird - she was living with her "then" boyfriend for close to two years before things went "not so good" for the two of them. Her parents moved 400mi north, and she needed somewhere to stay. She happened to be tutoring my 10yo sister at the time - my parents suggested that she move into the back because it was catered towards someone that wanted something with 1 bedroom and it was cheap - and she took the deal. She talked to me about it prior and asked me if I would be alright with it, but to be honest at the time I saw it as a chance to patch things up with her, especially since I knew things with her and her bf at the time were, to but it bluntly, sh*t, so I agreed that it would be a good idea.

As soon as she moved in, she went cold on me. Don't know what reason. I found out that she had taken up smoking, despite a good 4 years of complaining to me that she thought it was disgusting and she couldn't comprehend why her father would go into hospital to see his father dying on the bed only to light up when he left the hospital.

There are a lot of other things in between that I could write a novel about, but they're probably insignificant - I feel like I have painted the picture enough.

Last week while she was in my room chatting because "she hadn't spoken to me in a while" (read: a week) - she passed me a note saying that if I felt like a drink on the weekend, to let her know. As it turned out I was busy that weekend, but felt somewhat guilty for not getting back to her re: doing something and while I was out the other day, saw a pot plant (I know she loves flowers) and bought it for her sort of under the pretense that I would leave a note with it saying something like "saw this in the mall - thought you'd like it. Let's do dinner or movies or a drive or whatever - get back to me or I'll bug you till you do".

That was Tuesday. So I haven't bugged her since - she did ring me and thank me for the flowers, but that's it. Tonight I get home at 11pm and her ex's car is around the corner from my house. It's now 4:15am and it's still there.

I saw myself marrying this girl 10 years ago. I still thought there was a very good chance we would end up together the whole time she has been here. I can't deal with the continued mixed messages she is giving me, and tonight has sent me AWOL. I feel like I am partly to blame because my life is a wreck, and I'm too much of a pussy to approach her and make her lay it on the line. I feel like if I don't bite the bullet soon and tell my parents to kick her out or tell her straight to her face to get the f*ck out and stop prick-teasing me, that it's going to sub-consciously affect my life for the rest of my life. I feel like I am blaming all of my failures in life on her, and I don't know whether that is fair or not, because I know I am the ruler of my own fate, but I also know that she has been that first thing on my mind the moment I lay down to sleep, and the moment I wake up every morning for the past ten years. I love her to death, and I do not know how to stop it.

Do I confront her, tell her I can't deal with this - suck it up - what? My mates tell me that my parents must hate me for letting her rent out the back - perhaps they're right. They also tell me to just get over it - it's not that simple though.

Be harsh on me, but be truthful. Please, wtf do I do? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[otnemem]

I would be pissed at your parents, if I were you. Relationships are hard to get over. I still think about girls I dated four or five years ago.

[KneeCo]

If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

[Triumph36]

i know this is going to be the standard OOT advice, but you have to confront her and probably kick her out. Her presence will bring you nothing but misery, and she's only stringing you along. Moving out yourself would also probably be a good idea, but failing that, she has to go.

I'm sure it's hard to consider that there are other girls out there for you, since you've been fixated for so long on one - and who knows, maybe there aren't any. Regardless, it sounds like a little hopelessness might be good for you, because this girl is not yours now, and never will be again.

[gumpzilla]

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I live with my parents, for now, although this was going to change very soon.

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I think the first thing to do is fix this posthaste. Her being there, far from being a reason for you to stick around, is even more reason to move the [censored] out.

Alternatively, you could have her kicked out of your house. But I think moving out would be pretty beneficial for you. I find that when I'm at home with my parents, I settle into a lot of old habits/mindsets that I don't have as strongly when I'm at my apartment. As a consequence, I think it would be easier to stop obsessing over this girl that it sounds like you probably shouldn't be with if you got yourself a change of scenery.

[blinden84]

Take a deep breath, and realize that this is not the girl you are looking for.

[g-bebe]

[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place. EDIT: And it'll teach her for being a moron.

This chick doesn't seem worth it. Too wishy-washy, which just turns into more baggage.

[dknightx]

suck it up. don't let a single women control your emotions like this. plenty of fish in the sea ... the only reason why you want to be with this women is because you THINK she is someone she isn't. get over it, move on with your life.

[blinden84]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place.


[/ QUOTE ]

well, for one, he's 26.

[KneeCo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If its an option, moving out seems like the obvious thing to do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Why should he move out? If anything, kick the broad out. It's his family's place.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think its pretty obv that the girl isn't his only prob and I think he'd be happier living elsewhere based on the little info.