Beat: My roommate masturbates 3 times a day

[billyjex]

Hey guys,

as you might know, I live in the Hermosa House. One of my roommates has a problem. A serious problem.

He's a chronic masturbator.

I don't want to say who it is, but let's just say, he's half asain. He also likes to go on cruises and have sex with underage girls -- wait, perhaps I've said too much. But there's no turning back now.

Anyways, he lives in the bottom floor of the house. His room is the "dungeon" of the house. It's full of dirty clothes, 3 week old pizza, and the smell of sweaty pubic hair mixed with rotten egg. The smell is only slightly distracted by the loud, piercing sound of Mandy Moore's newest single as it blazes from his computer speakers.

Even worse, when one enters the room, is faced with some terribly graphic images. By the computer monitor, and I mean right by the [censored] computer, is a [censored] bottle of vaseline. This bottle is so obviously used within the past 24 hours there's usually squirts of white lotion near the squirt point.



To further enhance the image of a skinny asain boy masturbating, there's a roll of toilet paper by the computer, which obvioulsy has no other purpose than to catch the two or three squirts of jizzum from this man's tiny asain penis. I say two or three squirts liberally as this man has admitted to masturbating, on average, three times a day.

Listen, I didn't want to post this, but circumstances have forced me to out him. I will keep his identity confidential, however he may or may not look something like this:

[MorningAfter]

I think he should of cleaned his [censored] hoodie before stepping out of the house - I hope thats druel beside the pockets

[DJ Sensei]

i fail to see where the beat is, unless he's stealing your lotion and toilet paper to do it.

or doing it in your hair while you sleep because you posted something like this, heh.

[sefaje]

literal beat, heh

[Slider]

5 times actually ldo!

[billyjex]

[ QUOTE ]
i fail to see where the beat is

[/ QUOTE ]

Listen, it's not a huge deal. However, when this guy runs down to his room, locks the door, puts on Mandy Moore loudly, and stays in his room for 15 minuts, it's a little disturbing to me and my roommates, considering we know what's going on.

It's funny, becuase the littliest things will make this guy jump down to his room and "get busy" for a few minutes. Kelly Clarkson can come on a TV commercial, and before the 30 seconds are up, the door is locked and the lotion is being mixed in his hand.

*Even* a fat ass like Clarkson can get this dude horny!

-BONUS FACT- I recently asked this guy for a couple condoms. He gave me a couple from his supply; FOR HER PLEASURE EXTRA THICK. I LOL'ED right at him. It's hard enough to get off with the thinnest of condoms, and he has the for her pleasures?

But then he reminded me he's asain. Not only is his penis extra small, but he's faster than a New York minute!

[shaundeeb]

I expected it to be tongni but then you said has sex with underage girls not fails miserably with a 14 yearold then strikes out even worse with their mother, I knew it wasn't him.

[cking]

this thread made me laugh. Also i was worried it was me, good thing im not asian.

[FoldEqu1ty]

AAHAAAHHAHAAAHAAA

Oh wait I beat off 3 times a day too is that a problem? [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Slider]

Kelly Clarkson is pretty hot sometimes wtf