Brag : No Jail for me! Not even a ticket. (Long, but good)

[LightsOut]

Cliffnotes at bottom:
Also, obv. names are changed but everything that happened is true. I just changed names b/c i wrote this as a note on facebook just to spite the RA and openly mock him as there is nothing he can do anymore.

PROLOGUE : Greetings friends, the following is a tale of drugs, deceit, and danger. Join me as I guide you through how Jack Sperman, Larry Bird, Bob Damon, and me -Big Red evaded a seemingly inevitable capture, deceived a son-of-a bitch RA, and lived to toke another day.

THE STORY!!!

The time is 1:30 a.m. in a dormitory on Saxet M&A as we find our heroes exiting the bathroom after lighting up in rejoice after a week of tests and in celebration of the Chiefers Christmas, 4/20. Jack and Bob immediately head for the N64 as Big Red slides to the computer to bring the sweet sound of Rick James. I'm in love with Mary Jane. Less than a minute later, the sound of a light tapping resonates through the room and my heart skips a beat. "This can't be good.." I thought to myself as I hesitantly moved towards the door and took a peep through the view hole.

"Oh [censored]!!! It's the R.A." I hoarsly whispered at my friends.. "Hide everything!!" Luckily the door is locked so we are safe for the moment, but his knocking continues and his rapping on the door is only getting louder as he grows more and more impatient. We hide everything we can as quickly as possible and I invite the bumbling spawn of an obviously inbred couple in. ( if I invite him in and try to pretend we have nothing to hide, it should work, reverse psychology am I right? Little did I know he was either too stupid or too much of an [censored]...) He mumbles something at me in what I assume was an attempt at a greeting.

I lead him to the couch and notice his wandering eyes, searching for anything and everything to catch us. What he isn't counting on is how we anticipated his raid and have stowed everything away safely from his immediate line of sight. This douchebag can't randomly look through our [censored] anyway, so he did what all idiot authority figures do when they are trapped in a corner... He tried to make us feel guilty and confess. "Wow, looks like you guys have a lighter here... why do you need this?". This was the first of his attempts at trickery, of course I quickly replied "yeah, I smoke cigarrettes and use that". Hah.. not this time scumbag, try again.

A few minutes go by. This time he decides to get to the point. "Boy, I just can't figure out that smell. Kinda smells like pot." Nah.. we dont' know anything about that. "Nah man, I dunno what that is, our room has a weird funk". Not the best, but I was shaking like hell and trying to remain as calm, cool, and collected, as possible.

He lurks around our room for a good 20 to 30 minutes before finally announcing "It's getting late, I better get going.". "Oh By the way, if you guys are doing anything you can tell me.. I almost had a couple guys arrested the other week because they were drinking.. It's not so much i'm a jerk, I just don't like being lied too". Pfft. Pathetic you [censored], we are far too elusive to fall into your pitiful 'guilt' trap. "No man, we're just chillin' here playin smash bros.. that's all" I cooly reply. I close the door and think this is the end of the night... little did I know this was just the beginning.

"Hey man, we should hide things better just in case the police or something come and search." Bob suggests. We scramble like maniacs shoving unmentionable things in places that I cannot reveal to you, for our own future safety. When the commotion settles we sit and resume playing Smash bros. when all of a sudden 3 loud knocks come from the door. My heart stops again and I hold my breath as Bob slowly creeps to the door and looks through the hole. That's when it happened.

"Dude.... it's two [censored] cops..". WHAT?!!?? [censored]!!!! My heart dropped and my mind started racing. I was too high to know what was going on and all I could think about was how our turn-coat mother [censored] of an RA ratted us out. No.. No.. there's no way we're letting this [censored] get the best of us. I open the door and the policeman shines a bright light into my red eyes.

Now, try to put yourself in a position, where you have just experienced one of the greatest pleasures on our Green Earth. Now follow that immediately with one of the worst feelings of anxiety mixed with fear you have ever had. Like you just ran a stop sign and you see the red and blue lights flashing in the rear view. You think you're [censored] and there's no way out. They've got you. It's over. So naturally what do we do? We tell 'the truth'.

The first cop was as fat as he was an [censored], and believe me he was a grade-A ass hole. He ordered me to show him an ID and made everyone exit the room to where we were interrogated by his partner. He was younger and seemed genuinely friendlier than the son of a bitch I had just had the displeasure of meeting and took down all of our info.

That's when the fatty called me over and accused me of smoking fatties. WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN OFFICER? I don't do drugs you crazy [censored]. Of coures I didn't say that in so many words, but you get the drift. I feed him the normal [censored] every pig loves to hear, ending every sentence with 'sir' and apologizing profusely.

Fatty and his bitch immediately start trying to pressure us, throwing all kinds of legal jargon and cop spew in our faces, trying to tell us our rights, and trick us into confessing. We don't budge.

"Fine, then let us search your room" Fatty says in a condescending tone. We refuse at first, claiming although we have nothing to hide we wish for our privacy to be respected. The cops dont' fall for it, apparently they aren't as dumb as they look. He rebukes with an apparent right policemen have to take us into custody until they obtain a search warrant, close down the entire room until the search is through, then we are allowed in. We think it's a bluff, so the more he pressures to let us search, the more we stall and wait for him to concede.

Fatty isn't buying it... His face remains stoic and he starts staring at me like i'm a Double Whopper. He pulls me aside and says to me "sir I want you to look directly at my finger and follow it with your eyes, don't move your head." This is no easy task for obvious reasons, but I ace that [censored] like it was a [censored] 3rd grade TAKS test, and he is displeased.

He tries to bluff me. "According to your responses you have been drinking or are under the effect of a Depressant". [censored].. what do I do? Think quick... "No sir I haven't had anything to drink tonight, and my eyes are lazy because i've been studying for several nights. I had 3 tests this week". He obviously doesn't buy what i'm trying to sell, but what hte [censored] can he do? Call me a liar?

He accepts my excuse and asks one last time if we will allow the quick search of our room to take place. At this time a small crowd has gathered around to see what is going on. I took a deep breath and agreed to let them search. It was a big gamble, if they caught us we were out for sure! But we had already gone so far, so why not try to go a little further? Go big or Go home guys, am I right?

Fatty decides to bring me along and asks everyone else remain outside. He tells me to wait by the door and I do so. My heart is racing, my left leg shaking uncontrollably as I watched him waddle through my drawers and closets,putting several months of training into work. I held my breath the throughout the entire ordeal. I see my friends waiting outside, breath held by all, as we rely on the stealth of our stash to protect us.

He searchedsthe front closets first, nothing. The drawers on my desk and table, nothing. The rear closets, the dressers, everything comes up. But he still came up short. There is no ganja green in here sir, none your fat ass is going to find. Opening hte fridge he discovers 7 beers and inquires if those were what we had all been so nervous about. We scream in excited unison "YES! The BEER is what we were scared about, that's all we got!" He tells us to pour them all out. It's obvious he knows or at least suspects we were the pot smoking perpetrators, but guess what? That's the great thing about search and seizure. If they search and ain't nothin to seize, they can go [censored] themselves.

Fatty wandered out of the room, obviously upset that his sure thing had turned out to be nothing. We fooled him, and we were free. He made one last gesture at a coulpe of posters on the wall, depicting pro marijuana bands/movies. That made the night. It's a simple case of I know, you know. These [censored] tried everything they could. They brought two different RAs, the Fuzz, searched the room, interrogated me, tried to intimidate us and in the end, we stood strong. We are outa here in less than a month and we'll burn one down right outside this [censored] in honor of the night we fought the law, and won. Thanks for sticking this out, hope it wasn't boring.


Prologue : After these events conspired and Jack and Bob had left, our heroes were bothered several other times and received no less than 3 visits from RA's, all with warnings of how lucky we were to escape. Go [censored] Yourselves, you benedict arnold, traitorous, [censored] sucking, pathetic powertripping losers. Next time, try to bring down someone who isn't 100x smarter then you, and that's not even sober.




CLIFFS NOTES : ME AND 3 FRIENDS SMOKE IN BATHROOM, DOUCHEBAG RA COMES IN AND TRIES TO CATCH US BUT FAILS, CALLS COPS. THEY SHOW UP, FAT ONE INTERROGATES ME AND GIVES ME SOBRIETY TEST AND GETS NOTHING, SEARCHES ROOM AND CAN'T FIND OUR WEED/PARAPHANALIA. COPS OBV. KNOW WE HAVE SMOKED BUT CAN'T PROVE IT SO THEY LEAVE US ALONE. WE WIN, THEY LOSE. .

[Spechel EDD]

cliffe notes: im gay

[LightsOut]

Sorry I have friends to hang out with and stories like this. I can understand how this wouldn't be well received by a social leper such as yourself.

[Spechel EDD]

Sorry I have friends to hang out with and stories like this. I can understand how this wouldn't be well received by a social leper such as yourself.

[apefish]

Yes it was long. And well punctuated.
The cliffs notes are good though.

Also, prologue comes before the story. Epilogue after.

edit reason: second prologue sounded a lot like an epilogue instead.

[Shadowrun]

I liked it once freshman year the kids across the whole would smoke pot.

One day a cop came (the RA called very strong smell of pot) and the kid wasnt there he was out drinking. The cop knocks but cant enter since there isnt anyone there. He knocks on my door and asks me if i know where the kid is, of course i say no.

Once the door closes, i call the kid to tell him to sleep some where else for the day. He was grateful.

[Turkish Mickey]

I can't believe your RA's call the cops if they think you're smoking in your dorm. That's pretty intense.

[mr_whomp]

This story really sucked.

[rubbrband]

My buddy had a trial on mon were he was going to be bent over hard for pizot charges but cop didn't show lolz he gets away free of charges gotta love american justic when it works for ya.

[paperjam]

they have no right to search your room and to bother you and you should tell them to eff off and let you study. or tell then "search my room if you want, if you find something arrest me, but if you don't, run around the quad in your undies." he'll probably leave you alone.