What we're up against: Playing with a UIGEA supporter (l/c)

[PokerBob]

The gentleman in question, who will be heretofore referred to as UIGEA, apparently ran for state or national office and believes that internet poker should be illegal. He has been playing a lot of live poker of late, so I have enjoyed the pleasure of both his company and his –ev decisions. UIGEA is either (a) very wealthy or (b) very pompous (or both), as he only plays in the biggest game in the room, and he is simply awful.

This is what we are up against; utter, unrelenting stupidity on a variety of levels. I fear we have no shot.

The majority of events contained in this trip report occurred Sunday night, but some are from other occasions.

An expert raises in a shorthand game, UIGEA calls in the BB with 8[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 5 [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]. The flop falls TT7 with two [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]s. UIGEA bets, expert raises, UIGEA calls. Turn is a black 2. UIGEA checks, expert bets, UIGEA calls. River is a black J. UIGEA checks, expert checks. Expert shows A8o and wins the pot. The following dialogue ensues between UIGEA and a Mexican guy sitting next to him:

UIGEA: He raised and bet with nothing.
Mexican: He had the best hand.
UIGEA: He didn’t have anything.
Mexican: He had you beat.
UIGEA: But he raised with nothing.
Mexican: He knew what you had, that’s why he’s a champion.
UIGEA sits there and looks completely incredulous.

One player straddles, and then several others say that they will straddle as well. The next 3 players straddle. When UIGEA is UTG, he refuses to straddle, stating “It is just throwing away money. I have to play a hand that I have not even seen, plus I have bad board [sic] position.” He later calls an UTG raise from the BB in the dark, 3bets a UTG raise with A4s, and calls 2 more cold back to him after limping UTG with J9o.

A bad player who is playing like a nut raises UTG, (or maybe it was a straddle, I cannot recall but it doesn’t matter), good player 3towns next in, 2 folds, UIGEA 4 bets AKo, other 2 call. Flop J72r. Check, check, bet, call, call. Turn J. Checks around. River 4. bet, good player tanks and calls, UIGEA hems and haws and flashes his bad beat. UTG has Q7 and wins. The following dialogue ensues:

UIGEA: (to no one in particular): Wow. A pair of 7s won that. (he continues to speak, not saying anything relevant.)
GoodPlayer: I had you beat. You were in 3rd place.
UIGEA: Did you have Ace-Jack.
GoodPlayer: I’m pretty sure I win that pot if I have Ace-Jack.
UIGEA(looking confused): Did you have two 7s?
OtherGoodPlayerWhoCanStandItNoMore (OGPWCSINM): He had a pair. You were beat. Figure it out. Geez.
UIGEA: I’m not talking to you. You aren’t part of this.
(At this point I want to chime in with what I often used to say to my students when they were discussing things within earshot of me that I didn’t want to hear: Look, I would love to be able to close my ears like I can my eyes, but I can’t. So shut up. But I say nothing and instead gleefully watch this unfold.)
OGPWCSINM: Well I’m tired of listening to you.
UIGEA: I’m old enough to be your dad. Show some respect.
OGPWCSINM: Well, you’re dumb enough that you should be in a straight jacket, so what? We have both spoken the absolute truth, why don’t we just leave it at that.
UIGEA: I want the floor called. (Floor never comes and the situation dies down.)

30 minutes later…….

UIGEA is an a hand with A[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], he has position. There are 3 players in the pot. SB raised preflop, and the flop of 8[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 2[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 3[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] has been capped. The turn is a red 7. SB bets, both call. The river is a non-flush 5. SB bets, other guy calls, UIGEA now looks at his cards and says “I was so close”, and then sets them on the table face-up and starts to push them forward without putting any chips in the pot, but also without saying “fold”. SB sees this and assumes UIGEA is folding and tables JJ. UIGEA then realizes that he has the wheel and says “Wait. I call. I call.” The floor is called and UIGEA gets the pot. There is much discussion between players after the ruling about how such a play could be an angle shoot (it is clear that this was a case of massive retardation, not deviance)……

OGPWCSINM: The proper play is to not be so stupid that you cannot figure out what you have.
UIGEA: Why do you have to be such an [censored]”
OGPWCSINM: Because you’re a moron who is slowing down the game with your idiocy.
UIGEA (in a really wimpy, femmy voice): [censored] you.
Dealer: Watch your language.
OGPWCSINM (to me, as I am on his right, and UIGEA is on my right): I know that guy can’t beat me up, so I don’t care how pissed he gets.


30 minutes later………

UIGEA is in a pot with OGPWCSINM, a horrible player and another player who gets all-in on the side pot. The flop is Q42 with two clubs. UIGEA has K[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]Q[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]. OGPWCSINM has AQo. Flop is capped. Turn and river brick off. Hands are tabled. OGPWCSINM doesn’t have many chips left, so it may appear that he is all-in. He is not.

UIGEA: I win the side pot, right?
Dealer: No
OGPWCSINM: This is how many dollars you get. (extends arm toward UIGEA and makes a ZERO with his thumb and fingers.)
UIGEA: You are such an [censored]. Don’t talk to me.
OGPWCSINM(in a mocking voice): You are such an [censored], don’t talk to me.

30 minutes later………
BB (the 1 seat) takes a hideous beat with 22 on a flop of 24J when it comes running JJ, so he walks away and misses his small blind. The rules then state that the 2 and 3 seats each post a BB. 3 seat puts out his BB, but 2 seat has not yet. UIGEA is in the 4 seat and sees only 1 BB out there and puts out what he assumes is a BB. The cards get dealt. I am in the 5 seat and raise AJo. A few folds happen and then……..

UIGEA: Wait.
Dealer: Time.
UIGEA: I am not the BB?
Dealer: No.
UIGEA: But I didn’t know.
Dealer: The button is correct and I said two BBs.
UIGEA: I heard that, but he (2 seat) didn’t have any chips out.
Dealer: He has cards. I can call the floor if you want, but he is going to tell you the same thing.
UIGEA: Call the floor.
Floor: You are in for 30 sir.
UIGEA: But I didn’t know.
Floor: I understand that, but that is the rule. You are not obligated to call the raise.
UIGEA: But I thought I was BB.
Floor: I understand that, but there is now action behind you.
UIGEA(looks miffed)

At this point I am ready to blow a gasket and say Look, you want to play in the biggest game in the room, but you don’t even know the [censored] rules. You want to be treated with respect simply because you’re older than someone, yet you don’t take responsibility for your own [censored]-ups. You can’t have it both ways. Either you can be a man and take on the responsibility that comes with it, or you can be a whiny little bitch, but you don’t get to be both. You know, online they post your blinds for you. Maybe you should play there. But instead I just sit there and take his dollars and hope to god that he doesn’t leave, as I am professional.

[Moonshine]

pokerbob, you're so pro

[HOWMANY]

You don't even give us any of his awesome explanations for why online poker should be illegal?

[PokerBob]

[ QUOTE ]
You don't even give us any of his awesome explanations for why online poker should be illegal?

[/ QUOTE ]

I do not know them. I know he told someone that it because "old people blow their savings" gambling online. I don't want to bring it up, as (a) it may piss him off, (b) I KNOW it will piss me off and (c) if we get into it, he likely will leave a shell of a man, hollowed out by my razor wit.

[PokerBob]

[ QUOTE ]
pokerbob, you're so pro

[/ QUOTE ]

yes. i am professional.

[MitchL]

[ QUOTE ]
You don't even give us any of his awesome explanations for why online poker should be illegal?

[/ QUOTE ]
I had 30 min long argument with him and his staffer yesterday @ 15-30. First off his contention is that its rigged. Aside from being a Party-line toeing politican, he is also an MIS and business professor. He says his students have software which can detect the turns, and rivers before they come. I honestly think he pulled this out of his ass when confronted with his earlier horrible logic. His first argument was the that "site is creating action to cap the rake." You've heard all of these before, teams etc. What Pbob says is true. He is utterly horrible at poker.

Eg

He open-limps in the CO, I raise 77 in the sb.

Flop: KK6 I bet he calls

Turn: K I bet he calls

River: A I bet he calls, saying I dont think you have the K and tables QJ high before I turn the nuts over.

[hoppscot22]

he is really bad, no question about it

[drbk2]

What a great post bob. The other good player's stuff is awesome. I think he is my new hero.

[PokerBob]

[ QUOTE ]

I had 30 min long argument with him and his staffer yesterday @ 15-30.

[/ QUOTE ]

Who is this "staffer"? Does he play often? I am assuming he is just as horrible. This argument sounded like fun. I may have to start one with him, as I like fun.

[PokerBob]

[ QUOTE ]
What a great post bob. The other good player's stuff is awesome. I think he is my new hero.

[/ QUOTE ]

agreed. he has uttered some of the funniest stuff i have ever heard at a poker table.