Are you addicted to the "high"? (i think i am)

[nevadaJACK]

Well, frankly, I don't know if this is necessarily a bad thing, but I've been especially cognizant of it, of late. While poker (gambling, in general, actually) used to give me a thrill (objectively speaking), I now find that it has the opposite effect, in that I actually find it soothing. Here's a dumb, but relevant anecdote: I recently took the NY bar exam, which required 8 to 10 hours / day of studying the most mind-numbingly boring material you can imagine for 6 to 8 weeks. To be blunt, I wanted to kill someone at the end of each day (usually myself; sometimes others); I would fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, and threw plenty of temper tantrums that would have made a 4-year old proud.
And what did I find most soothing at the end of long, frustrating study sessions? Why, opening up a few tables, and putting a ton of money at risk. And after a big losing session, I found myself asking how on Earth I could possibly feel relieved after just suffering 4-figure, sometimes 5-figure losses. Yes, that's right, I actually felt more at peace playing some of the highest stakes poker available than when reading a big fat book of corporate law.

And it got me to thinking that I never used to feel like this -- e.g. I remember being a 3/6 grinder not too long ago, and I'd get really excited opening up 6 or 8 tables...and it's a bit strange that as I've moved up in stakes, that sense of excitement has been somewhat replaced by a soothing calm...I guess a little bit like a heroin junkie needs higher and higher doses to get his 'fix'...not a perfect analogy, of course, but one that concerned me a bit, and got me wondering whether, despite my protestations that I haven't let gambling negatively affect my life, it might be working its effects at a more subtle level >> e.g. by muting my emotional reactions to various life events...I made a related post here
about how I felt like I was becoming somewhat 'emotionally sterile' because of my progression to high-stakes. And I wonder if it's needing to feel the "high" that has contributed to it...

What I guess you could say "concerns" me most about it, is that it's a classic problem-gambler mindset. In fact, while we're on that note, the fact of the matter is that I exhibit a TON of the classic "compulsive gambler" traits (which was turned into a 2+2 poll here .)

The only thing that keeps me from assigning myself the label of "problem gambler"? The fact that I'm a fairly substantial winner. If I were a losing player, I don't think there's any doubt that I'd easily qualify as a classic problem/compulive-gambler. (Then again, if I were a demonstrable losing player, I'm pretty sure I would have quit long ago.) So doesn't this all beg the question: should the mere fact that I'm a winning player allow me to escape the pejorative "compulsive-gambler" classification? The reference to someone as a "problem" gambler shouldn't really be contingent on whether or not he's a winner, should it? Oh well, that's another Q for another time...don't want to stray too far from the original topic, which is about the "high" I derive from it all...
Comment at will.

[PantsOnFire]

I enjoy the deception aspect. I don't employ deception in my life very often (other than "no you don't look fat in that dress"). So I have found a game where I can play with stealth and deception and that intrigues me.

Unfortunately, I do frequently play at levels where my deception goes unnoticed so I revert to playing more mathematically which is also an enjoyable aspect.

Figuring out what others are up to is another great aspect of holdem and poker in general. The two worst opponents are complete beginners who play randomly by accident and very good players who play randomly on purpose.

I am quite disconnected from the financial aspect of it and I guess that's mainly because I too am a +EV player.

[swingdoc]

OP

It definitely sounds like you're heading toward the realm of compulsive gambling. Feeling more relaxed and feeling more like yourself when you've got money on the table is NOT a good sign. When folks only feel truly "normal" after they've had a few beers, that's alcoholism. Same thing here. Btw, losing money is only one sign of a problem gambler. Emotional changes; changes with relationships with friends, family and coworkers; and effects on other responsibilities are equally valid signs of addiction.