Girl I'm dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what's my play?

TheVicar · #1 02-13-2007, 05:28 AM

First, some background. Cliff notes at the bottom.

I've known the girl in question for 6 or 7 years (today she's 20, I'm 26). We used to live in different parts of the country, but we have a common hobby which means that we've met like 3 or 4 times per year. We've always been quite friendly with each other, but nothing more (when we met, it was always at some sort of biggish get-together with little "privacy").

Last November, I moved to the city where she studies at university (for work reasons). Since then, we have seen each other once per week due to our common hobby. During this time, I have developed some sort of crush on her. So I started to ask her out in January. She always seemed quite interested in going to the movies, meeting for a drink or whatever, but due to the fact that I was travelling quite a bit for work reasons on the weekends and she was preparing for exams during the week, this didn't materialize until late in January. Since then, we have been out for dinner once and been to the movies twice (with a lot of cocktails and good conversation afterwards). But last time, she casually mentioned that she now has a boyfriend (who lives in the same city). The weird thing is that she didn't do this in a "Look-we-must-talk-I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-we-should-stop-meeting-the-way-we-recently-did" sort of way, but it was more like "Tonight was great as usual, when will we next go out? Oh, next Thursday is bad, I've already promised my new boyfriend to do [whatever it was]".

I'm really confused here. Is all of this a clear-cut indication that she considers me to be a friend and nothing more, and what's my play here? Let it drop? Wait for some time and see how the "boyfriend" thing develops? Simply tell her what's up to get to know where I stand, basically counting on her leaving the guy for me (or telling me straight away that she is not interested -- but would this be conclusive given her current situation?) Or something else?

FWIW, I know of at least two short-term relationships she has had in the past (and broke up herself after some weeks), so she is not the kind of girl where the fact that she has a boyfriend necessarily means that she thinks she has found the love of her life or something.

All input appreciated; I'm kind of lost here...

Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

Freakin · #2 02-13-2007, 05:33 AM

BURN!

runner4life7 · #3 02-13-2007, 05:33 AM

are you sure you ever were dating this girl? like did you even kiss her?

imitation · #4 02-13-2007, 05:34 AM

Sounds like you guys are great pals, obviously she never thought any more, sucks if you've been paying for drinks and dinner.

grando · #5 02-13-2007, 05:39 AM

friend ladder ftw

adsman · #6 02-13-2007, 05:41 AM

I'm more interested in this brand new accounts 'common hobby'. Sounds like we have something to hide. Cross-dressing enthusiasts? Model train collector? Dress up Dungeon and Dragons gaming?

edfurlong · #7 02-13-2007, 05:41 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are confused about what dating is.

runner4life7 · #8 02-13-2007, 05:46 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I'm more interested in this brand new accounts 'common hobby'. Sounds like we have something to hide. Cross-dressing enthusiasts? Model train collector? Dress up Dungeon and Dragons gaming?

[/ QUOTE ]

pretending to date people?

WhoIam · #9 02-13-2007, 05:57 AM

If your definition of "dating" is sometimes going out to dinner and movies with no physical connection, I guess I'm dating my mom. You're a friend and there's a <1% it will ever be anything more than this. Sorry. I've been there if it makes you feel any better.

juanez · #10 02-13-2007, 06:57 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Since then, we have been out for dinner once and been to the movies twice (with a lot of cocktails and good conversation afterwards). But last time, she casually mentioned that she now has a boyfriend (who lives in the same city). The weird thing is that she didn't do this in a "Look-we-must-talk-I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-we-should-stop-meeting-the-way-we-recently-did" sort of way, but it was more like "Tonight was great as usual, when will we next go out? Oh, next Thursday is bad, I've already promised my new boyfriend to do [whatever it was]".

[/ QUOTE ]

So three "dates". Any kissing/fooling around at all? If not, you're doomed. You're the "nice guy" that girls think are just there to be friends. Hey, if she's cool and you can handle that, remain friends and hope that things don't work out with her "boyfriend". If things fall apart there, you may decide to go for it.

FWIW, and not that it will make you feel any better, but I recently had a chick that I was dating for 4 months who was telling me that she loves me every day have her fiance fly into town and get married 3 weeks later. Worst chick experience I've had yet....but I'm poking this cute little Asian chick now. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

My advice: find another woman ASAP.