Are your regrets due to being too passive or too aggressive?

[Wynton]

I'm in a retrospective mood today, and it occurs to me that almost all of my regrets over my past conduct and decisions are related to a belief that I was too passive, rather than too aggressive. This is somewhat interesting, since most people who know me probably would not describe me as passive at all.

For example, consider sex and relationships. In retrospect, I can think of a number of missed opportunities which I deeply regret. On the other hand, I have virtually no regrets about taking a chance on a girl, even if it resulted in some embarassment at the time.

To a lesser degree, I have the same feeling about career-related decisions. Again, I can recall a few times when more aggression would have resulted in an opportunity for better work, or quicker advancement. But I don't think I can recall a single incident when being too aggressive hurt me.

So now I wonder how common my feelings are. I'm guessing that most people here, similarly, have a lot more regrets about being too passive, than about being too aggressive.

What do you think?

[SoloAJ]

I think it is in the nature of most people to have regrets due to being passive.

It is awfully hard to have too many large regrets becuase of aggression unless you're aggressive by nature. I guess I just have the basic assumption that most people are overly aggressive by nature.

I can't even think of a single regret that I have where I was "too aggressive" (that isn't poker related). Then again, I don't tend to regret too much to begin with compared to most people I know. I dunno.

Almost ALL relationship and sex related things are regrets of being too passive. If you were too aggressive, it means that you at least "made a move" which makes it awfully hard to regret.

Maybe passiveness causes regret, whereas aggressiveness would cause you more to just say "well, that sucked."

[BigPoppa]

Would you lump temper in with aggression?

I'd bet that most people regret having lost their temper at some point in the past.

[SoloAJ]

Not my thread, but I would count it there...at least if we're talking within the context of this question.

I don't lose my temper though unless something is crazy wild upsetting. Regardless, I would reckon you are correct BigPoppa.

[diebitter]

For me, it started off as being too passive when I was young, but now it's too aggressive.


However, I don't have many regrets all told. I have a pretty good life through going it alone in business - which requires an aggressive, positive streak, and while not being fantastically successful, it has allowed me to get up the property ladder pretty quickly + do several things I wouldn't have done if I'd have stayed as an employee.


My biggest regret is a dud, actually. When I was 17, I thought I got a girl I loved pregnant. She told me she wanted an abortion, and I didn't stand up and say I wanted her to have it. I was partly scared about so much responsibility young, but deep, deep down I didn't want her to abort it. But I said nothing, and went along with it.

It turned out she wasn't, but even to this day, I feel a little ashamed I never said what I should have back then. And it feels sort of stupid feeling guilty about something that never happened anyway.

So it goes.

[Lonhro]

The only thing I was too aggressive with was my approach to poker. Apart from that I define passive, and have a lot of regrets because of it - nothing I won't get over though.

[Wynton]

[ QUOTE ]
Would you lump temper in with aggression?

I'd bet that most people regret having lost their temper at some point in the past.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, I would not include temper in my question. I was considering more deliberate decisions, where one actively and consciously elected eithe to act or refrain from acting.

[Wondercall]

My whole life is a big regret due to being WAY too passive, like, unusually passive.

[youtalkfunny]

Seems like a no-brainer to me.

If you go down swinging, you have no regrets.

[Yawning Chain]

I never regret being agressive. I rarely regret being passive. I always regret being passive-agressive.