MIAWWISUTOC review: "Down Periscope"

[youtalkfunny]

MIAWWISUTOC = Movies I Always Watch When I Stumble Upon Them On Cable

DOWN PERISCOPE -- 1996

Starring Kelsey Grammer, Lauren Holly, Rob Schneider, Bruce Dern, William H Macy, and Rip Torn.

I don't know why I keep trying to write these reviews. I'm not very good at describing WHY a film or an actor is good or bad. In other words, "I don't know much about movies, I just know what I like." And when I like something, and I think you guys would also like it, I use the "review" format to get your attention.

Here's a movie I love: "Down Periscope". It's literally a laugh a minute. No huge, side-splitting, belly laughs. Just lovable characters that you like being with, and every one of them is funny.

The best way to describe it is to compare it to another comedy you may have seen: "Major League". In "Major League", a team of ragtag misfits is brought together, and given an impossible task (like win the Eastern Division). The team is led by a wily veteran catcher, but mostly consists of unproven rookies with low expectations. The owner of the team wants them to lose, and constantly interferes negatively, making it tougher to reach their goal. The audience likes the boys on the team. We find them funny, and we cheer for them to beat the Yankees.

Now, change the wily veteran catcher to a wily veteran Commanding Officer; the interfering team owner with an interfering Admiral, who dislikes the wily veteran CO; the laughing stock Cleveland Indians with a laughing stock diesel submarine in the nuclear age; and the motley ballplayers with motley crewmen. Now, you're ready for "Down Periscope".

Kelsey Grammer plays Tom Dodge. At the start of the film, he's the XO (2nd in command) onboard the submarine USS Orlando. The Orlando is skippered by straight-laced, by-the-book Carl Knox, played by William H Macy. Knox is lecturing XO Dodge, telling him that if he wasn't such a loose cannon, he would've been promoted to CO of his own boat by now, which led to this memorable scene:

Dodge: Oh gee. Now I've gone and done it, ruined my career.

Captain Knox: [Reading a radio message] Apparently not. This is just in from COMSUBLANT. You're to report to Norfolk immediately... to take command of your own submarine.

Dodge: That's not funny.

Captain Knox: No, it's not. That's why they decoded it twice.

Knox struts into COMSUBLANT HQ, ready and eager to get his own boat. Admiral Graham (Bruce Dern) doesn't like Dodge, and takes particular pleasure in showing Dodge his new boat: an old, rusty, WWII-era diesel sub.

It's going to be used in an upcoming war game. Admiral Winslow (Rip Torn) is concerned that the Russians might sell off their old fleet of diesel subs to countries who harbor terrorists, which could pose a threat. He wants a wily officer to try to outsmart the nuclear fleet in a mock invasion of Norfolk harbor.

ADM WINSLOW: Well, what do you think?

DODGE: I think I'm gonna get my ass kicked, sir.

ADM WINSLOW: Aw, don't think like that! Damn it to hell! Don't go by the book. Think like a pirate.

Winslow promises Dodge command of a real sub, if he can pull this off. Not having much alternative, Dodge agrees.

Dodge meets his new crew. They spend some time scraping off the rust, and getting the USS Stingray ready for action.

Adm Graham (Dern) is also tickled that Dodge has been given a hopeless mission, and giggles while he waits for Dodge to fall flat on his face. To make the impossible mission even more difficult, Graham assigns a woman (Holly) as the boat's dive officer, the first woman to ever serve on a US sub. This not only distracts the crew, but it also puts an untested rookie in the very important role of dive officer.

But Dodge knows a few tricks, and actually fulfills the first part of a two-part mission, against all odds. He even flies a pirate's flag off the mast of his boat, to celebrate.

Graham can't stand the thought of seeing Dodge succeed, so he sends practically the entire Atlantic Fleet after the Stingray as Dodge tries to complete his mission.

That's all the summary you get from me. You'll have to watch the rest. Now we start the "review" part.

Here's the highest praise I can offer this movie: William H Macy turns in the worst performance. This guy NEVER turns in a bad performance. But he has nothing to do in this one. Of course, since he does everything well, he's certainly up to the task of doing "nothing".

EVERYBODY else is good in this one. Grammer leads the way. At first, I thought that the role should be played by a more grizzled, salty, seafaring type. But you need to be a college boy to command subs nowadays--once I figured that out, I was no longer disappointed with the casting of Grammer.

Young Rob Schneider (wow, he looked SO different ten years ago) is fantastic as Grammer's XO, in an over-the-top performance. Dern is good as the villian. Rip Torn is also good in everything he does. Lauren Holly is very pleasing to look at--and her acting abilities come as a pleasant surprise.

As good as the leads are, the strength of this movie is the crew. They're all no-name actors (except for Harry Dean Stanton, who plays--guess what?--the salty, grizzled, seafaring enlisted man in charge of the engine room). You'll meet them: Buckman, Sonar, Stepanik, Spots, Jackson, Nitro, Howard, and the rest. And each of them will make you laugh.

Since this is a comedy, you can throw out everything I've written so far. The only thing that matters is, "Is it funny?" YES. It's funny. I don't want to spoil all the jokes, but like I said, a laugh-a-minute sounds about right.

If you haven't seen this one yet, keep your eyes peeled. It seems like it's on Cinemax or HBO at least once a week. I know that every time I stumble upon it, I watch it again.

[p002geo]

I always find myself watching this when it comes on as well. Very funny movie. Great exhcnage

I found a fingernail in my food buckman yesterday it was a bandaid.

Sorry sir the bandaid was holding the fingernail on.

[Colt McCoy]

One of my favorite comedies. Harland Williams was hilarious. He was great in Rocketman too.

[diebitter]

This DEFINITELY sounds like a film I'd enjoy greatly. I have ordered it. Thanks for the review, I'll post my thoughts once I've watched it.