Why should I pay for my son to go away to college?

[Big Bend]

I live in Houston. I'm a University of Houston grad, and I worked full time while going to night school to support myself and pay my own way. My parents didn't help me at all with college expenses, I was living on my own. I now have a son who is a sophmore in highschool, a great kid who gets mostly straight A's.

Now its my contention, after 20 years in business, that where you get your degree from is completely irrelevant for most occupations. All a degree is good for is to help you get your first job. After that its your work experiences that help you advance your career.

That being said, I'm happy to pay for my son's tuition if he goes to U of Houston, and he can continue to live rent free at home - living expenses being a huge part of sending the kids away to school.. but why should I spend $20K+ / year for him to go to an out of town college? Sure, life would be sweet for him to spend 4 years living outa town and partying all the time. But that'll cost me a bunch more $$ (which I'd rather save for my retirement) and won't help him find a better job upon completion. My thinking is if he wants to go to an out of town school, he'd better land a nice scholarship and be prepared to pay for any expenses on his own that would exceed a typical UoH tuition. I'll also STRONGLY urge him to never go into debt with student loans when alternatives exist.

Those kids who get to go away to college and have everything paid for by mommy and daddy are pretty spoiled - they often turn into sanctimonious liberals who don't have a clue. Why should I do the same for my son when a perfectly good alternative exists here at home? I've also found it to be +EV when I've interviewed for jobs and tell them how I paid my own way thru school.

L8r.. BB

[traz]

My parents never paid for me to go away to school, and I don't hold it against them. It's a luxury, and if he wants it, he should put in the work to get it.

That beind said, I still went away to school and took out many a loan to do so, and my parents mostly felt bad for me at that point, and proceeded to help me out financially in alot of ways.

[NickMPK]

If your son can get into an Ivy League school, I would strongly urge you not to hold him back because of money. He can still get financial aid and loans and stuff, but the increased cost of going to to a top tier school is certainly worth it in the long run. My wife got into Yale but her parents forced her to go to an in-state college because of money, and she has resented them hugely for it ever since.

[Keyser.]

You sound just like my dad. :-)

I don't really want to come off as the spoiled liberal kid you hate. You clearly have every right to not pay for your son's college.

That said, you say that his option of living at home and going to the local college is a perfectly good alternative to going away to school. Surely you can imagine just how better his quality of life would be over the next four years if he were away in a new town, meeting new friends and having new enriching experiences rather than simply living in your basement. If you can afford it without seriously jeopardizing your retirement, isn't that an experience you would like your son to have?

[lippy]

We're only on this earth for a finite, small amount of time. Let your kid enjoy these four years of his life instead of enduring it.

If you can help him out, do so. If it hurts you financially, make him get loans. But, let him have his college experience. He will make life-long friends and find himself. You can't take your money with you.

[bruin]

i completely agree with keyser, fwiw.

[Badger]

My Dad had a similar situation to yours. He worked full time and put himself all the way through law school and became a succesful lawyer.
He paid for my school because he wanted me to have the experiences he couldn't, and I am very thankful for it. I wouldn't consider myself spoiled however. My dad did a lot to teach me what he had learned in life, and to value everything we had as an affluent family, as he came from a small farming town.


That being said he didn't pay much for my school as I still got a decent amount of scholarships and went to a state university. And I chose to work to support myself, even though my family gave me the option not to.
By the time your son goes off to college his character should be pretty well defined. Most of the spoiled college kids were that way before they got there.

EDIT: I'd like to add, for the love of God, don't let him live at home while he's going to college. This would be a mistake, especially if you want him to learn how to pay his own way.

[MrMon]

Living on your own while at college is a big part of growing up. My kids have awhile until college, well, 7 years, but it has always been a part of the plan to have them live on campus. Now, expenses are another matter and you may need your kid to go to an in-state school, but going to college and living at home just makes it an extension of high school.

BTW, worrying about him partying all the time sounds like a bigger worry than the expense. As long as he doen't do himself permanent harm, screwing up by partying too much, if he even does it, is hardly a bad lesson. You can't protect him forever.

[TheSalche]

The experience of living on your own is quite valuable. I'm currently a junior at UIUC and my parents have paid my way through school. That being said, all of my spending money at college has been made through summer jobs, working part time at school, graduation money ($1Kish). Living on my own has taught me a lot of social skills that I never got in high school. I have friends who go to school and live at home and they are pretty unhappy with it.

If your son is a good and studious kid, he is not going to spend all his time partying. Don't forget if he gets a low GPA you can stop payment and make him go to school at home until he straightens himself out.

Both of my parents worked/got scholarships for college and they're paying for my college experience because they want me to get as much out of college without worrying about $$$ all the time, etc.

[MatthewRyan]

I strongly urge you to encourage him to move out for college. I spent my first 2 years of college working/saving money while attending a JC near by just so I could afford to move out. The experiences I have gained since moving out have been so enriching and have allowed me to really grow up and mature.

If your son stays at home with you he will not only be missing out on a TON of fun, but he really just be a high school senior attending a college. The reason I use that analogy is because he will maintain the same friends (or find others that were acquaintances who didnt do well enough to get into good school) and keep nearly the exact same lifestyl he lead as a senior in highschool; until he is 21 and adds going to bars into his social life.

Its in your son's best interest to move out and learn to make new friends, learn to network, learn to enjoy himself with his new found freedom and responsibility. I can see a major difference between my friends have gown away to college for 4 years and those who stayed at home and did the JC or local univeristy route.

Also, there is no reason that your son should not work if he moves out. I suggest a situation where you pay for his school cost + his living expenses - $600-800 a month. This way he will need to make about $6-800 a month by working to keep himself away at college and thus gains the work experience you want him to have. You can inturn set aside this difference and add that to your 401k or IRA each month for retirement.

k sorry that was kinda long, just a topic I've thought a lot about and really wish my parents had allowed me to goto a 4year university from the start.