SFW Joke Thread

[NajdorfDefense]

A man walking along a British Columbia beach was deep in prayer.

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one desire."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several of my beautiful natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife! I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."

There was a moment of silence...then The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[FilthyLarry]

What's brown and sticky?

<font color="white">a stick</font>

[Bicycles_Biatch]

[ QUOTE ]
What's brown and sticky?

<font color="white">a stick</font>

[/ QUOTE ]

Ill bite

[Bicycles_Biatch]

What's that worthless thing around a Vagina called....


A women.

[chopstick]

A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[beenben]

What's the President of the Senate say to the SeaWorld dolphin?
answer in whtie:
<font color="white"> For what porpoise does the gentleman rise? </font>

[it may be lame but I wrote it myself.]

[edfurlong]

[ QUOTE ]
What's brown and sticky?

<font color="white">a stick</font>

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[goofball]

Skeleton walks into a bar. He says "gimme a beer and a mop"

[Fishmonger]

[ QUOTE ]
A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[/ QUOTE ]

In the middle of a good string of jokes this absolutely kills.

[ShakeZula06]

A guys driving home from work. His wife calls him and says "be careful there's some crazy guy driving on the wrong side of the road". The guy says "Hell, 99 of them are!".