Pick Your Kid's Sexual Orientation!

[hmkpoker]

As an offshoot of a post in SMP here, I present a goofy situation that, science willing, you'll one day be presented with in the future.


It's the future. Science has developed a method that allows expecting parents to select their child's sexual orientation. Said procedure is painless, cheap, 100% effective, carries no side effects, and is capable of providing an orientation from anywhere in the spectrum (child can be selected to be exclusively heterosexual, mostly heterosexual, bisexual, mostly homosexual, or exclusively homosexual.) Once undergone, the child's sexual predisposition is set, and is no more malleable than it is today (i.e., no similar treatments exist for a 20-year-old gay person who wants to be straight).


You or your partner is pregnant, you're planning on keeping it, and this procedure is available. Let's take a look at your options, for boys and girls:


Exclusively straight
PROS: Won't be a victim of homophobia. Likely to have a good football arm. Most likely to have a stable monogamous relationship.
CONS: Is doomed to forever put up with women. Group sexual encounters annoyingly elusive, random hookups more challenging.

Mostly straight (a.k.a. the two-beer queer)
PROS: Random gay encounters will make for hilarious stories amongst his straight friends.
CONS: Many. Will spend a lot of time personally conflicted and confused about his sexual identity. After his college experiments, he will be painfully aware of the mediocrity of his BJ's.

Bisexual
PROS: Gets to live a wild life of satisfying, uninhibited, kinky sex. Gets the best of both worlds.
CONS: Will be very experimental. May do a lot of drugs and end up talking about weird stuff like identifying outside the gender binary.

Mostly gay
PROS: Will often be mistaken for exclusively gay, which will get him tons of chicks fawning over him. Unlike the full-on homosexual, he'll actually be able to tap their asses.
CONS: His female high-school sweetheart may develop an eating disorder when she blames herself for sending him to the attraction of men.

Exclusively gay
PROS: Will get laid, easily and frequently. Will never cause an accidental pregnancy. Likely to have excellent fashion sense.
CONS: Will probably go through a series of shallow sex-based come-and-go relationships with many different partners. Fortunately, he's not really missing anything [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]



Oh wait, it might be a girl!



Exclusively straight
PROS: Won't go to hell.
CONS: If in any kind of metropolitan area, will probably be the last of a dying breed. Risks pregnancy, and has to deal with incompetent, philandering dolts. Lack of possibility of a threeway may turn away very selective potential mates.

Mostly straight
PROS: Immediately more attractive than a straight girl, will get rounds of applause when she makes out with girls in public.
CONS: Likely to be a tease.

Bisexual
PROS: DAMN sexy.
CONS: None.

Mostly lesbian
PROS: Gets to have wonderful, emotionally satisfying relationships without becoming a total man-hater.
CONS: Will probably be driven to lesbianism by guys who mistake her for a bi girl.

Exclusively lesbian
PROS: You don't have to worry about her getting knocked up. Will make an excellent golfer.
CONS: Political opinions may drive people to strangle her.

[private joker]

The scariest thing about this post is that you might breed.

[SNOWBALL]

For the first and 2nd, I let god roll the dice. For myself, I picked "mostly gay." I'm totally heterosexual now, but I am miserable with women. It's impossible men could be this bad.

[WalkUpCondo]

I didn't vote because I don't really care, but I loled a few times at this post. Well done.

[miajag]

Why would anyone WANT their kids to be gay as opposed to straight?

[Dan.]

[ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone WANT their kids to be gay as opposed to straight?

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Living in white, upper middle class USA might not provide enough hurdles for my kids, so I want atleast one to be gay. It'll keep him humble.

[Warik]

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The scariest thing about this post is that at least one person specifically wants his/her child to be gay.

[/ QUOTE ]

[hmkpoker]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone WANT their kids to be gay as opposed to straight?

[/ QUOTE ]

Living in white, upper middle class USA might not provide enough hurdles for my kids, so I want atleast one to be gay. It'll keep him humble.

[/ QUOTE ]

Him? No votes yet for a gay male child, though there's some support for dykey daughters.

I think you'd be better off just naming your son "Sue" and watching him grow up and kick the crap out of everyone [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[CallMeIshmael]

[ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone WANT their kids to be gay as opposed to straight?

[/ QUOTE ]

If the person voting was gay, I think I could see it

[Klompy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why would anyone WANT their kids to be gay as opposed to straight?

[/ QUOTE ]

If the person voting was gay, I think I could see it

[/ QUOTE ]

But how would a gay person have the choice of "their child's" orientation?