I need help ... badly

[SoCalPat]

I gotta find a way to handle the endless runs of suckouts and bad beats.

Usually, when this happens, I'm a complete ass, berating players and the like. Wise-ass remarks will send me over the edge. I'd like to think that my play isn't affected that much. Preflop, not much changes, but I probably disregard odds and the probability that I'm beaten more than I actually realize. I don't know how many times I've called to get a showdown just so I could show the donkey on the other end just how lucky he got.

Tonight, however, I was on a mission. To lose the final $150 (after starting the day at $320) in my Paradise account. That amount didn't truly represent my entire bankroll, as I'm regularly making deposits. I'll be the first to say I win more than most, but not nearly as much as I could.

I moved up from .5/1 HE and 1/2 draw to 3/6 SH HE to ensure this would happen as quickly as possible. And sure enough, the bad beats and compromising turn/river cards came, and poof ... I was done. First, catching a third 10 on the turn, only to lose to a boat, then getting into a raising war PF with 92 suited on my final hand. I think I was drawing dead on the turn.

I'm constantly telling myself that there's no need to berate, that you're better than most out there -- a Stewart Smalley act if you will. And it works for a half dozen sessions or so, then the blowups come again.

Would a psychiatrist help? Books? I need something, because I'm too good to allow my emotions to destroy my game ... as well as my reputation, although in the online world, I'm wondering if there's much I can do to restore that. Or maybe I'm just not that good to begin with, although I'd like to think being up nearly $15K since the beginning of 2004 is good for something -- two seconds in multis for a total of $2,100 "inflates" that number somewhat, though, as it pertains to the overall total.

If you need to know more before you can give a reasoned answer, boardmail me. I'm pretty much open to anything right now. I'm a mess.