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#1
12-09-2006, 06:50 PM
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Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
With all of the "how to's" to write a romantic, but not over the top cheesy letter to your significant other or hopeful, pull up a front row seat and observe how masterfully it is done, kids. This ought to serve as a charming template for many days to come.
-------------------------------------- Dear Goddess, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Took me a while to write this poem. I hope you appreciate its excellence, and greatly understand the meaning and thought behind it. It is a token of my appreciation for you, the wonderful prose demonstrated in it cannot be topped, it is an artifact for our precious relationship that hopefully will prove to last the test of time. I am forever in your debt for the kindness and warmth you have given me, and hope to fulfill the same feelings within you that you have so eloquently changed in me. You are uplifting, joyous, marvelous, fabulous, and nearly every combination of uplifting synonyms known to man. I am writing you this letter to perhaps preserve a large percentage of the stock in your ass, which allegedly, is rising to be very profitable among the Walsh street market. I will treat my shares with respect and admiration once they are disclosed to me, and my investors as well as my staff will of course do the same. This time apart has been extremely tough, but I am trying to retain some sanity throughout, so when you make your heavenly return I will be able to extend the greeting you are so very much entitled to. I will have several lubricants, candles, and enticing aphrodisiacs prepared, as well as an able Mexican staff on call to serve us with the stimulating dishes. Afterward, I will give you a lavish tour of the kitchen sink which you have not seen in quite a while, followed by a grand tour of the master bedroom, which has your name written all over it. I love you so much baby, and can't wait for your return. -Your stud muffin 
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#3
12-09-2006, 06:52 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
[ QUOTE ]
Dear Goddess, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. [/ QUOTE ] I stopped after this. Please stop posting letters.
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#5
12-09-2006, 06:58 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
This is like a lame white guy's version of Smoove B from The Onion:
"Ever since we met two weeks ago, I knew you were the one for me. Your style, your booty, and your class are beyond all compare. In a world populated with many fine women, you are without a doubt the most fine. Let Smoove take you out tonight or, if you are busy, tomorrow night to show you how I treat a lady as exceptional as you. Allow me to break it down: First, I will pick you up from your house in a white limousine and take you to the finest dance club in the entire city. The people at this club will be attractive and the beats will be crazy. We will not be in the club for a minute before we get on the dance floor. Even though the other people will be good dancers, we will be the best. When you bump, I will bump. When you grind, I will grind. We will move together like twins who happen to like to freak. When you have had your fill of dancing, I will take you by the hand and lead you to the most romantic corner of the entire club and sit you down on one of the plush, red-velvet couches. While you rest, Smoove will go the bar and purchase a drink for you. Before I bring it back to you, I will taste it, demanding finer gin should it fall short of my expectations for you. Also, I will ask for less ice so that your gin and tonic is not diluted. While you sip your drink, I will stroke your hair and tell you such complimentary things as "You are like a fine statue carved out of brown marble," and "Your eyes are like pools of creamy Italian butter," and "You have beautiful shoes." You will know that I mean these things because they come from the heart, and the heart is always true. At this point, we will go back to my place, where I will prepare a dinner specially suited for one as lovely as you. While I am cooking the meal, we will talk about your life, your hopes, and your dreams. At this point, I will unthaw a deluxe bag of jumbo shrimp for you to sample as the appetizer. There will also be cocktail sauce. "
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#6
12-09-2006, 06:58 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
[ QUOTE ]
Please stop posting. [/ QUOTE ] i like my wording better. rj
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#7
12-09-2006, 07:00 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
This has "I'm banging that Lolita from down the block while you are away" written all over it.
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#8
12-09-2006, 07:08 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Dear Goddess, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. [/ QUOTE ] I stopped after this. Please stop posting letters. [/ QUOTE ] How did you make it past "Dear Goddess?"
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#10
12-09-2006, 07:13 PM
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Re: Wifes Vacationing in Bahamas. Judge my letter to her.
Do you have any respect for your own privacy? I can't imagine anything more personal, unless this is some kind of joke, which, given the prose, it may well be.
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