Are my thoughts on relationships too stringent?

Lonhro · #1 12-04-2006, 09:23 AM

Ok, so I'm 25, and in all seriousness I've probably only had 1 (maybe 2) serious girlfriends, the main one lasting 4 years on and off. Since I was about 15yo, I feel like I've always had a very good perception of what I want my life to be. Even at this point in my life I still don't know what I want to do in terms of career (perhaps I'm behind the 8-ball here, but the last couple of years have been a tad turbulent - job problems ran into me quitting, turning poker pro, terrible bankroll management, significant family problems etc - the list goes on) but I know I want to be successful but only to ensure I have a wonderful wife, children, family etc. I have quite open minded friends who think I am retarded for not going nuts and trying to bang as many women as possible. I had a discussion with said friends tonight and a number of (female) acquaintances who didn't believe me until my friends of 6+ years convinced them that this belief, at least when it comes to me, it 100% true: I can never see myself having a relationship with someone unless I can see myself marrying them down the line.

Note: this does NOT mean I WILL marry said girl, it just means that she is a POTENTIAL wife - someone who I can envisage myself spending the rest of my life with.

Reason this came up is because I found myself in a situation on the weekend where I hooked up with a girl whom I find mildly attractive but in all seriousness her looks and personality don't fit the description I have set as my 'standard' if you will of someone whom I could marry and spend the rest of my life with down the track. I am being bagged by my buddies telling me to just have fun with her until it ends, that it would be good for me, then move on.

I have never had this mentality. Am I weird? Or are there other men out there who feel exactly like I do, but a) can't express it like I can or b) go down this path while feeling the same way?

d10 · #2 12-04-2006, 09:27 AM

There are other people who live like this. But along with you, they need to lower their standards and just try to have fun.

mosdef · #3 12-04-2006, 09:28 AM

You'll do better in the long run by having lots of different GFs and learning more about yourself and the type of girl that suits you best before you get married. If you plan to meet the perfect girl, without really figuring out what that means to you, you'll end up settling for someone you think is perfect and then end up in divorce court in a couple of years.

Lonhro · #4 12-04-2006, 09:33 AM

[ QUOTE ]
You'll do better in the long run by having lots of different GFs and learning more about yourself and the type of girl that suits you best before you get married. If you plan to meet the perfect girl, without really figuring out what that means to you, you'll end up settling for someone you think is perfect and then end up in divorce court in a couple of years.

[/ QUOTE ]

In a way I see that you're 100% right, but in the instance of the incident that happened on the weekend, I know for a fact she is not my idea of my perfect girl, so my mentality is a) why should I lead her to think otherwise, and b) why bother?

mosdef · #5 12-04-2006, 09:39 AM

[ QUOTE ]
In a way I see that you're 100% right, but in the instance of the incident that happened on the weekend, I know for a fact she is not my idea of my perfect girl, so my mentality is a) why should I lead her to think otherwise, and b) why bother?

[/ QUOTE ]

a) You shouldn't assume that every chick you hook up with thinks that you want to marry her. You can be honest about short-term relationships and if she says "no way" then it's over.

b) By having relationships with different kinds of people you can learn more about yourself and have fun. That's pretty much the meaning of life.

captZEEbo · #6 12-04-2006, 10:55 AM

I used to have this same philosophy too, then one day I was horny and made out with this girl (first time ever) I kinda liked but thought she wouldn't be long-term dating material. Now over a year later I realized she was a lot different than I thought she was before I dated her.

funkymunky · #7 12-04-2006, 10:58 AM

Humans being humans, you may well not take any advice, but I was once like you, too.

If I could do it over again, I would go out with as many girls as possible. You'll learn about relationships, about people, and well, your weiner will thank you for it.

The X-Factor · #8 12-04-2006, 11:02 AM

I think its perfectly normal to feel the way you do man. Just keep on plugging and good things will happen.

keith123 · #9 12-04-2006, 11:10 AM

yeah, i think your general viewpoint is ok. when you KNOW you wouldn't want to marry a girl or be with her for a long time, then there is nothing wrong with breaking up with her (or not dating her in the first place). you probably want to lower you "definitely no marraige" standards a little bit, but i don't really know what they are, so you might be on the right track already.

something that might work for you is this...date girls you know very little about, so by the time you've gathered enough information to know they aren't the one for you, you've at least had some fun, and learned some things about women and dating in general. give them a chance, because some girls will surprise you, but once you know for sure, if you can live without the sex, break up with them.