Green Bay Horror Stories (Trip Report NFL weekend)

Dementia · #1 11-21-2006, 12:43 AM

cross posting this seeing as how BBV are a bunch of nits who only care about outdraws and 'balla laptops' and i did not write all this to recieve 5 comments. enjoy.

--------------------

So, -$2500 later, here I sit after the weekend from hell, writing to a bunch of anonymous strangers on an internet forum just to rehatch this horrid tale of the vacation from hell once more.

It was my third trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin. I had to wake up at 5 in the AM to head over to Newark Airport to take my first flight to Chicago before my connecting flight to Green Bay. My ears take a complete dump on me and I'm half-deaf for mostly each flight there.

I arrive in Green Bay airport at around roughly noon, and my buddys and I haul our luggage into a car service van which was driven by a toothless hick with the worst BO I've been around in years, and I live in a multi-cultural armpit. This guy looked like he'd been on the wrong side of one too many bar fights, he was wearing a baseball cap that said 'GULF WAR VETERAN' on the back. He drives us approximately ONE mile to our hotel from the airport.

So sir, how much will that be? The bastard says '$28.00'. '28$? It went up from last year huh?'. 'Sure did!'. I knew it sounded fishy as hell, because last year we stayed at the exact same hotel and it was nowhere near that, plus we tipped the vagrant $5. We get into the hotel and out of curiousity ask the front desk clerk the standard rate to go from the nearby airport to this hotel, he tells us around 10 to 12 bucks. The snaggle tooth [censored] ripped us off, the clerk exclaims to me "He ripped YOU off? From New York? Wow, we got a van here if you want we can go get your $$ back" I look at my buds and say [censored] it, let the old no toothed SOB get drunk off an extra 20 bucks, if anything we'll get our $ back if we bump into him at the airport on the way back.

Next was boring crap, the next unusual highlite was dinner at a place called Titletown Brewery. I am going to need to bold this part because that's how ridiculous it is, we had a gay, Chinese, one-armed waiter from California who sounded like what you'd imagine Steve Urkel would after he'd be insuffulating meth all night long. Needless to say, our conversation with the obviously open homosexual went something like this.

"Do you have that really kickass beer yall had the past two years?"

"Oh no sorriez, that beer is seasonal".

"Ok, why aren't there any buffalo wings on the menu anymore?"

"Oh we dont make them anymore, they are more seasonal."

WTF , apparently everything we liked on the [censored] menu was 'seasonal' , which makes complete sense when you consider we came here the past two years in the exact same month. Whatever, we ate, got really drunk off Yukon Jack, Soco, chased everything with Bud and made conversation with local small towners.

Other events contain our hotel being HIT by a swarm of Mexicans who wore NO football jersey, they had rented out our hotels banquet room to have some uber secret, private party. Rolls eyes.

Game day. Need I say more, seriously? 35-0. 35-to-[censored]-nothing. Nothing to cheer about the ENTIRE game, the worst game I have watched live or on TV in my entire life, it included five first downs, our star to be QB breaking his foot and being out for the year, our old wily veteran spraining his wrist or whatever the hell he did to his arm, drinks being spilled all over my sneakers, a guy sitting infront of me who obviously bathed that morning in [censored] cologne, a horrible game I cant even illustrate without feeling like I've been short-changed something awful.

Oh well, atleast we'll have a great dinner tonight our last night here right? NOT. Why would we expect it on the trip from hell anyway where we've been taking it up the ass from every toothless cab driver, been served by homosexual gimps, and witnessed the most god awful sporting event short of the Yankees being swept after having the Sox on the ropes.

We sit down, place is crowded, but it's been way more happening the previous few years. We get this dorky looking broad (WTF???) wearing a small halter-top thing, and wearing really geeky glasses. Whatever, we order an appetizer for starters, and order our entrees as well. Ordered some chicken bites (they dont serve wings remember), and I attempt to order my Bison melt (they're out of buffalo meat), so I settle for a retarded ass cheese burger. 25 minutes go by.

25 minutes go by. "Hey, gonna check on those chicken bites guys". "Yeah , thanks" (almost a half hour waiting), the broad strolls back by,

"Guys, it's going to be quite a while until your foods ready".

"WTF, why?"

"We got slammed in the kitchen with everyone coming in placing orders."

Me - "You got slammed, what does that mean 'you got slammed'. We are the only ones here not eating and havent even been served an appetizer yet."

Her face flushed " Would you like to speak with the manager"?"

Me " No, i'd like to know why it takes over 20 minutes to cook 10 chicken bites and some food, we're the only ones not eating and you were slammed?"

"Im sorry sir"

The manager comes over, apologizes profusely, says theres not an excuse for it, and assures us our food will be out within two minutes after that retarded dork telling us it'd be quite a while after 25 minutes of waiting. It's out as promised within 2 minutes, he tells us not to fill up because we're getting dessert on the house, we say no thanks. Ten minutes later he walks by with a huge eisel looking tray of scrumptious looking desserts, so I cave in and order a brownie. The appeptizers were also comped, sweet, but whatever.

Cliff Notes

A horrible time.

Gay, one armed waiters from hell.

Incompetent dork broad waiters from hell.

Snaggle toothed people everywhere, cab drivers from hell who apparently dont understand the usage of soap with water and NOT ripping off out of towners.

A team that took it so far up the ass it'd make Abner Louima look like a whiney, non-sympathy-deserved bitchass. 35-0.

Over priced drinks, dancers that if not protected by being humans, if pigs would be put outside and slaughtered and fed to everyone. Cottage cheese everywhere.

Do NOT go to Green Bay - atleast until they can start winning again. Seriously, I'm done. Thanks.

StevieG · #2 11-21-2006, 12:52 AM

Winning is seasonal.

Dementia · #3 11-21-2006, 12:54 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Winning is seasonal.

[/ QUOTE ]
It would appear so. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

BCPVP · #4 11-21-2006, 12:59 AM

1. Shoulda gone huntin'! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

2. Where'd you eat the second time?

3. What dancers are you talking about? The GB cheerleaders?

Shenlong · #5 11-21-2006, 12:59 AM

The story doesn't suck less the more you post it.

tuq · #6 11-21-2006, 01:03 AM

Why in the hell you would post anything in BBV and hope for a serious or non-one-line response is beyond me.

"Chicken Bites" is one of the most emasculating appetizer names I've ever heard of this side of "Biggie Fries". If you were so down on the place why did you go back a second time?

Also, did you hear the joke about the gay, one-armed Chinese waiter from California? He annoyed the hell out of some tourist and then went home and had butt secks with a dude.

Dementia · #7 11-21-2006, 01:03 AM

[ QUOTE ]
1. Shoulda gone huntin'! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

2. Where'd you eat the second time?

3. What dancers are you talking about? The GB cheerleaders?

[/ QUOTE ]

1.) Yup, alot of people were dressed out in orange camoflauge, the toothless bastard in the cab predicted that'd be the case after he was done recounting his combat stories.

2.) The second report is actually the same place, only because it's one block from the hotel and Curlys Pub was fkn packedddd. We actually ate at other better bars too, but not worthy of complaints.

3.) No, the dancers at the nudey bars, which another colorful cab driver referred to as meat racks. The broads were disgusting.

Dementia · #8 11-21-2006, 01:05 AM

[ QUOTE ]

Also, did you hear the joke about the gay, one-armed Chinese waiter from California? He annoyed the hell out of some tourist and then went home and had butt secks with a dude.

[/ QUOTE ]
To his credit, he was one helluva waiter. The place had custom beer, so we ordered the 8 drink sampler and he carried a whole rack of drinks with one arm. It was more over his bitchy, flirty style of making conversation that irked me of him, more so than his gimpedness.

StevieG · #9 11-21-2006, 01:09 AM

also, New Yorkers going to rural Wisconsin and getting long hauled == ironilicious

BCPVP · #10 11-21-2006, 01:14 AM

[ QUOTE ]
2.) The second report is actually the same place, only because it's one block from the hotel and Curlys Pub was fkn packedddd. We actually ate at other better bars too, but not worthy of complaints.

[/ QUOTE ]
Something doesn't compute here. So you went back to Titletown the second time? You said your hotel was a mile from the airport, but that's not possible if your hotel was a block from Titletown.

[ QUOTE ]
3.) No, the dancers at the nudey bars, which another colorful cab driver referred to as meat racks. The broads were disgusting.

[/ QUOTE ]
The nudey bars in GB? No wonder. Try Beansnappers or Sapphires in Appleton next time. They're no Spearmint Rhino, but it's usually pretty cheap.

And if you wanted to watch a good game, why did you come when they played the Pats?