My son wants to get laid

[Big Bend]

My oldest son is 16, and is "in love" for the first time with a serious girlfriend. She's also 16, this is her first boyfriend. They are good kids, get good grades, I couldn't be prouder. But several times when she has come over to visit we've said "keep the doors open" only to find them closed at some point. Her parents have the same rule when he goes to visit at her house. Neither one has a drivers license yet (tho my son will be getting his in a few months).

My wife and I are pretty liberal, and fully expect/hope he'll make good decisions and be responsible when the time comes for him to "grow up" so to speak.. but obviously he is wanting more from this relationship now, and is feeling very "controlled" and frustrated. I told him look, when the girl's parents say its OK then we'll talk, in the mean time quit trying to make out in our house.

Any suggestions/advice on how to proceed much appreciated.

thx.. BB

[Autocratic]

My parents always let me "close the doors" whenever I wanted. My sister had more stringent rules. The fact is, if they want to get it on, they have more options than your house. You're not containing their sexuality or protecting them, you're just overtly sheltering them, and I think you should let go a little. The kids just want to fool around, and they're old enough that they should be able to without parental interference. They're not doing drugs here...let 'em have fun.

Edit: Oh and make sure to give the talk while you explain your new policy. Make him feel like he controls his life just a little more than he does.

[jzpiano]

My parents always had an open door policy, but we usually hung out in the basement, and almost never in my room so that didn't matter too much. We had a don't ask, don't tell type thing going.....and still is going.... If they want to do it, well I hate to say it but you have little say in what they do, as much as that sucks for you.

I'm 21 now, but I was doing stuff starting at 15 with no license and was sneaking behind my parents back all the time, it made things considerably more difficult, but not impossible.

My suggestion is sit down and talk with him about his options and be open about everything. I know I would have felt better about everything had I been able to talk to my parents.

[Dementia]

Your son is 16, dating another 16 year old, and you're being a douche about not letting him make out with her? I can understand the uber parenting "NO SEX UNTIL YOU'RE 35 or will SWEAR to wear a condom" deal, but kissing?

You got a good kid, with good grades? Let him feel like a man then and don't break his balls when he wants to play touchey feely with his g/f, and if you're so worried, slip him a rubber.

[PLOlover]

I must've had a crummy childhood cause I felt so uncomfortable at home I wouldn't/didn't ever hang out at home with my girlfriends, unless parents were away.

[MYNAMEIZGREG]

I have to tell you, it made me really proud when I saw my dad approach this manner in such a cool way. I was in 10th grade I think and I was getting dropped off at Ithaca College for a one week program over the summer. I bunch of girls came over said hi etc and we were talking for a while, then before my dad left he asked if I wanted to go to the store and buy some condoms. I thought this was a really mature way to handle it because he is saying that he understands I am mature enough to make my own decisions, but also that he still cares about me and wants to guide me in a good direction, AFTER I have made a decision.

[Edge34]

BB,

I'm 22, but here's my take on things as a young person in the 21st century.

1) Doors open policy - clearly isn't working anyway since you say the doors end up closed, why worry too much about it? This, however, is much simpler for you than actually talking to your son about sex, or even telling him you understand what its like to be 16 (I assume you WERE 16 at one point) and be mature with the conversation.

2) "When her parents say its ok"...riiight. If your son is as smart as you say he is, you think he doesn't see that for the BS it is? How many girls did you know when you were 16 that would have had parents saying "sure, whatever"?

Who among us DIDN'T want to get laid when we were 16? If they're ready for it, they're going to find a way too get it done. You can either hide it from them and make them feel like they need to hide, or be open about it and hope that your influence will have them making positive, responsible decisions. Especially if they're just making out and taking a few awkward gropes at each other. They grow up, life moves on. If he at least knows how to use a condom (which he does, he's 16, kids know a lot these days) then he's probably not going to knock her up or get VD.

Just my $.02 like I said, from a young guy's point of view. I'm not saying you need to endorse them having sex, I mean it is your house and all, but if you want the boy to be a good young man, this is reality check time.

[ski]

I honestly don't understand why u wouldn't want him to do it with her.

Whats the harm, seriously. The worst you could possibly do is delay it 2 months. I know you're parents were probably conservative, but I really can't see a reason.

Just don't make it too obvious that you're letting them go at it because that will take away the thrill for them [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

FWIW I'm 22, my family was pretty conservative and my GF's wasn't in High school.

[PartyGirlUK]

I'd say you do best to talk with him about it openly, and give him contraception advice, rather than trying to suppress a natural, and healthy urge.

[orestto]

[ QUOTE ]
I'd say you do best to talk with him about it openly, and give him contraception advice, rather than trying to suppress a natural, and healthy urge.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed. Doors closed doesn't always mean they're having sex. I never like to talk to my girlfriend about something personal if I know someone can listen. I'm 21. We've never had sex in my house while my parents were home. There are other places. So yeah, don't be a jerk. (Not insulting you or anything)