:(

[PartyGirlUK]

For a long time I grinded it out, always playing with 1000bbs. Then I got jealous of ppl I thought I was better than making more money, so I tried to move up. Initially ran well, and was playing very well. Then had a bad run. Stepped down, regrouped, when on a nice run.

Had a very bad day today when I played higher than I should have. I mean I had 300bb, but the losses upset me emotionally. I didnt play at all well today. What annoys me is that there is lots of money out there to be made. I know if I play well and am disciplined I will start making big money, but now Ive had a taste of the higher action I am very impatient and tilty. Its annoying, I know that I have the potential to make enough money in the next few years to help me in the rest of my life. Id like my wife and kids to have th best in the life, and Id like to have enough money to allow me to pursue my dreams, whatever they are. I really really dont want to be grinding it out as, say, an accountant in 10 years time, working til I'm 60, where I have the opportunity right now to avoid that. Ive never wanted fancy clothes, or an expensive card, but Id like enough to make my life more comfortable, and Im getting frustrated that I am behind in my progress. Its stupid as I am probably only a couple of months behind where I want to be, but I need to stop tilting and start playing my A game. I know that it is all one big session, I know that if I play well and ignore results I will do well, and I like to think of myself as a smart and very rational person, so I dont know why I exhibit some degenerate tendencies.

Anyway my bankroll is definitely sufficieny for 30/60, and presumably I play well I should be able to have a very nice roll by the end of the year at the latest, but Im concerned with my recent behaviour and would like help/advice.

Dean

[PartyGirlUK]

Just dropped another bunch. Sigh. Maybe Ill take a break for a bit, the lost money really hurts. I'm really [censored] pissed off with myself, need to sort myself out, mind is in a bad place right now.

[CaseS87]

The best advice is probably to take an extended break, like 1 or 2 weeks and go on vacation somewhere. I did this after I had a 400bb downswing which basically involved me losing my mind, and it worked very well. You just gotta make a strong effort to clear your head.

[PartyGirlUK]

Ye, break seems good,. Thing is when I had my bad run a few weeks ago I moved down, played very well, ran good, moved up, then I moved up again too fast and ran bad, cos I lost patience.

I have a theory. Im super busy with sorting myself out for PhD applications, busy at work, life stuff to sort out etc. and I think I might have been forcing myself to play for the money, when really my heart wasnt in it, and this led to my bad performance? Is this possible?

Dean

[schlucky1]

It sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. It's tough to play your A-game when you are placing yourself under intense pressure to succeed. I tend to get in a similar state when I'm playing for a bonus or promotion and play more than I should. I'll tell myself that I need to play more, which puts pressure on myself, and then when I hit a bad run the frustration is compounded exponentially.

The pressure of trying to increase profits/move up stakes is probably moving away from your A-game just enough to cause problems. From the end of your OP, it sounds like you are very rational and know what you need to do. Take a little time to let yourself relax, then only play when you feel like your head is clear and your advantage is large.

[geormiet]

how much did you lose?

[PartyGirlUK]

[ QUOTE ]
how much did you lose?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think I dumped about $20k yesterday.

[PartyGirlUK]

Dropped another 6k or so. Got up 2k playing very very comfortably within my limits. Then lost due to bad luck and some marginally bad play. Then played some limit, ran very bad bla bla, jesus where has this degeneracy come from? I just cant seem to reallign my goals, to say that Im not gonna be making 1000/hr any time soon, that maybe I have the talent to do it, but not the psychological bankroll nor actually the monetary bankroll to do it right now. I've withdrawn 10k from neteller to my bank account. Have 5k in my stars account that I would withdraw but the 48 hours since my deposit hasnt passed yet. Another 5k pending from Full Tilt and 7K from UB. Gonna withdraw that too. Hopefully my bankroll will then be so depleted that I dont try anything dumb again. Gonna go waaaaaay back down to 10/20 or maybe even 5/10, or maybe just quit altogether or take a very extended break. Jesus.

[ipp147]

Dean,

A couple of things.

Firstly you seem like a smart guy and I find it odd that this happened as some of the advice you give people like Kurosh/HIV/Grim seems solid.

The biggest trap in poker for people that are one of the better players but not elite is the pressure/ego of wanting to win big. Especially in the age of datamining where it is easy for people to confirm/monitor other peoples progress.

I would offer two suggestions.

1. Move down, you said you are going to do this but I think it is very important for players to swallow some pride and do this.

2. Invest a little bit of your poker earnings and start up some sort of high yield portfolio or investment. I think it would help if you can see a physical pot of gold growing.

[chip_nich]

How old are you?

Did you go to Birmingham university? where you doing a phd at?