Trip Report: Going to a Mexican Restaurant in Australia

[WhoIam]

I'm an American currently staying in Newcastle, NSW with 2+2er Aujoz. While walking around town I had walked past a Mexican restaurant called Muchos Mexican. For those of you unfamiliar with Australia, their hispanic population is very limited, and by that I mean there are none at all. I think there's a law against it or something. Every time I walked by this restaurant, my first thought was always "wtf is a Mexican restaurant doing here" followed by "I have to go so I can laugh at it." Last night my dream became a reality. Oh, and I also went to the Mexican place.

The interior was like any other Mexican place: stuccoed southwestern walls, red, green, and yellow [censored] everywhere, tequila, etc. The most striking was the lack of hispanic employees. All of the waitresses were young Anglo Australian girls, and if they had any South American background, they hid it very, very well. While I didn't see the kitchen, there were obviously no hispanics working there for reasons that will become obvious in a minute.

We sat down and I ordered my version of the margarita, which I like to call the heterorita. It's 4oz tequila, 1/2 oz triple sec, and the juice from half to an entire lime. Blend with ice and serve in a salted glass, garnish with a slice of lime. Yum. Notice how there's no disgusting syrupy mix added. Despite the simplicity of this recipe, I almost always get a blank stare when I order this (seriously, how [censored] complicated is it to make a margarita and just not add some kind of mix to it?).

Our waitress then brought us some chips and "salsa" (from now on, assume that the names of all Mexican foods have "" around them). This salsa tasted like a combination of ketchup and marinara sauce. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if that was what it was; there was no texture or any other vegetables that I could tell. Aujoz wanted to try one of the dips so we ordered some kind of chile con carne or something. It was basically the above with cheese and some kind of meat product added.

On Mondays they have an inexpensive combo deal so I ordered a combo that included a chicken taco, chicken enchilada, and chicken quesadilla. Aujoz ordered about the same thing but with beef. Here's my review of each one individually.

Taco:
The shell was stale, which alone would have ruined it for me. The "chicken" was some kind of shredded animal product, possibly chicken, with the consistancy of tuna mixed with the salsa described above. This filled the bottom third of the taco. The middle third was lettuce. The top was cheese. This was the entire taco.

Enchilada:
The enchilada was deep-fried and not open on either end. On top was the same nasty salsa with a sprinkling of cheese. Inside was more of the "chicken."

Quesadilla:
The quesadilla was not a quesadilla. It was the same thing as the enchilada, but in a different shape. There may have been some cheese involved somewhere but I wasn't about to investigate. Funny side note: the waitress pronounced it with "qu" sound instead of the actual prononciation.

Obviously we didn't stay for dessert. The only other notable thing about the visit was the following exchange:

Waitress: How's the food?
Me: Inexpensive.


Cliff's Notes: It was like Taco Bell, only less authentic.

[neuroman]

Standard.

Do you plan on patronizing any more bad restaurants in the future so you can laugh at them later?

[lippy]

LOL, this is great.

Had I gone there, I would of begged them to let me go back and make some simple Pico de Gallo (tomatoes, onions, peppers, lemon/lime juice, salt). I can't get through a true Mexican meal without decent salsa/pico.

Well, of course, this didn't sound like true Mexican. Or anything close.

It would of been funnier if your tacos came with fries or something (which I have seen, seriously).

I'd like to add my fascination with going to restaurants that seem horridly out of place. I've been to a Chinese restaurant in Cancun, Mexican and Japanese in Alaska (aforementioned fry incident) and a few others. It is always rather comical and surprisingly bad. But, I keep being drawn to them. They're my cuisine kryptonite.

[deucegame]

1. Ask to be hired on as a consultant.
2. Change recipes to those you find online.
3. ???
4. Profit.

[edfurlong]

It always blows my mind that people can [censored] up generic tex-mex. I mean come on.

[BrunoThePug]

this mexican restaurant : mexico :: outback steakhouse : australia

Or something along those lines.

[HP]

I am fully qualified to comment on the thread, I've lived 10 years in Texas and 10 years in Australia

For the most part, you are right

But IMO there's still a few good Mexican restaurants around

btw if you thought the cheese was weird (not sure if you did or not), cheese is a little diff in australia overall

edit: oh, and Newcastle sucks, lol

[StevieG]

[ QUOTE ]

Waitress: How's the food?
Me: Inexpensive.


[/ QUOTE ]

Nice.

At least the Australians stayed on form and got the alcohol correct.

And Mexico is in North America, at least until we build the moat to go in front of the fence.

[adsman]

As an Aussie who eats occasionally, I feel qualified to respond to this thread. In Australia the term 'Mexican Restaurant' is given to any establishment that serves shithouse food. I have never met a Mexican in Australia. In fact, I think that based on what I have eaten in Mexican restaurants in Australia that Mexicans don't in fact exist. How could they, if they had to eat that rubbish all the time? I'd probably end up sticking a plastic bucket over my head and setting fire to it if my diet was primarily 'Mexican' based.

As a side note;

My 21st birthday was celebrated at a mexican restaurant. There were about 50 people at the table. I was in the middle and to my left were all the young people, to my right all the 'old' people, (people who were older than us). We sat down around 8pm and the 'food' didn't arrive until 10.30pm. So everyone was smashed by this stage. I was suffering from glandular fever. One of my fathers mates had organised me a 'fatogram', (for you young and innocent readers, this is an extremely fat woman who strips for you. It is unpleasant.)

At about 11pm the cake came out. This was an enormous mound of chocolate consisting entirely of profiterols. It looked like an elephant had [censored] on a plate. There was cream custard inside each hand-sized profiterol. Each of us received three of these on a plate. After about ten seconds, the same individual who had ordered the stripper took a profiterol and with great care and diligency, rubbed it into the generous breasts of his secretary. There was silence at the table. With calm, the secretary took one of her own profiterols and carefully rubbed it onto her bosses bald head.

Within seconds it turned into the biggest drunken food fight that I have ever seen. It was complete anarchy. My dad had to throw away his suit the next day. It lasted for a good 15 minutes. No attempt was made by the management of the mexican restaurant to stop us.

At the end my father went to pay the bill and meekly apologised for the complete destruction of the restaurant. In some places there was chocolate dripping from the ceiling. The waitress responded with;

'Oh, there's no problem. This usually happens quite a lot, though it hasn't happend for a couple of weeks. We were just worried about getting the bill paid.'

This mexican restaurant was located in one of the most expensive parts of town. This, my American friends, is what you need to expect from a mexican restaurant in Australia. So the next time you go, just start chucking the food around. You're sure to have a memorable evening.

[Metamorphatory]

Geography/Dining lesson for non Australians:

Looking for good Mexican food in Newcastle and would be equal to trying to find an authentic Afghani Restaurant in Casper Wyoming.

Ain't going to happen.