[censored] and Sublime's trip across the country

[[censored]]

My hopes of sitting next to one of the hot girls on my flight were quickly dashed when I saw an elderly woman who appeared to be in a somewhat zombie like state seated to my left.

then on my right we were joined by some dude whose was wearing glasses with no frames! I had never seen such a thing. They were just sitting there on his nose so naturally couldnt help myself from continually looking at them. I believe this may have bothered him some because he eventually turned his body away and never returned.

The flight seemed to take forever which was I fine I guess as I was able to read a book. It would have been nice to be able to talk to someone but between Grandma Zombie and Mr. Back to me I didn't have much of a choice.

The worst was yet to come though when Grandma Zombie let slip a silent but deadly. this wasn't any normal SBD as it has an extra tinge of disgusting attached to it most likely the result of her aged and rotting intentestinal system. As I sat there trapped I could start feel the smell creep its way into my mouth and I wondered if this was what a gas chamber is like.

If only that was the worst of it. As the plane started is decent Grandma Zombie awoke from her slumber.

GZ (looking at my book): Are you a student or a teacher?

Me (the [censored]?): oh I just enjoy reading

GZ: I could tell

Me: (manages fake smile)

GZ: Have you ever read the bible?

Me; ummm some when I was a kid

GZ: I read it everyday.

Grandma Zombie procedes to tell me how without Jesus I have nothing. I think about the lingering taste of her fart I have in my mouth.

Grandma Zombie tells me that with jesus I can have eternal life and hands some printout of various scripture while I wonder if I can speed death by eating it.

I never know what to say in these situations and I most of me doesn't want to be mean so I opt for just keeping my eyes focused straight ahead and stop responding to her. Eventually after offering my some miniture carrots she stops talking.


Sublime picked me up from the airport and all was well again.

We got on the road and Sublime asked if I minded if he played some music. Sure I said as long as its not some gay crap or country. He procedes to sing along to REM. I ask if there is room in the trunk.

Pennsylvania has lots of nice scenery filled with old rock houses, farm land and suprising to me many corn fields. Who knew?

We got the hotel which was almost a standard experience. Almost until we attempted to go the room #318 which of course would be on the third floor right? Wrong. The third floor has rooms numberered in the 400's. Sublime asks a maid what the deal is.

"what room are you looking for gentlemen?" she asks
"318" Sublime replies
"that's on the 2nd floor"
"of course" I say

Sublime is currently walking around to room with his ass crack prominently displayed.

Tomorrow Ohio

[Los Feliz Slim]

This is going to be a looooooooong trip, methinks.

Talking on elevators to strangers is unacceptable, airplaines should be under the same rule.

Buy you both a drink when you hit So Cal.

[By-Tor]

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] good stuff

You should have asked GZ if you could see her bible and then beat her over the head with it while yelling "where's your god now bitch!? huh!? where is he!?"

[sightless]

very pugnacious read

good job

[TimM]

Farts on a Plane [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

My last flight back from Vegas, I was seated in a row with not one but two hot girls. And some disgusting mother [censored] kept ripping SBDs over and over for the whole 5 hour flight. I made sure to visibly grimace and complain under my breath so the girls wouldn't think it was me. It really killed the mood.

At least I didn't get bible school at the same time though.

[whiskeytown]

let me know if you guys come thru MN

rb

[ThaSaltCracka]

this really does seem like an odd couple.

[wet work]

Have fun, driving cross country is awesome. I've done it probably 10 times over the years. I'm due for one now. We're thinking about doing a Maryland to Alaska with my 2 daughters this year.

[edfurlong]

No pictures? [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[IWEARGOGGLES]

Pennsylvania is pretty awesome. Check out Pittsburgh. Nicest people and some awesome sights.