Home Depot Parking Lot Fight- Trip Report

[Jihad]

For those of you that are new and don't know my history, I had a post a while back that was a story about taking revenge for an age old grudge, and a lot of people basically thought I was a retarded monkey. This is probably along the same lines, but it just happened today...

I went to Home Depot to pick up another gallon of Ralph Lauren 'Balmoral Red', and incredible color but insanely hard to put up correctly in a kitchen with many corners. When I get to the parking lot the Porn Star spot is open. In fact, the spot right next to it is as well. So I'm thinking that this is going to be a fantastic Labor Day. I toss the Honda in there and off I go.

The paint machine needs a new can of some color for tinting, so it takes about forever to get the dam gallon, but it finally comes out. In the meantime, of course, I've opened up my wallet and just started throwing money around all over the store (for those of you that don't own a home, this is insanely easy to do at the Depot). I end up with a lawnmower, weedwacker, edger, fertilizer, and black wallplates to match my kitchen...Jesus...

So half an hour later, I'm ready to go, through the self checkout I go, and out to my car. There's a dude in a tank top standing by my passenger door, talking to his wife. He looks upset for some reason, and he's pretty much just staring at my car. Hmmm.

Its important to understand that my car was in the best spot in relation to the entrance, but I was, of course, now coming out of the exit, so it was a bit of a walk. Also, my car is facing away from me, so the dude's back is to me. The hair on the back of my neck starts standing up, and I get a really wierd feeling that this guy is up to no good, so I start motoring over there.

As I approach I start to realize that he's upset about being parked too close to him. His girl is telling him to calm down, he's pointing at my car, and apparently having a really bad day. As I'm probably about 15 feet away, he opens his door, from the outside, hard. Directly into my passenger door. His wife's eyes meet mine, and she giggles (?) very uncomfortably, which causes him to look my way, and his look goes from upset, to 'uh-oh', and back to upset. I note that he's probably about 5'11" 200-210, but doesn't look particularly imposing, especially in a tank top.

The conversation, and end-result, happened pretty quick. Some of the thoughts running through my mind were very obvious. Is my door dammaged? If not, and I call the cops, the guy will probably get a warning at most. If yes, I'm calling the cops immediately. I'm a military officer, I can't be just beating people up. This is going to make a funny story. I hate The South. I hate this guy. I love Home Depot. What's going to happen to my lawnmower if I get arrested? I'm Jihad, I will not stand for this aggression.

-Me: "What the [censored] are you doing?"
-Him: "You need to learn how to park."
-Me: "I parked here before you."
-Him: "No you didn't."

This is about where I arrived face to face with him. I was looking down on him just a bit, but enough that he appeared slightly intimidated. I also noticed that my door was not damaged. I decided that I would resolve the issue and just go home without any further anger. Of course, that did not happen.

-Me: "That spot was open when I got here a half an hour ago, [censored]."
-Him: "That's not how I remember it."
-Me: "Well you likely think The South won the war, I'll take that with a grain of salt Redneck."
-Him: "Redneck?"
-Me: "Why the [censored] are you slamming your God Damn door into mine?"
-Him: "I didn't slam it, I just did this..."

Holy [censored], this is not happening. I'm thinking in slow motion, watching, knowing full well what he's going to do. Before I can finish thinking about it, he repeats his earlier infraction, and oh-my-[censored]-christ, slams his [censored] door into mine again. His girl says something angry to him. I think very quickly. I want to hit this man.

So I slapped him. Open handed, very hard, but open handed. The girl screams, he stumbles back. I knew it would hurt, possibly stun, from the numerous times I was slapped by giant men in Survival Training. But I got more than I bargained for, as he actually got down on a knee. He started moving his jaw around like he was chewing cud, and rubbing his ear, eyes watering (not from crying, if you've never been hit in the face, its an almost immediate reaction often). His girl asked him if he was alright, and he said his ear was ringing really loud. She said "good, you're an [censored]," and walked away. I have no idea where she went, but I actually laughed out loud.

The guy kept looking at me, I stood directly over him with my hands near my balls taking away his likely first recourse, trying to stay as calm as possible even though I was amped and anticipating retaliation. Also, I looked around for cops or anybody who was interested. Nobody seemed interested, so I got in my car, drove to the front of the store, picked up my lawnmower, and left.

Flame away,
Jihad

[ed8383]

I think this is fake and you just want attention.

[BEP]

[ QUOTE ]
I think this is fake and you just want attention.

[/ QUOTE ]

Careful, you might get bitch-slapped.

[RED FACE]

So nothing happened. Great. Next time post a story in which something actually happens.

Others,
Don't bother reading.

[youtalkfunny]

[ QUOTE ]
So nothing happened. Great. Next time post a story in which something actually happens.

Others,
Don't bother reading.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is why I always skip a tl;dr, and read the first few replies instead.

[Paul B.]

[ QUOTE ]

-Me: "Well you likely think The South won the war, I'll take that with a grain of salt Redneck."


[/ QUOTE ]

You're an idiot.

[Jihad]

[ QUOTE ]
So nothing happened. Great. Next time post a story in which something actually happens.

Others,
Don't bother reading.

[/ QUOTE ]I can't possibly imagine how you can say nothing happened.

[KlumsySmurf]

From the title I was expecting a full out brawl, overflowing with buttkicking and blood. Instead some man slaps another man across the face, the gloves are off I tell you!

[Jihad]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

-Me: "Well you likely think The South won the war, I'll take that with a grain of salt Redneck."


[/ QUOTE ]

You're an idiot.

[/ QUOTE ]Correct. Also, jaded.

[Kneel B4 Zod]

why did you slap him, and not punch him?