A strange experience from yesterday

[cognito20]

I don't know that, and don't expect that, this post will have any importance to anyone on these boards besides myself, but I wanted to post it anyway.

My grandfather died on Thursday morning, 4 days after his 90th birthday, peacefully in his sleep after a long and frankly horrible battle with Alzheimer's and dementia. I've been in Buffalo for the past few days for the wake and the funeral. My Poppop and I were very close, and these frankly have been 3 of the worst days of my entire life. I'm happy he's in a better place now. I believe that wherever he is now, his handicaps are gone, he's reunited with his mother and dad and sister, who he loved deeply, and he's not sick anymore, but I already miss him terribly.

My wife Becky and I were driving home after the family get-together after Poppop's funeral, and of course there were a lot of tears as we were driving towards home. I told Becky that I always thought that Poppop was disappointed in me, because of various stupid things I did when I was in my late teens/early twenties. I also don't think he completely approved of my choice of career (professional online poker player, naturally), but never actually said as much to me and offered at least tacit encouragement to me until the mental deterioration began to set in. There were other choices I've made in my life when I was younger, most having to do with illicit substance ingestion, that I tried to hide from him but am not sure of the success of my deceit. It's easy to slowplay a flopped boat or move fish off of their marginal hands with aggressive play, but it's a lot harder to fool people like my grandfather about the things that -really- matter. Anyway, Becky said that he was proud of me, and not disappointed, and that he loved me dearly and even after much of his mind had gone by the time she knew him, she could tell that by seeing him look at me. AT THAT MOMENT, the XM Roady satellite radio we have in the car, and were listening to the 1970s channel on during the drive, had its antenna go dead. For no reason. We were on Route 63 south of Batavia, New York, driving through a completely open field, with nothing to possibly interfere with the satellite antenna reception. It took me about 10 seconds to fiddle with the antenna and get reception again. By then the song and the pad data had changed. It was "Seasons In The Sun", which of course is a song about death, by Terry Jacks.

My grandfather's name was Jack Terry.

I play poker for (part of) my living, and I have a background in mathematics although my majors were in German and Russian in college. I deal frequently with mathematical constructs such as game theory, statistical analysis, and probability. I am fully aware that it MAY have been merely a weird coincidence that that particular song (out of a library of, say, 2.5 million songs that XM has in their computers according to their promos), performed by a man with my grandfather's name in reverse, happened to come up on the radio right at that precise moment of time. I choose to believe differently. I think it was Poppop, trying to tell me that he loved me and that he wasn't disappointed in me. I think he was there with me, heard what I said, and tried to let me know that he was OK and not to worry about him, that he had had a long and fruitful life and that he was in heaven.

For the last 2 years or so of his life, Poppop really couldn't get around all that well. His favorite thing to do was to sit in his easy chair and listen to CDs of music from the 1930s and 1940s that he grew up with. Becky and I would bring some up to him whenever we visited. He especially liked my Ellington album collection and collections of WW2 music. He also loved Ted Lewis; according to my grandmother he never thought much of him as a musician but thought he was a great entertainer. Well, after this happened and we were sure that he was there with us in the car, in spirit, we figured we'd do something he'd enjoy to make the ride better for him and let him know we got his message. We switched the XM station off of the 70s for the first time since we started out, and over to channel 4, the 1940s pop channel, and the 3 of us listened to Duke Ellington, the Andrews Sisters, the Ink Spots, Bing Crosby, and the Louis Armstrong All-Stars one last time together for the rest of the trip. I guess it was our way of saying goodbye to Poppop and to thank him for his life and his influence on our lives. It brought some much needed smiles to our faces during a very unpleasant time of our lives.

I don't know particularly why I felt the need to post this...I've been busy for the last few hours getting cold-decked and outdrawn by fish pushing rough queens in Razz in the Stars HORSE games for the last 5 hours and decided to take a break and come on over and check out the 2+2 boards. Maybe it's because, for all the contentiousness and nittiness that can sometimes manifest itself in this forum, it -is- an important part of my life, someplace I visit for at least a little bit every day I can, and somewhere I feel comfortable making this sort of post. Maybe it's therapy. Maybe it's part of the grieving process. Maybe it's an admittedly indirect way of paying tribute to my grandfather. I don't know, and I don't really feel like over-analyzing it. If you got this far, thank you for reading.

--Scott (and Rebecca) Blish

[trapsetter]

Dude, I am sorry about your Grandfather (I lost mine recently too, so I can relate), but this probably belongs in the psychology forum.

[Runkmud]

Sorry to hear about your grandfather, sounds like he was a good man. Wacky stuff about the radio, whether it's pure coincidence or him contacting you from the other side, I wouldn't worry about him being disappointed in you, sounds like you were a good grandson.

[emon87]

WAY tl;dr

[Alobar]

Im just posting to show my support. I read your whole post.

[Borodog]

Good post. Sorry about your grandfather.

By the way, my grandfather went by the name "Ted" for his entire adult life, nicknamed by his friends after Ted Lewis (my grandfather hated his given name with a passion, but he was an amazing musician).

[samsdmf]

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Dude, I am sorry about your Grandfather (I lost mine recently too, so I can relate), but this probably belongs in the psychology forum.

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There is a time and a place to pick holes in what forum things should be post on, this isnt it.
Im very sorry about your grandfather: I would like to reiterate what Runkmund said

[boscoboy]

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WAY tl;dr

[/ QUOTE ]

your loss - maybe stay out of the guys post if you have nothing to add?

[emon87]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
WAY tl;dr

[/ QUOTE ]

your loss - maybe stay out of the guys post if you have nothing to add?

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Why do people get such a feeling of ownership of posts? He doesn't own the right to decide what people reply.

[emon87]

Alright, I read it, and it was a good post, sorry about your grandfather.