Walking at night

[spaceman Bryce]

At around 1 o'clock at night, I always walk around my hometown of overland park. I have trouble sleeping and my thoughts build up over the course of the day. In the mourning I am rather dull. MY mind gets more alert at night.The later it is, the better I feel, assuming drugs are not involved. Usually by midnight, unlinked streams of conciousness are everywhere and I just want to stop thinking. So I am forced to go out on a walk, or to get drunk, or to cut myself/destroy things. My mom hates when I do this, and yells at me and threatens me, occasionally throwing stuff at me whenever i decide to go out. My mom thinks its wierd and im sure she suspects other things that I might be doing at 2 am.
I walk far distances.Occasionally I walk so far that I cannot go back. I have to call my mom and it sucks. The farthest I think i've walked is about 40 miles. My legs had chafed so bad that they were bleeding after about 25 miles and the blodd stuck to my boxers and the pain was terrible, not that I hated it. This happened the same day I was supposed to be baptized. I often hate the church and will never be baptized. Occasionally I use god as a crutch though. Like all people, I enjoy fantasizing that I am some good rebel fighting against a stronger force.
I too find it wierd.Especially since no one else in overland park walks at night without reason. The only people I see are late night consruction workers, stoners who drive cars and honk at me( My body tenses up whenever i'm close to a car), people leaving bars, and the occasional phone yeller. The phone yeller stands outside their apartment for privacy and yells. the are very pissed off. I one time saw a guy who was walking for no reason but never again.Im the only one who does this at one. I dream that one day some chick will be walking at 2 am like me and when I ask her why, she will say that she just wants to think. She will have black hair and be extremely wierd- I dislike blondes.
Normally I sleep in my boxers so i usually walk in shorts and a crappy T-shirt that I throw on. I think of my walking as a drug. Something that's wierd and bad for me. Its not in anyway for excersize and occasionally I come to very wierd thoughts at night which lead me in the middle of roads contemplating my lack of ability to kill myself. I really wish i had it in me, but i am too much of a pussy.

But lately I come to accept that its part of who I am. walking at one is like my meditastive action, like archery for dave spritz in the weatherman. SO i dont throw on shorts. I dress up in many creative fashions and act like the night is my runway now. I love the coldness and the bright moon, and the fact that you can hear cans rolling half a mile away. I feel good about it.

[GooseHinson]

Seems like you we would all be better off if you took your "middle of road" walks during rush hour rather than at 2am.

[Fast Food Knight]

Bryce,
Next time it is late and you have these thoughts tormenting you, please post some of them here before you walk. I'd genuinely like to hear them.

Also- I'm pretty sure I've seen you post about taking medication. What do you take?

[spaceman Bryce]

[ QUOTE ]
Seems like you we would all be better off if you took your "middle of road" walks during rush hour rather than at 2am.

[/ QUOTE ]
Mostly I walk on the sidewalks, although near my house there are lots of sprinkler systems on around that time, so I usually avoid them. Sometimes I feel like getting wet, and I walk through them. Sometimes its raining anyway, and sometimes cars splash water on me from puddles.

[spaceman Bryce]

[ QUOTE ]
Bryce,
Next time it is late and you have these thoughts tormenting you, please post some of them here before you walk. I'd genuinely like to hear them.

Also- I'm pretty sure I've seen you post about taking medication. What do you take?

[/ QUOTE ]

1.) I have been downgraded to softer things. I take zoloft and concerta currently.
2.) I cant post at night because Im not allowed to use my computer at home. I live with my parents and they are very strict about things.... Im going to move out by the end of the year though.

[Chump Change]

Jesus H, guy... I was about to make a sympathetic and empathetic post with some sound advice but i'm not sure if this post is for real. I apologize but, verification?

edit: I mean, just tell me it's real, not verification as in evidence or anything.

[tinin]

You might think that if you're unfamiliar with Bryce. I personally dont care if it's real or not, this post was [censored] fantastic.

[Klompy]

[ QUOTE ]
Jesus H, guy... I was about to make a sympathetic and empathetic post with some sound advice but i'm not sure if this post is for real. I apologize but, verification?

edit: I mean, just tell me it's real, not verification as in evidence or anything.

[/ QUOTE ]

Although there's no way of knowing for sure I'm pretty sure spaceman is for real, at first I had a negative reaction, but I've grown to enjoy his posts a lot, he speaks what's on his mind and I like that.

spaceman, always nice to read something from your mind, please keap them coming. I also love going on walks at night, for some reason at night, outside, everything just makes sense.

[Sigurd]

Go for a run or some other kind of exercise during the day. This should make your sleeping troubles disappear, and you won't be walking around at night any more (this could be a potentially dangerous habit).

[CIncyHR]

Spaceman,

I often have similar problems with thoughts clogging my mind and being unable to sleep. I find that online poker, driving really fast with loud music, and shooting hundreds of shots on the basketball hoop in my driveway help a lot.

ps, you are awesome.