Chicks dig squalor

[bisonbison]

My brother got married last Saturday and I hit it off with this chinese swedish chick who I'll be seeing more of this weekend when she gets back from LA before she goes to back to sweden. brag post whatever.

So I'm discussing these developments with my subteam at the office, and one of Gmail's young ladies is unaware of the best practices prep that goes into showing a date where (and therefore how) you live.

Some of it is simple stuff, the same cleaning you'd do if your grandmother came over: no dishes in the sink, clean towels in the bathroom, no clothes on the bedroom floor, blanket-comforter-or-duvet on top of sheets on a made bed...

But some of it's a bit more esoteric, and I thought it might be good to share the tips and tricks that keep a girl from fearing for her life when she walks into your place.

Put pretty things on the walls
Plants, pictures, photos, and posters are all good ideas, though you should start fazing posters out aggressively once you're a year or two out of college, unless you're paying to get them backed or framed. Cultural chotkes are also charming.

Plants should be alive. Name plants at your own risk, it may seem cute or brand you as way too metro.

Pictures? Avoid fantasy, sci-fi, anime and video game themes. Please. For the love of God.

The best photos communicate three things: you are happy, you are popular, and you leave the house. The ideal photo is of you laughing with 3 guy friends and 1 girl while rescuing baby kittens at an undisclosed sunny location. Avoid photos of you alone with women unless they're clearly family.

Have 3 or more beverages to offer
Water, alcohol, non-alcohol. Have ice. Only refrigerate a few drinks at a time. You don't want her to realize that at certain points of the week, you require 4 liters of chilled Dr. Pepper at a moment's notice.



So please share your tips for appearing to be a healthy, sane and social individual.

[Buffalo Davis]

Minimize your porn videos.

[RunDownHouse]

Sort of a twofer: After you shower, pull the shower cutain all the way across the tub, as you would when actually showering. For guests, this presents a neater picture. For you, it dries out evenly. If you leave it bunched up, there are wrinkles that retain moisture and quickly grow mold/mildew.

[samjjones]

Make sure your parents are out of the house before she arrives.

[Tron]

[ QUOTE ]
Sort of a twofer: After you shower, pull the shower cutain all the way across the tub, as you would when actually showering. For guests, this presents a neater picture. For you, it dries out evenly. If you leave it bunched up, there are wrinkles that retain moisture and quickly grow mold/mildew.

[/ QUOTE ]

Also: Get a faux-suede shower curtain.

[meccaNES]

Spread intelligent reading material around the house. To show that you have an interest in a wide variety of subjects and can entertain thoughts of many different things. (examples; chess magazines, time, people, popular mechanics etc...)

Also, the back button on the remote. I think i saw this one on a dilbert episode. I don't really watch much TV but if she hits the back button and it's on some straight porn, your image is shot to hell. So put it on the history (actually a favorite of mine) or discovery channels or something to show you're interested in current world events like the news or whatever (screw the world it's just for the tang).

That's about all i can think of.

Or if you have a pet that is healthy and happy. Chicks dig that cause it shows you're responsible enough to care for another life.

GL in impressing some random swedinese chick.

[EPIC]

[ QUOTE ]
Minimize your porn videos.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have some good success not doing this though. With the right girl it sets intentions right away.

Make sure there is food/snacks available. A - She may get hungry etc and 2 - Make sure there food that shows you have some knowledge of cooking, not just a couple condiments in the fridge.

Hide drug paraphanalia unless you are sure she digs it.

Know what she drinks alcohol wise and have it available, nothing worse than having a girl who wants to drink (loosen up) and not having it available.

Toilet paper - preferdably on the dispenser

Make sure as BB said that the house looks like a home, not like a college dorm room. Even if it is a college dorm room.

[Kneel B4 Zod]

make sure you don't have "Lesbian Vampire Car Wash" on your Tivo

ditto for porn links under favorites in your world wide web browser

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]

Plants, pictures, photos, and posters are all good ideas, though you should start fazing posters out aggressively once you're a year or two out of college, unless you're paying to get them backed or framed. Cultural chotkes are also charming.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you're looking for phasing here.

I've been begirlfriended long enough to have not really picked up most of these tricks. That said, were I to suggest something, cooking something nice smelling earlier in the day and giving your kitchen pleasant aromas seems like a good way to go, if feasible.

[ScottieK]

1. Have a mom who owned a furniture store and is an interior decorator decorate your house. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

2. Agree about keeping the place neat. My habit is to leave coffee cups, shoes, mail, and laundry pretty much wherever. Gotta pick that stuff up. If you can afford to and you're a lazy [censored] like me, hire a cleaning service. I do mine once a month, costs around $80.

3. Plants are nice. If you can't keep plants alive (as I can't) then fake plants can do the trick.

4. IME women are especially particular about how clean the bathroom and the kitchen are. Suggest having soap and towels in both. Don't leave toothpaste and/or hair all over the sink.

5. Food in the fridge is nice.

Will try to think of more later.

ScottieK