Letter to my parents (LONG)

[bruin]

I'm probably gonna get flamed for this, but whatever. I'm 18 years old and going to start college this fall, btw.
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My parents seriously think that I am a degenerate who is "out of control" as my mom put it. I've tried and tried to explain poker to them in the past and they know that I'm a winning player or whatever, but despite this fact they think I'm obsessed and that I have no bearing of the real world (this couldn't be further from the truth). I get in about 25 hours of poker a week during the summer, which really isn't that much.

Here's the letter (I'm pretty damn proud of this, actually)
Feel free to use this as a letter to your parents if you're in a similar situation, changing what you need to change to make it suitable for your situation.
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Dear Mom and Dad,

I decided to write you this letter in hopes of explaining my feelings about poker, seeing as trying to explain in person obviously won’t work. I hope you appreciate my attempt to clear up this issue with as least conflict and noise as possible. Here goes.

My life kicks ass right now. It kicks ass because of two main things: the fact that I can drive, and poker. Obviously, I’m here to talk about the latter.

First off, we need to establish that there is not ONE THING in this world that I can do to make more money per hour at this point in my life… and probably at least for the next few years of my life. If I am able to study and turn myself into a great player, it wouldn’t be out of the question for me to make 100 or even 200 dollars an hour. I’ve always been an ambitious person when I set my mind to something, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m making this kind of money within the next year. But that’s a whole other issue, and it’s dumb for me to count my eggs before they hatch.

But like I said, I can not make this kind of money anywhere else. Let’s not forget the fact that I’m basically playing a game while getting paid. Instead of watching television for hours a day like MOST kids my age, I play a mentally challenging and rigorous game for a few hours a day, doing something productive while saving money for my future. I mean, what else do you expect me to do? Save the world, adopt children? If I wasn’t playing poker, I would be sitting on my ass doing something unproductive. You want me to work or get an internship in future years, that’s perfectly fine. I understand that these things are necessary for resume building and future contacts. I know how things work. I’d be fine with working 20 hours a week during the summer somewhere. I’d still be able to get plenty of time for poker in at the same time so it’s not an issue. Something like 40 hours really pushes it. How am I supposed to save money for my car if I’m working at some 8 dollar an hour job? I hope you realize that most kids in my situation have mommy and daddy BUY their car. These kids aren’t rich, nor are we. But we have money and are relatively well off. I’m not saying you should buy me a car, because you shouldn’t, and these kids’ parents shouldn’t either. But how the hell am I supposed to buy my car making 8 dollars an hour? Poker is my solution to this problem.

Let me basically summarize what poker is and what it has done for me: IF YOU READ ANY PART OF THIS LETTER, PLEASE READ THESE FIVE STATEMENTS

1) Poker is a mentally challenging game which incorporates aspects of game theory, statistics, general arithmetic, probability and general gambling theory.

2) Poker has taught me money management skills (bankroll discipline), strengthened my psychological fortitude, improved my personal discipline and helped my logic and critical thinking skills.

3) Poker has taught me how to manage my time. I’ve been playing poker online for much of the past year yet my grades didn’t falter one bit. Yes, you can call me a lazy ass and say that I spend all my time playing poker, but this simply isn’t true. I just don’t do useless and unproductive things such as watching television (something that 90% of kids my age waste time doing).

4) Poker has given me the ability to bolster my social life and to experience things I wouldn’t/won’t be able to without it. I wouldn’t have gone to the UCLA games in Oakland without poker; those two games are something I will NEVER forget for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t have bought my skim board without poker. Money lets me relax and have a good time with my friends.

5) Just like anything else, poker takes hard work. There’s no magic formula. Yes, you must be relatively intelligent (even this could be disputed), but it’s like a lot of other things in life. You must have the talent and the drive. I think that I have both; now it’s just time for me to put in the hours and get results.

To conclude, poker has improved and hopefully will continue to improve my life exponentially. As you may have noticed, with poker, my social life has not gotten worse, but rather it has improved drastically. Even a few people I know have marveled at how I juggle school and poker while maintaining a VERY healthy social life and told me how they respect and admire me for what I do. True, I am no socialite, but I’m much better than how I used to be.

I am not obsessed with the game (I probably was at one point when I first started playing), nor do I want to make it my vocation. It’s just a serious hobby that improves my life in every facet. Chess can be a much more addictive and obsessive game because of the dynamics of the game itself, yet for some reason poker has a much worse image (media, etc).

I do not think poker is morally wrong. The people I’m playing against are trying to take my money just as bad as I’m trying to take theirs…Like the old mantra says: “you play with matches and you get burnt.“ I also plan on donating a small portion of my winnings, to remind myself of the outside world and how I can contribute to it for the time being. Of course, I will pay taxes with money from poker, too.

After reading this, if you still consider my situation to be “out of control” as mom put it, then I just give up. There’s no point in trying to convince you any further if you guys still don’t understand at this point.

Have a nice day,

Jack

[snowbank]

Hey Jack,

I read your whole post/letter. Two things I would mention... First is, a lot of the letter 'I want to do this because of this for me, I want to do this because I can get this, etc..." Nothing wrong with that at all, as all the points in there are valid, but with this letter your intention is to "sell" your parents so to speak. One thing I would suggest including in the letter is qualities that you have that make you a successful poker player that your parents have instilled in you. Also, things you're parents have done to lead you down a good path. Instead of saying that you can buy a skimboard and things like that, include in the letter the value of today's dollar-vs.- the value of a dollar a few years from now. Include investment plans(if you have some), and include your parents guidance in the letter as being a good influence on you wanting to get ahead for these types of reasons. This will creative a much stronger sales pitch when the people you are "selling" to; in this case your parents, almost feel like part of the deal now, so to speak.
2. Maybe take time to show why you can win.... explain the game(hard to do to people who don't play seriously), but explaining odds, statistics, etc. can make them see it's not about luck. Maybe show them PT stats if you have some.

Hope this makes sense, as it's almost 6 am here and I haven't been to bed.

Good letter though. Hope I helped some maybe.

[crunchy1]

Jack,

IMO, there are so many issues with this letter I'm not even going to pick it apart. I really hope that you haven't delivered this to your parents yet!

The one thing that I will comment on is this: If you are to the point in your relationship with your parents that you need to give them a letter - the problem between you and them likely has little to do with your poker playing.

Think about that.

[daveymck]

Dear Mom and Dad,

I decided to write you this letter in hopes of explaining my feelings about poker, seeing as trying to explain in person obviously isnt working. I hope you appreciate my attempt to clear up this issue with as least conflict and noise as possible.

I am not obsessed with the game , nor do I want to make it my vocation. It’s just a serious hobby that improves my life in every facet. Currently I am playing 25 hours a week the equivilant to any other part time job I could be doing in the Summer.

At this point I plan to follow through with all my studies and will even consider relevant internships as I go through college. I understand at this point that getting good experience at times should take priority over just pure short term money making.

Let me basically summarize what poker is and what it has done for me: IF YOU READ ANY PART OF THIS LETTER, PLEASE READ THESE FIVE STATEMENTS

1) Poker is a mentally challenging game which incorporates aspects of game theory, statistics, general arithmetic, probability and general gambling theory.

2) Poker has taught me money management skills (bankroll discipline), strengthened my psychological fortitude, improved my personal discipline and helped my logic and critical thinking skills.

3) Poker has taught me how to manage my time. I’ve been playing poker online for much of the past year yet my grades didn’t falter one bit.

4) Poker has given me the ability to bolster my social life and to experience things I wouldn’t/won’t be able to without it. I wouldn’t have gone to the UCLA games in Oakland without poker; those two games are something I will NEVER forget for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t have bought my skim board without poker.

5) Just like anything else, poker takes hard work. There’s no magic formula. To improve I have had to study hard, reading books, discussing hands and strategy with others. You need some talent which I beleive I have, but also drive and dicipline to succeed, these are life skills I can employ in other areas too.

To conclude, poker has improved and hopefully will continue to improve my life exponentially. As you may have noticed, with poker, my social life has not gotten worse, but rather it has improved drastically. Even a few people I know have marveled at how I juggle school and poker while maintaining a VERY healthy social life and told me how they respect and admire me for what I do. True, I am no socialite, but I’m much better than how I used to be.

Poker will be part of my life in the foreseeable future, hopefully financially it will help me through college. I understand the worries you have but I can assure you that playing poker will not get in the way of any other important areas of my life.

After reading this, if you still consider my situation to be “out of control” as mom put it then I am unsure what further I can do to prove my points. I am happy to answer any questions you have, but hope by this letter you understand I am approaching poker in a controlled mature rational way and keeping my life in balance.

Have a nice day,

Jack

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I started making suggestions, but they were getting too complex so I did an edit.

Your letter initially I think would scare them in some ways and comes across to me as a bit aggressive and confrontational, if it were my stepson giving me that letter I would have probably been a touch angry at the tone and nature of some of it.

You need to address their fears more, by para 3 I would almost think omg he is planning on packing in school, when obviously it isnt the case.

[young Nut]

quick question....you are 18, why should you care what your parents think about poker? Do you not consider yourself a responsible adult? Do THEY not think of you as a responsible adult?

[daveymck]

[ QUOTE ]
Jack,

IMO, there are so many issues with this letter I'm not even going to pick it apart. I really hope that you haven't delivered this to your parents yet!

The one thing that I will comment on is this: If you are to the point in your relationship with your parents that you need to give them a letter - the problem between you and them likely has little to do with your poker playing.

Think about that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Having to write a letter I dont think is a bad way to communicate sometimes, my gf will on occassion write a note to me, she finds it easier sometimes to express herself in writing, remember everythig she wants to say and have full one way communication.

Sometimes face to face communication isnt effective, ok and sometimes shows there may be problems but there is nothing wrong with trying other ways, if face to face isnt working.

My stepson is going through the terrible teens at the moment and communication is a huge issue and cause of conflict. My GF and I are having to totally reasses how we talk to him and know at this point the relationship particulary with his mam is very strained, at times a letter may well be the better solution to stop the face to face conflict.

[stinkypete]

[ QUOTE ]
IF YOU READ ANY PART OF THIS LETTER, PLEASE READ THESE FIVE STATEMENTS

[/ QUOTE ]

lol. you have serious problems if you cant get your parents to read a 1-2 page letter you've wrirten specifically to them.

[capone0]

1 thing you gotta remember Bruin is to get a real job in the world someday your going to need experience. Right now is a time you can get some very easy experience. Yes, the jobs might be crappy, yes the jobs might not pay well but your obviously not going to put down professional gambler on your resume. Your resume is going to look like a black hole during this time.

Why don't you get a part time crappy job, play poker and you'll still have time for friends.

[NSchandler]

You should not give this letter to your parents.

It is very confrontational, does not address any of the points that your parents are concerned about, and (no offense) it's clearly written by a child.

You said yourself that your parents understand you're a winning player. Their problem with you playing poker is not that you're a losing player. Their problem is that your priorities are messed up. So your response is to reiterate that you make money (they don't care) and then prove to them that they're right about you getting your priorities mixed up by stating that you won't work more than 20 hours a week because any more would cut into poker time.

To be honest, this letter will do more harm than good. You're still trying to hammer home the same point - that you make money - instead of looking at it through your parents' eyes. This is because you're probably not mature enough to understand their perspective, and this only proves their point.

If you really want to convince your parents that you're taking this seriously, then try to work with your mom rather than preaching to her why she's wrong.

Just my 2 cents, hope it doesn't come off as too harsh.

[Sponger.]

NSchandlerisright