story where i have sex at the end

[Gus Spangles]

"papi i want you to [censored] me."
"you know i would love to [censored] you baby."
"ok baby, i am going to take a quick shower and shave. will be like 15 minutes."

rewind about 6 hours to when i had never met or spoke to this girl before in my life:

at the time i was a member of a local community website for my city. kind of like a miniature localized myspace. everyone has a profile, most have pictures, etc etc. standard web 2.0 networking site.

the site is riddled with single mothers, fat girls, thugs, white trash, 40 year old women looking to be gang-banged by black men while her husband watches, and other general skanks of society.

there are some relatively normal people as well. and some cute women.

so one day i am browsing and notice one such cute girl. she is 20, latin, brown hair and eyes, and looks to rate about a 8.6/10.

so i message her with some standard lame hello and compliment, and she gets back to me with the same. we exchange email addresses and are shortly talking on MSN messenger.

now, this would not be the first time i have hooked up with a girl via the internets, so it wasn't entirely new and i had at least a little bit of an idea what i was doing.

so we talk, exchange more pictures, flirt a bit. she says we should hang out. works for me. so after making her take more pictures to ensure she is not a 50 year old man planning to tie me up in the basement, or one of my friends punking me hard, i say what the hell and agree. we didn't really talk about F-ing, but she did say i would owe her a kiss for some reason or another.

so after dinner with the family i head out to her place around 11pm. she lives in a pretty nice one bedroom apartment by herself in a nice part of town.

i am pretty nervous the whole time i am driving out there both because i know how awkward this could potentially be, and because of anxiety in general around pretty girls i don't know. standard fear of not coming off well.

when she opens the door i am pretty blown away. she is shorter than i had expected for some reason, about 5'3. long dark brown hair, and her body is amazing. she is wearing white tight cotton workout pants and belly shirt. she is very shakira-esque sans the blonde. upgraded to a 8.8/10.

so we are hanging out on her couch after a big hug and i am trying to do my best to be as casual and charming as possible. we talk for about 15 minutes and conversation flows easily, mostly because we don't know anything about each other so the topics are basic.

i can tell we don't really have too much in common, so i resort to my standard protocol of letting her talk a lot about herself with me interjecting with jokes to make her laugh. i do the whole mock-making fun of her thing and she is soon slapping my arms and legs and laughing and we are having a good time.

we put in some crappy movie of hers after about a half hour and we are kind of doing the hand-holding, running each others arms/legs type deal. not sure how we transitioned but we are soon cuddled up on the couch. i begin to kiss her bare shoulder and when this is received well i move to her neck and lips.

now we are pretty much making out and telling each other how cute the other is and all is right in the world. she has amazing lips and keeps biting and sucking on mine, which is nice.

after a while the romantic playful making out turns into full on body grinding action. kissing her stomach. she kissing mine. grabbing her ass. she grabbing my wang. her grinding on my lap, etc etc.

the whole time we are both kind of mentioning how weird and crazy this is because we completely don't know each other.

and the whole time my stomach and ass is killing me. the nerves at first may have prompted it on the ride out there, and now i am in full blown i need to fart/diarrhea whatever the hell to alleviate this. but i am an expert at keeping my body in check, so i manage.

after we realize the couch is restricting how wild we are wanting to get, she says we should go into her bedroom. we do, and strip down to just me in my boxers and her in panties. she then goes and puts on some hot lavender lingerie thing, but that is pointless because it is off within 10 minutes of making out some more.

she performs oral after kissing down my chest. the whole time half of my brain is thinking how amazingly badass this all is, and the other half is focused solely on how bad my stomach/ass feels.

i don't get off from the oral because it is interrupted. not by my ass failing me, but by the conversation at the beginning of this post.

she hadn't planned on us doing anything like this, and thus wanted to make herself cleanly shaven before i went down on her or we had sex. fine by me.

we had had a couple beers (cervezas!), and i had pounded a few on the drive out to her place to calm my nerves, so i was slightly drunk at this point.

my stomach and ass couldn't take it any more. there is no [censored] way i was going to be able to have sex with this girl without relieving this discomfort, or else it could get bad.

sadly she did not have two bathrooms. and i really didn't think it would be a good idea to use it after her and be in there for who knows how long and stink it up.

in retrospect, the play of the day would have been to yell to her that i was going to drive to the gas station to pick up some more condoms and just handle my business either there or at a fast food bathroom.

but with a head full of beer, a rectum full of liquid poo, i panicked. i decided to be like a bear, and [censored] in the woods.

so i grab two huge handfuls of napkins from her kitchen. one handful i run water over in the sink to make them damp, and keep the other half dry. i run down her steps and out the door.

sadly this is not the most wooded of areas. it isn't super late either. maybe around 1am. and the apartment complex has done a fine job on their lighting. but i am about to blow.

i spy a fenced off dumpster area and decide this has to be it, because i am about to blow. i dash over to it, napkins in hand and enter the partially fenced in area. i am freaking out nervous someone will spot me, so i wriggle all the way behind the dumpster to the back part of the fence.

i drop the jeans and immediately get worried about splatter. so i remove the jeans and set them way over to the side. the position i assumed was bizarre. i put my legs way in front of me, put my arms behind me against the fence, and bent down my ass so it looked like i was on an invisible toilet with my feet as far away as possible.

and let go.

and it was awful. hot, putrid liquid with random chunks interspersed.

i almost vomited instantly. the smell and sound was overpowering. i felt like my mind was removed from my body, floating above, looking down at me as i crapped on the ground, shaking my head. the mess was considerable.

after what felt like eternity, i waddled a few feet away from the mess, and used the napkins and cleaned myself up; praising myself for grabbing so many of them and the foresight to moisten half of them. after i felt i was sufficiently clean, i used the remaining napkins to wipe all of the sweat from my face, and got dressed.

i hurried back to her apartment where i would wash my hands again and again in her sink and repeatedly check my body and shoes for any type of residue.

when she got out of the shower i told her i had to use the bathroom and took a minute or two to verify yet again that everything was perfectly clean.

we then proceeded to have pretty amazing sex all night long. we drank more after the first session. for the second we decided it would be a wise idea to not use a condom. great idea gus! she showed me her birth control from her purse when i jokingly accused her of trying to get me to knock her up.

the sex was even better the second time around. the first time after she had gotten off, we took off the condom and i finished in her mouth after a tiny bit of oral.

the second time though, is another story. with her on her hands and knees and me behind her (my favorite finishing position), she started saying/begging me to cum inside her. this was very hot, and seemed like an excellent idea at the time.

so i did. and it was awesome. 10 seconds later it was clearly the worst idea of all time.

then we slept. in the morning we sexed again sans-condom, finishing again in her mouth.

we then had lunch and soon i had to leave to go out on my friend's boat for the weekend.

it was awkward when i was leaving, and we said we would talk soon and get together.

we talked a bit a few days after that and it tapered off. she got back with an old boyfriend and i never saw her again.

being super paranoid i got tested at the clinic soon after and again a few months later. in the weeks immediately following our hookup i had a few nightmares where she called and told me she was pregnant.

the end.

[babybluemini]

This post is useless without pics.

[nation]

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This post is useless without pics.

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[KAknight]

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This post is useless without pics.

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[jaffa]

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Some of this post is useless without pics.

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[Iplayragstoo]

Hello Andrew Karpinski, cannot post enough under your account, so you made this one up?

[rjoefish]

You just got pozzed up brah.

[Gus Spangles]

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This post is useless without pics.

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but dark hair. too much 2+2 e-stalking power to post actual pictures.

[MarkSummers]

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This post is useless without pics.

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but dark hair. too much 2+2 e-stalking power to post actual pictures.

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this is unsatisfactory.

[RyanCMU]

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This post is useless without pics.

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too much 2+2 e-stalking power to post actual pictures.

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Lame, the people demand pics, appease them.