Bachelor Party Trip Report-Do I Need the Cheating Scale? (long)

[Sluss]

Bachelor party for one of my good friends this past Saturday night. I am down to only three good friends who have yet to get married and two are taking the plunge this summer. One will be an AC trip in August. This one was the traditional we have done a few times before.

We start with a round of golf for the bachelor, myself, the best man and another guy. I play like crap, might have something to do with us drinking the whole time. I do manage to get it going on the back nine and win 10 bucks. But I shot an 88 for the round. We then head to a 20 man poker tourney that I was planning on winning to suplement the evening. However, a few too many beers before and a bad beat knocked me out on the final table bubble. Okay no more poker content.

The best man fell a bit apart on this one and overpaid for way too nice of a limo bus. Leather seats, the nice bar in the middle. I apologized to our driver Gus before the trip. He laughed, he wouldn't be laughing by the end of the night. One of the downfalls of the Limo bus was that we had to get cases of beer because there were no Kegs allowed on the bus. We started with six cases and had to stop for three more before we were even able to make it to the strip club.

We pull into the BYOB out in the middle of nowhere. I quickly spot out the owner and start to work the bachelor party deal. After about five minutes of haggling I got the groom, bestman and another guy (who it was actually his birthday) in for free and everyone else got five bucks knocked off of the cover. The owner thanks me and tells me they have 28 girls here tonight and Dakota will be headlining.

I couldn't figure why he was thanking me, until I saw there were only about 20 other guys in the place. Needless to say 20 pretty clean cut guys walk into a club like this and it's like moths to a light. The girls all come running over to each of us. One girl walks over to me shoves her hand down my pants grabs hold and says for $40 bucks I'll make you come in 5 seconds. I look her square in the eye and say, "So what do I get for $20?" For some reason she didn't seem thrilled. I was a little worried because she still had a hold of my junk. But she accepted the offer and gave me her $20 version. There was no hope of me cumming from it. Though she was a big fan of grabbing the man meat. All outside of the pants. She managed to get two other guys to take up her offer for the $40 version. I was told that had very little to do with pants.

I bellied up to the stage for a while. Now I don't know if it was the perfect mix of alcohol or if I was just rolling good that night but I was really on. Everything I said to every girl made her laugh or smile and be generally very good to me. And I was having a blast.

Then it was time for Dakota to come out. They billed her as a XXX star, but I havn't been able to track down any videos or movie titles. I will admit I suck at the internet. She was an older looking girl. Not real old, but I would say mid to late 30s. Great body I mean just great. 6 pack abs, nice long tan legs and a decent pretty natural looking set of big B/small C-cups. She does her stage thing and I am cracking her up. Just talking about what she is wearing, making fun of a few of the other guys. In other words my typical obnoxious self.

After her set she comes out onto the floor and taps me on the shoulder and asks me to take a seat at the bar behind the stage. She starts grinding up against me an I'm just going on and on with my drunken ramblings. After a few minutes she is more or less talking with me as much small talk as I could keep going. She seemed like a sweet girl and I guess was finding me entertaining. While all of this is going on there is my buddy sitting next to us yelling, "Quit hogging her!" So she gets up and starts grinding up against him and has her arms around my neck and is still talking to me. I keep going and she keeps smiling, laughing and enjoying herself.

Then out of the blue she says pretty shyly, "So are you attached?" I give her a bit of a suprised look and show her my wedding ring. She honestly looks upset. And says, "Well are you happy with that?" I'm amazed your telling me that you don't have guys hit on you at every club you go to? She says yeah, but never like this. So the pornstar is asking me out. Not lets go in the back for a handy, not lets go outside and take a roll in the bus, she's like asking me for a realtionship. This was about the strangest feeling I ever had. She goes back stage to get ready for her next set and we left before she came out again.

It's a little after midnight and I've been drinking non- stop since about noon on the golf course. I am tuned up. We go out to a local bar/ dance club upstairs thing. Here is where some of the details get foggy. From what I have been told I ended up dirty dancing in a cage with the night jock for one of local top 40 stations that I work for. Now I am very white when I dance and my rhythm makes that an insult to white people. To make matters worse the club DJ is anouncing it is me in the cage and everyone is cheering and laughing at me.

I guess after about an hour and a half of this I thought it would be better to get out of the club and head back to the van. I get back there and there is one of my buddies passed out on the floor of the van. I kick him. No movement. I kick him again, he grunts. Good enough. I step over him and make my way back to the beer. A few minutes later another guy comes in after he go kicked out of the club for puking on some guy. He picks up the guy on the floor and puts him in a seat. Where he just satrts vomitting in his sleep. I yell out form the back "Hey, isn't that how Hendrix died?" After the first shot we got a bucket up to him and where able to aim his head. The driver at this point is getting concerned as each guy shows up drunker and drunker. Of course then a fight breaks out on the way home and somebody went right through the bar.

I'm not sure what the damage bill on the limo bus will be, but I feel for the best man. Not enough to give the [censored] any money though. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

By the way, my favorite part was the next day. I tell my wife the whole story. From ball grab girl, to romancing pornstar, to dirty dancing with girl who she doesn't know. What does my wife say to me? "How the hell did you lose the poker tournament?"

[Keystone]

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I bellied up to the stage for a while. Now I don't know if it was the perfect mix of alcohol or if I was just rolling good that night but I was really on. Everything I said to every girl made her laugh or smile and be generally very good to me. And I was having a blast.



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You were at a strip club.

[DMBFan23]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33584

[Sluss]

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I bellied up to the stage for a while. Now I don't know if it was the perfect mix of alcohol or if I was just rolling good that night but I was really on. Everything I said to every girl made her laugh or smile and be generally very good to me. And I was having a blast.


[/ QUOTE ] You were at a strip club.

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buzz killer [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

[onthebutton]

Couldn't find your wallet the next morning, could you?

[4_2_it]

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"How the hell did you lose the poker tournament?"

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[Sluss]

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Of course, it couldn't last the managment at the Kitten Club doesn't like deadbeats, and, somehow I'd gone through all of my money by about 11p.m.Kandi was really sad I had to go...

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Hey, I thought this was me until this part. I only blew like $30 the whole night on girls and had walked out of there with a couple hundred still in my pocket. Who stole my story?

[asofel]

Sluss,

So wait a minute. You're telling me that your wife hears about a stripper flirting with you, grabbing your package, and so on, and she doesn't mind?

I'd be worried if I were you. That type of attitude usually has the unspoken "thats funny because i was out the other night with my girls, holding a guys package, and he said he was happily married too!" story to match yours.

[Sluss]

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So wait a minute. You're telling me that your wife hears about a stripper flirting with you, grabbing your package, and so on, and she doesn't mind?

I'd be worried if I were you. That type of attitude usually has the unspoken "thats funny because i was out the other night with my girls, holding a guys package, and he said he was happily married too!" story to match yours.

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No, if I had taken the offer she would have been over the top pissed. She understands if a girl grabs hold and I didn't ask, there is nothing I could do.

Funny story about another guy in our party. I guess he goes to the back with a girl and she starts breaking down prices for him and he says what if I just want a lap dance. She gives him a wierd look and then starts into more sexual acts. He walks out of the room walks up to the owner and demands his money back. The owner gives him the money and an extra $100 bill. It was pretty funny.

[Sephus]

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http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33584

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LOL i was gonna do the same thing.