Please Explain Internet Timing Tells To Me

[Patrick del Poker Grande]

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If your opponent takes a long time to bet, he must have a monster hand, a medium hand or be bluffing.

If your opponent takes a short time to bet, he must have a monster hand, a medium hand or be bluffing.

Anything else?

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QFT.

Timing tells = total BS

"I have a monster, Im gonna take a long time so he thinks im bluffing"

2 hands later

"I have to bluff, I better take a long time so he thinks I have the nuts"

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The next hand: mmmm... this is a good cheeseburger... oh [censored]! I'm about to time out!