Most embarrassing fart cover up story? - Page 4

deadbody · #31 11-23-2006, 11:13 PM

During Geometry class in high school I let go of an SBD. REally rank, I was in a class full of people a few years ahead of me, so I didn't say anything. It got to the front of the room and the teacher actually stopped teaching to say

"Whoever let that one go better go check their shorts"

Then another kid in the room offered to "sniff out the gas man." He blamed the girl in front of me who was very shy and proper (always wore long dresses with high collars, really religious). I said nothing even though inside I was both proud and amused seeing this girl try to deny farting without ever using the words fart or pass gas.

stinkypete · #32 11-23-2006, 11:26 PM

when i was in junior high my whole grade was taking some standardized test in the cafeteria. i don't remember why, but when i looked across the table at my friend, i thought it would be a good idea to make a fake fart sound with my mouth. so i did, and my friend started cracking up, and soon everyone in the cafeteria was howling. this was apparently a bad thing, since these standardized test things are pretty serious.

i had to cover it up by pretending i farted so i wouldn't get in trouble. my friend got in trouble for being the first one to laugh, and he ratted me out for making a fake fart, but i denied it and they believed me.

sightless · #33 11-23-2006, 11:32 PM

[ QUOTE ]
School trip, walking up a mountain. Suddenly the ginger kid lets one rip. Then he stops and looks white as a sheet.

"I thought it was a fart" as he runs off back to camp with skids sliding down his trousers.

[/ QUOTE ]

I lolled

SoHotRightNow · #34 11-23-2006, 11:33 PM

Not a fart story, or a cover up story either, but this is probably a good place to tell it.

I was about 12 or 13, and was playing Golf on NES (the one where Mario was the one playing golf) with a couple of school friends. All of a sudden I get this stabbing pain in my ass, and I drop off the couch onto my knees, grab my stomach and yell "I've got this stabbing pain in my ass". I manage to get up off the ground and bolt to the toilet, do the move, and manage to aim at the toilet. It literally explodes out of my ass, and sprays water all over the floor because I hadnt made it to the seat yet. When I summon the courage to look down, its this solid, round peice of [censored], which from memory was about the size of a tennis ball. I clean up, flush, and go out to find my two mates absolutely pissing themselves with laughter. Luckily they weren't too smart, and didn't give me a nickname.

13 years ago and its never happened since...

KidLifeCrisis · #35 11-23-2006, 11:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I was once having a meeting with my boss. Just me and her in the office.

Suddenly there was this really, loud, wet sounding nasty fart. It sure wasn't me.

The conversation stopped. We both just sat there akwardly staring through the spreadsheet or whatever while the rank smell passed.

[/ QUOTE ]
You obviously missed a prime opportunity to ask for a raise

Blarg · #36 11-23-2006, 11:45 PM

[ QUOTE ]
On a related note, does Raisin Bran give anyone else deadly gas as it does to me?

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, for me it can. Dried fruit in general, but especially raisins. Raisin bran can extract some severe revenge. Those raisins are intestinal terrorists.

KidLifeCrisis · #37 11-23-2006, 11:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
when i was in junior high my whole grade was taking some standardized test in the cafeteria. i don't remember why, but when i looked across the table at my friend, i thought it would be a good idea to make a fake fart sound with my mouth. so i did, and my friend started cracking up, and soon everyone in the cafeteria was howling. this was apparently a bad thing, since these standardized test things are pretty serious.

i had to cover it up by pretending i farted so i wouldn't get in trouble. my friend got in trouble for being the first one to laugh, and he ratted me out for making a fake fart, but i denied it and they believed me.

[/ QUOTE ]
Is that where you get your username?

kdubom · #38 11-24-2006, 05:10 AM

Alright. Anybody here ever smell 100% ass air? As in, gas that hasn't been diluted since it has left the anus? I have. When I was about 8 years old I was swimming with my buddy in a pool seeing who can dive deepest and stuff. So my friend is swimming at a depth lower than me and I see this succession of airbubbles rising from his ass. I think it must have been curiousity or stupidity or some sick mix of the two because I then opened my mouth to take the most disgusting breath I have taken in my life. This was all under water remember so I was basically breathing in gaseus fecal matter. I still vaguely remember that nauseus feeling.

ActionJeff · #39 11-24-2006, 10:52 AM

I swear that this story is true and that I am not exaggerating at all.

some background:

5th grade, history class. I lived in FL and was in a private grade school called Betton Hills, so there were only like 12 people in the classes.

The way the classrooms were set up, they were all next to each other one room wide, maybe 10 across. Bathrooms are in between the rooms and are shared and in the back of each room.

So, I'm sitting in class, listening to the teacher talking (lol). I've been dropping farts all day; I didn't even have an idea as to why. So far I had been able to slowly ease them out, and there had been little smell or sound. Then I knew it was coming. The big one. I had no idea.

I realized that I couldn't hold it, and that it just had to come out.

I excuse myself and quickly move into the bathroom, on the right. I go to close the door. It won't close. Its broken. Oh god. Whatever. They won't hear. I distance myself as far as I can from the room, and let it out.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

OH [censored]. [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] [censored] THEY MUST HAVE HEARD.

I hesitate for about 10 seconds. I don't want to go back in. Surely someone heard. Wait. no wetness. Good. I sigh, take in the moment, and step back into the room.

Every single person is staring at me. Awkward silence. I look at the kid nearest to me. I whisper "did you hear that?". He just nods.

At this point I notice the door on the left connecting our room to the next classroom is open. The teacher and a couple of students walk in. The teacher said she heard a noise, and was making sure everything is ok.

I quickly slip into my seat and class resumes. I don't think I volunteered to say anything the rest of the day.

In the 8 years since this incident, I have farted many times. Some very loud. Flatulence is a big part of my daily routine.

None came anywhere close to this epic fart. I have never heard anyone else fart and have it be comparable either. It wasn't as much a case of flatulence as it was an explosion in my ass. I don't know what triggered it, and probably never will. I just know that, that fart sounded through the entire classroom to my left and a wooden door 20 feet from its point of release. It was loud enough for the children in the classroom over to hear, and ponder what the noise was. Whether they ever found out, I don't know.

buglemouth · #40 11-24-2006, 11:10 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Alright. Anybody here ever smell 100% ass air? As in, gas that hasn't been diluted since it has left the anus? I have. When I was about 8 years old I was swimming with my buddy in a pool seeing who can dive deepest and stuff. So my friend is swimming at a depth lower than me and I see this succession of airbubbles rising from his ass. I think it must have been curiousity or stupidity or some sick mix of the two because I then opened my mouth to take the most disgusting breath I have taken in my life. This was all under water remember so I was basically breathing in gaseus fecal matter. I still vaguely remember that nauseus feeling.

[/ QUOTE ]

nh