anorexic girl (long, prolly boring)

[shaddix]

tell her to go to a psychologist/psychiatrist or something
she really needs professional help.

I would call what she has is a disease that needs medical attention.
If she won't go, find some fear of hers and play on it so that it scares her into going. Not sure if that's really a good idea, but I've had a couple good runs doing it in the past. They usually thank me later

[tuq]

It's a shame you can't turn anorexia on and off like a spigot. I have some exes that could have used a good starving or two...not to mention myself.

[tolbiny]

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The only right thing to tell an anorexic girl is that she is freaking skinny and until she actually puts on a few pounds she is not going to be all that attractive to you. Tell her that you think she's pretty cool but you are looking for someone who's in a positive mental frame of mind.


Telling an anorexic she's beautiful only adds to the problem in my opinion. They are not rational. You're much better off saying "Jesus, how bony do you want to get?"

People are too gentle with anorexics. You have to be blunt.

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Excellent post.

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Chesspain already pointed out why this is a poor post. Attacking her and further damaging her self-esteem isn't going to do anything. There are no magic words that will help. You ever told a friend who was depressed to "snap out of it", or a coke head to "just quit" and had it work? These people have been living with these problems for years, its become deeply ingrained in their life. Professional consistant help is the best, and in general the only way they will get better.
As for the OP- her "admitting" it to you in the way she did is probably a deflection mechanism. Its hard for you to follow up and continue on the subject when she makes that statement- she may have learned that hiding it leads to further inquiry but letting it be in the open like that diffuses the tension much faster. Either way she's not going to get better untill she decides to get help, there are some things you can do to encourage it that you can find in support groups (not just for anorexics but for those who care about them). There is a wealth of experience out there, don't ignore it and try to "fix it" yourself.

[katyseagull]

I'm late for work but have to say this and then run...

I feel bad for what I wrote yesterday. Obviously this is a very complex issue. There are deep emotional problems with these girls and I don't take it lightly at all. In fact, this problem is very near to me and so I have many thoughts on it and it is very tricky. The reason I suggested that OP be blunt is because that has actually worked for one girl I know who was very messed up in her head. Nothing her parents or doctors said to her worked. What worked, surprisingly, was a nice guy being blunt yet compassionate to her. He basically said "Wow! You're a little too skinny for me. To be honest, it isn't attractive to me. Anything I can do to get you some help?" I know it seems rather simple but it spurred her to get the help she needed. I think this might only work in the early stages of anorexia. Obviously it gets more and more complicated as the disease progresses. It's a mental illness and very serious. If you can nip it in the bud early that is your best hope.

Girls do care very much what guys think about them so having a guy say that he likes girls with a little more meat on them can sometimes work wonders. Always praising girls who are stick thin can be very harmful for these particular girls.


that said, I'm going to work.

Oh yeah, I've checked myself in the mirror only like 20 times since yesterday. Jesus, thanks Chesspain. I think my hips my have gotten bigger. [censored]. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] No more Chipotle for me. Thanks a lot Chesspain for implying I was a fatty.

[katyseagull]

You are right that there are no magic words that will help. I apologize for sounding insensitive about the subject. Again, it is something that is actually very near to my life so I should have explained that originally.


This is clearly a complicated issue with no easy answers.
Obviously people around the OPs girl have probably commented on her weight loss and failure to eat. I'm not suggesting that no one's commented on it. My point was that sometimes the bluntness of a guy who is the object of a girl’s affection can have more effect than anything mom or dad or doctor tells her. Saying something like "Don’t worry, you're not going to get fat!" or "You’re really sexy and gorgeous darling! What are you worried about?" can in fact feed an anorexic's paranoia and encourage them to continue down the same destructive path because they have just lost like 10-15 lbs to get to this point, have starved themselves perhaps for weeks, and now someone is telling them they look beautiful and sexy. Positive reinforcement. My point was to be a little harsh in the beginning to get them to not go down that path of trying to be forever thin.

If you are dealing with a girl who you know is anorexic you are in a world of hurt to influence her. You were correct in pointing out that my meanness is not going to help the girl achieve normal weight and will in fact depress the hell out of her. Again I apologize for sounding so flip. I can be an idiot sometimes.

[tolbiny]

It's all good katey, some people seem to have the idea that if they just said the right thing then everything would be ok. But if magic words are your thing just PM me a few pics and i will alleviate all the worry that chesspain caused you by calling you fat.
Ani won't share them with any ooters... unless my bankroll gets really crippled.

[The DaveR]

Chess, I'm genuinely interested in what you think should be a standard way to help this woman. Thanks.

[chesspain]

I think that a number of posters have already given the most sound advice--that this woman be gently encouraged to seek help. There are no magic words to get an anorexic to "wake up" and see how her delusional body image may ultimately lead her on the road to death.

The OP might consider telling this woman who much he cares for her...and how concerned he is about being in a relationship with someone who is living in such an unhealthy way. He might further consider telling her that he can't see himself continuing to date her if she doesn't, at least, go for a physical and consultation about her eating disorder. If she refuses to seek help, the OP would be wise to move on, since it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have a healthy relationship with an active anorexic who refuses to seek help.

[george w]

clearly you should be doing all you can to get nourishment into her body. i suggest siihm and making her swallow.

hopefully its just a phase she's going through. a lot of young girls do the anorexic thing for awhile from what i understand.

[Yobz]

I wanna date an anorexic chick, that would be hot