Best friend slept with girl of my dreams, what SHOULD I do?

[Vehn]

OP - there's nothing wrong with being a "sucker for love" as my friends put it but there is something wrong with not being a man. Girls want men, not best friends with dicks. Ugh.

[Boris]

yea Joker gets the BPIT award.

[CharlieDontSurf]

[ QUOTE ]
your friend did nothing wrong. stop being a jackass and a horrible friend.

people who think the friend did something wrong, please justify your position. they weren't dating right? there was no commitment, no cheating going on?


should i hate my friend if he hooks up with jessica alba?

i mean i see that its a bad position to be in, but one friends failure shouldn't hold another friend back.

[/ QUOTE ]

the friend did do something wrong if he was a good friend.
If he is just some guy your friends with casually then its no biggie.
But if a good friend knows your head over heels in love with a girl...u don't [censored] that girl while your friend is passed out--its FUBAR.

Based on the girl [censored] yr roommate she obvs isn't into u at all, and is probably just using u for attention..so move on and cut her loose.

But i wouldn't disown this roommate/friend...just realize that he's not that good of a friend and I wouldnt trust him to be loyal to u ever.

[talentdeficit]

your friend is a dick. period. i don't care that he was drunk or that she initiated. you don't have to have sex with every thing that drapes itself on you, especially when your friend with a mega crush on the thing is in the next room. seriously, if you're so desperate for sex you can't ever turn it down, you have problems. your friend is a dick.

just stop talking to both of them. they're both worthless. you can't fix this and you have nothing to gain by trying.

[El Diablo]

Alobar,

"Basically what you are saying is that its ok to put your base desires above the feelings of your friends. Im sorry I would never do something like that to one of my friends"

No, dude, that's not what I'm saying at all.

What I'm saying is that sh** happens.

In this case, we don't know how buzzed the dude was, how much he tried to resist, how persistent the girl was, etc.

I'm not saying he did a good thing or the friend shouldn't be pissed at him. However, there is a huge difference between what we know happened and some guy trying to get some action at any cost, including the loss of a friendship.

I have passed up hooking up w/ girls many times because I know some guy WHO THEY DON'T LIKE AT ALL has a big crush on them and would feel really bad if I hooked up w/ the girl. However, I've also ended up in situations, often involving alcohol, where I've done some things that after the fact I regret a little and in retrospect would have handled differently. I'm surprised this seems so black and white to you.

[Big Poppa Smurf]

Alobar I disagree with a lot of what you wrote in this circumstance. If a friend went after a girl he knew I liked before I got shot down, I would be pretty pissed about it, but if the girl climbs into bed with him and tells him she doesn't like me, I mean I wouldn't be happy about it but I wouldn't be pissed at him either. [censored] happens and I'm not going to lose a friendship over some girl who wanted to bang my friend instead of me.

Having said that I'd been in a similar situation before with a friend who made it clear he was interested in a girl and I just left her alone after that. Not necessarily because I didn't want to hurt him (I was pretty sure she didn't like him, so in my book that makes her fair game) but because I just didn't want to deal with it. If she climbed into bed with me though, it almost certainly would've been a different story.

[KotOD]

[ QUOTE ]
What I'm saying is that sh** happens.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yup. Life is random, [censored] happens. Move on. There are 3 billion women on the planet. I'm sure that one of them can be the new dream girl.

There are 3 billion men on the planet, I'm sure that one of then can be the new guy that makes fun of you.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
OP - there's nothing wrong with being a "sucker for love" as my friends put it but there is something wrong with not being a man. Girls want men, not best friends with dicks. Ugh.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow. Vehn I've always thought you were a complete azzhole, but I have to admit that the above is possibly the single greatest piece of advice regarding girls I've ever seen on 2+2.

[RunDownHouse]

[ QUOTE ]
In this case, we don't know how buzzed the dude was, how much he tried to resist, how persistent the girl was, etc.

[/ QUOTE ]
I guess I'm with Alobar, because it seemed to me like you were basically giving the guy a free pass. Of the things you mentioned, the only one that's even slightly acceptable to me is how drunk the guy was. People do stupid, stupid [censored] when they're drunk, so while I lean more towards the philosophy of, "Alcohol strips pretensions bare," people obviously do stuff they regret all the time. Whatever.

I don't buy one bit of the "persistence" or "resistance" arguments. Maybe its just me, but if I shut down some girl because a friend was really into her, the more she tried, the more upset I'd get. You make it sound like he should say "No thanks" if she opens his door, but if she opens his door and says, "Want a bj?" he should readily agree, when the two are practically the same thing. So, for me, the more persistent she is, the more obnoxious she'd be, and my level of resistance doesn't change much between this drunk girl walking into my room looking to [censored] me and this drunk girl walking into my room and saying, "I want to [censored] you."

Acting like if she asks to [censored] once and you do is betrayal, but asking twice and you should cave seems really bizarre to me.

[wslee00]

seriously - i feel like all the people that are blaming the friend for what happened have never had drunken nights before. Based on the scenario described, i'd understand what the friend did - i wouldn't be happy about it, but i really couldn't blame him.

that being said - the friend should still feel bad about it and apologize to you the next day... if he doesn't feel bad about what he did, then he is a complete douche and i'd stop being friends w/ him.