Friend lost her baby, what can I do/say?

[oyesmoreofthis]

"in your face"?




please keep poignant topics out of oot.

ps. i also might go with "c'est la vie!"

[By-Tor]

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there is nothing you can say and are probably better off just giving her a very serious look in the eyes and saying "let me know if you need anything" and leave it at that.

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I can't tell if this only reads sleazy to me because it's By-Tor writing it, or if it's just sleazy in general. You're not really making a flirtation joke out of a miscarriage, are you?

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whatever dood...i'll let you figure it out for yourself...









...if that's possible.

[jaffa]

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"in your face"?




please keep poignant topics out of oot.

ps. i also might go with "c'est la vie!"

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no.

I generally agree with By Tor et al. If you're not a massively close friend be careful and understanding, but not intrusive. Say you're sorry for her loss, but probably leave it at that unless she clearly wants to talk about it. However also try and take some of the work load off her if she is now back at work, i.e. do some of her jobs, but don't make it blatantly obvious you're doing this because of the circumstances. That's how i'd approach it.

[MortalWombat]

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So this girl I work with who was 6 months pregnant just lost her baby about 4 days ago.
...
I want to say something, but I don’t know what, and I don’t know what’s appropriate.

[/ QUOTE ]"OK, retrace your steps. Where was the last place you saw it?"

[kibble420]

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it is very common for all the servers to sit by the bar after hours and get pretty tanked, so all in all we get along pretty good.

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Don't drink while pregnant?

[Fast Food Knight]

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Many people resent being bombarded with condolensces at first, only to have it basically forgotten by everyone they know a few weeks later, while to them it still feels like yesterday.

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So true.

[Sponger.]

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we’ve never hung out after work

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Say nothing then? I'm sure her real friends are doing all they can to make herself feel better. You'll probably just end up saying "I'm sorry for your loss".

I'm not trying to offend you but I just don't think she needs everyone she knows saying something to her about it. Maybe it is best you just move on and not bring it up to her so she has to think about it while she is working or something?

[poincaraux]

There's some great advice in this thread. Dominic, neuroman, DeuceKicker, etc.

People are very different about this. For me, Sponger's advice is exactly backwards. For people who know me where neither of us has brought it up, it's like a huge wall between us.

Say something simple. Send a card. Bringing food over is almost always a good idea. There were people whom I didn't know very well that really reached out to me. I can't even begin to explain how important they were.

But, your friend could be different. One of my friends had a cousin who lost a baby. The cousin didn't want anyone to say anything for a month afterwards. I think more people are like me, but it's worth trying to be super-aware about this.

The comment pointing out that her feelings probably won't just go away in a month or two is really important.

My experience was different from hers, but .. if it'll help you understand what she's going through, you might want to read my OOT thread or the few things I've posted on my blog (in my profile).

-poincaraux